Young Writers Society

Hello! I just wanted to say that I really liked the way you've written a story about a lie without ever telling the reader exactly what the lie is. It's a great little piece of interest that you've left open all the way through. I read the story hoping to find out what the lie was, but the trail carried on to the very last line, which hit hard! You've done a really great job with that entire aspect of tempting the reader all the way to the big conclusion,

For the sake of criticism, here's some mistakes I've found in your sentence structure, punctuation, and grammar, even though I usually don't focus on these in my reviews:

I regret for the lie. But there’s no turning back now.

I regret the lie, but there’s no turning back now.

My insides burn as I face it again. The feebleness. The wrecking of the mind’s defenses.

My insides burn as I face it again -- the feebleness; the wrecking of the mind’s defenses.

Hi! I'd like to give a short review of your story.

I enjoy how it starts out, with the action of the child being unclear. We don't know why the protagonist is lying, and that keeps the reader reading. The way the story is written provides a sense of suspense. All the short sentences and description of the mother's anger add together to make the reader's heart beat just a little bit faster.

The dialogue adds to the story - right off the bat, the reader gets a feeling of the dynamic between the mother and her child. Oftentimes in writing, dialogue is overused or underused. You seem to have hit a nice balance between the two.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this.

Hello,

This is a nicely written story.. . It's short yet it's descriptive enough to tell a relatable story. I like how you end off with that line to show the effects of lying on both people. Lying makes us all feel guilty after, and I could really see that here with the MC missing how his mom usually reacted. This also gives us perspective from the mom in that she doesn't want to bother confronting the MC about lying... she just wants him to realize his own mistakes.

Overall it's a great story, and I have nothing to point out about it!

Keep Writing.

very descriptive. really very good contains good analytical verbs, I can really feel the emotion you have with your mum here quite traumatic but this lead it to be quite dramatic and it built up intensifying tension towards me as the reader. i alos liked how you talk about a quite easy topic but make it sound so harsh i think what would make it better if you used harsh sounds such as sibalence because it would make the mums tone seem very angry but it would make your writing very effective

well done 8/10

I think this is a really interesting piece. I enjoy the ambiguity of it where the reader is never quite given what the speaker is lying about. I'll admit I had to read it over a couple of times to completely grasp what was going on but once I did I appreciated it fully. Nice use of the parallels each time the speaker is asked the question. I also really liked the last line, and I had no idea that it would end like that. Overall a highly enjoyable story