My history book touched my heart
For it said me that my ancestors had fought.
They brought freedom by sending foreigners away.
But still, many don't have happiness anyway.
They fought day and night
To bring back the pure light.
Now, it is getting faded.
And I am getting scared.
"We are here to help you", like philanderers, they said.
And now, they've got our votes, for which they have played.
They do things which are not fair
For they never cared of people's welfare.
It's getting worst day by day.
And this became a play.
We are watching this every time.
And, we are not having a perfect dine.
There we are-in the court of law, with a prayer.
But they are too clever.
Some are their acts are covered.
And rest are bribed.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi Shakthi is here for a quick review..!
First of all, your poem has deep emotions in it. I mean the emotion of country people living in a commotion everyday. The reason behind this is lethargic mindset, people tend to develop. Actually, you could not blame completely the "players". But the people for we have given them chance. Every youth's change in mind can bring back the peaceful future out of our history.
Yeah, on coming back to your poetry, it is a nicely written piece of work. Except for the few rhyming words as our friends have pointed out. You can stil improve your writing in choosing suitable words...
Overall, your work is awesome...
And keep writing..!!
Hey TarunRamKanuri!
I see you've brought in aspects which discuss politics and society in this poem - as you've mentioned for your work's tag. I'm assuming that you're discussing the situation in India. The beginning seemed clear, and then later I assume you discuss how the country is today (I myself am Indian).
Content wise, I see you take two aspects in hand. You talk about the history of your country, and finish strong by explaining the current situation in your country today. It's clear that you feel proud about what your ancestors had done in the past - fighting for freedom. Then you come back to talk about today. Which it good. You then discuss about how politics has taken a drastic turn of events, ever since. You've discussed all the dirty play happening in your country's politics (I can agree with).
Grammar and Spelling wise, I feel you could focus on because there have been some minor errors. Examples such as the second line of your poem. Apart from that, everything else seems intact.
Structure wise, you've organized your content into stanzas. I can see very well that each stanza has four lines. You don't seem to have followed a definite rhyme scheme, for which I'm fine with - because not all poems need rhymes.
Your content is very coherent, as you've expressed your work in chronological order - from past to present. This is a good way to keep your readers on track with your work (avoiding confusions).
Literary Devices too have been used well in this piece of poetry. I am able to spot metaphors, similes, adjectives, and personifications.
My overall rating for this work is 3.3/5
Keep Writing
Okay I like this poem because it seems to show growth of the author. They used to only see the fantastical parts of history but now seem to realize that it isn't perfect. Another reason I enjoy it is because it shows that the history books don't always show everything which is totally true and something I think some people forget or choose to overlook. A saying I enjoy that encompasses that is that 'History is written by the winning side.'
I don't know if you did this on purpose but the small writing is kind of hard to read. I'm assuming you didn't but I don't know.
Some of the rhyming is a bit off as addressed by Junel but I noticed it also with a few more lines than previously stated. That being said, I understand rhyming can be hard especially when you are trying to say something specific. In the first stanza the last line confuses me a bit. I'm not quite sure who 'they' refers to, the people in the history books or the foreigners. I assume maybe the foreigners as they are the last group mentioned but then to me it seems that anyway doesn't fit. It makes it seem as if the sending away of foreigners doesn't matter because they weren't happy anyway. Maybe that's just the way I took it. In that same stanza second line I think perhaps said should be replaced by told or at the very least have a 'to' added. In the fourth stanza first line I think you meant worse rather than worst. Last stanza third line needs an 'of' after some and the next line maybe a 'the' before rest.
I don't mean to nitpick I just wanted to maybe help in some way if I could. Of course all of these are suggestions and at the end of the day it is your poem. I really loved it!
Hey, this is a really nice poem.
First off the negative:
Only thing I saw was two point when your rhyme scheme was slightly messed up
So its not that bad but,
So using ed to rhyme is really hard because depending upon the word it can be said differently ways especially in this case when once word already ends in e. So when someone read this it won't always rhyme. For me personally it doesn't
Also again when you used ed
This one really isn't that bad so you could definitely leave it how it is. I just had to read it a couple timed before it fit in with the rhyme scheme like everything else.
Positive things YAY!
Your format was great and I didn't see any grammatical errors.
Your topic is a very real one and the way you relay it makes it interesting to the reader.
Overall I really enjoyed reading your poem.
Good Luck and Keep Writing
Slainté -Junel