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16+

Discovery

by Tawsif


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

On a whim, I looked into dad's search history. Found the same ones I watch.


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40 Reviews


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Fri Jul 10, 2020 1:26 pm
Beautifulsparkle wrote a review...



Hello, this is a very interesting flash story. When I read it I image a young boy or girl venturing into their parent's room and looking, on a whim, at their search history. It's so successfully vague that I can make a story in my mind already. The parent could be a stern yet loving one, that talks about respecting your elders and o taking well to nonsense. The child could be a dreamer that spends to much time on the computer, eighter writing like we do or playing video games. Eighter way his attention is stuck to the computer, and he can't seem to get away. His favourite t.v. shows could be about superheroes like Spiderman or The Avengers. They will have amazing graphics, witty comebacks and interesting plots. However the adult will exclaim that it is utter garbage and that it rots his or her poor progeniture's brain. So one gorgeous sunrise when mommy and daddy are sleeping like the dead, the child tiptoes into their bedroom's, opens the computer and finds out...his mom or dad, or both of them, are actually fans of the same t.v. shows they often lamented about and, what's more they are writing fanfiction about them, just like their child. I think that would be a funny twist.
Your flash story could also be interpreted in darker scenarioes, and human mind has always been a bit attracted to...sampling scary experiences, let's say. But of course that is not taking into account different people's phobias where the terrifyed subject would much rather jump off a cliff (yes, I'm exaggerating) than confronting their fears. I speak from experience. I have arachnophobia and I would much rather be on my deathbed than hug one of those creepy crawlies. Death doesn't scare me, spiders do and some people might find it irrational, and that's ok. In my defense I know that the spider is too little to actually waste me but I still feel as if he wants to hurt me and they are downright creepy. Besides poisonous darts are small too yet they can cause a lot of dammage. I've deviated a lot from the subject, unfortunately. What I mean to say is that it is a very great flash fiction because it makes people use the power of imagiation to bring to life their innermost desires or in this case, thoughts. They use their brains to come up with the narrator's discovery and I believe such things are always, well, cool and you always meet fresh perceptions.




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Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:35 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)

Hi! Knight Harry here to slay this rather small beast courtesy of the After Watch.

First Impression: Dunno why I'm sticking to my usual format for a literary work this small but let's just roll with it. So the sentence there is actually not quite correct there. A slight bit of a fragment there. However, I think I can get what you are trying to say. Obviously it's very open to interpretation (It's just one line after all) but the general darker tone comes through.

Anyway let's get to it,

On a whim, I looked into dad's search history. Found the same ones I watch.


Here that last sentence doesn't really have a noun so it's kind of a fragment. The best thing to do would be to connect it to the other sentence with an and. That would give the same meaning. Or if you want something more dramatic then you could probably go with a second sentence that says "They were the same things I watch" or something like that which has a noun.

And that's it for that.

Overall: It brings through this dark of some kind of not very legal or acceptable activity that they are both doing while it is still open enough that you could interpret it as the dad being guilty of searching for a birthday present for their mom while the child does the same thing or something sweet like that. So that's what I get from it. And I'll stop rambling now.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

This review courtesy of
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Tawsif says...


Thanks for being so detailed, even for such a short story.



HarryHardy says...


Your Welcome!!!



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Tue Jul 07, 2020 8:02 pm
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Dragonthorn wrote a review...



Greetings fellow writer, I'm Thorn, and I'll be reviewing this today for you.

I don't have much to really say about this because of the length, or lack of it. It's short, but it's meant to be, so I can't say much about it. I'll try to give advice, but my understanding of short writing is quite mere.

---->This has potential to be a creepy story if done in a way that has some twists and turns, but I don't know if you'd want that. I do believe that giving bigger picture advice can help a little, so no avoiding me.

--->Another thing is that I don't really know what this was meant to do. The meaning could range from, as I said before, creepy or it could be a normal bit of fiction, so there are many ways to show that, or it could be on it's on as the vague information is quite interesting. Be aware of that though. It could turn out in many ways that might be off from the original theme you went for.

You can take that if you like it, or you can just throw it away if it doesn't help and is away from what you prefer. Also, please ask if anything is confusing.

Catch you later.




Tawsif says...


Thanks. And that was the purpose: keeping it vague.



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Tue Jul 07, 2020 7:59 pm
thepages says...



Okay ths is dark humour...
Maybe its me having a twisted mind.
What r u talking about here?




Tawsif says...


Say I don't know what I'm talking about. Can you guess what I meant?




“A good book isn't written, it's rewritten.”
— Phyllis A. Whitney, Guide to Fiction Writing