Hello! I just wanted to say that I really liked the way you've written a story about a lie without ever telling the reader exactly what the lie is. It's a great little piece of interest that you've left open all the way through. I read the story hoping to find out what the lie was, but the trail carried on to the very last line, which hit hard! You've done a really great job with that entire aspect of tempting the reader all the way to the big conclusion,
For the sake of criticism, here's some mistakes I've found in your sentence structure, punctuation, and grammar, even though I usually don't focus on these in my reviews:
I regret for the lie. But there’s no turning back now.
Should be:
I regret the lie, but there’s no turning back now.
Also, watch out for using short sentences that could easily just be parts of a longer sentence. Breaking every phrase with periods make the sentence clunky to read:
My insides burn as I face it again. The feebleness. The wrecking of the mind’s defenses.
Should be:
My insides burn as I face it again -- the feebleness; the wrecking of the mind’s defenses.
Re-read your work and look out for stuff like that. Sentence structure and grammar are necessary to bring out your story, after all!
Points: 13147
Reviews: 108
Donate