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The Blind Man's Eyes (not the best title...but it works)

by Tara


I wrote this when I was 13, and just found it again. ~*blows away dust*~


Down on the streets of old Montgomery,
where old memories go when they die,
Lives an old man named Thomas Gray,
he's got no home and he's lost his eyes.

He lives off Corona and Wonderbread,
And memories of better days.
(you know) it's a wonder he aint dead
but he keeps on livin' anyway

Cause he's got light, of his own,
He's got sunshine, long after the sun has gone,
you know he says he sees bluebirds, long after the bluebirds have flown.
He may be blind, but in his mind, he's got light o his own.

"She said she was goin out to get some air,
she never told me she was goin away,"
He's got a million of these stories,
This is the one he's tellin today.

He's a king in beggar's clothing,
He's a wise man dressed as a fool
I swear I've learned more from that man,
than thy can teach you in school.

Cause he's got light, of his own,
He's got sunshine,
long after the sun has gone,
you know he says he sees bluebirds,
long after the bluebirds have flown.
He may be blind, but in his mind, he's got light o his own.

(A bunch of do's da's and doootin doo doo's ....aren't I descriptive? :roll: )

He may be blind but in his mind.................................
he's got light of his own.


The lyrics need ALOT of work, but I like the tune . :wink:


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Sat Sep 02, 2023 10:01 pm
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Rose wrote a review...



Greetings Composer,

Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye a tuneful lyric titled “The Blind Man’s Eyes” that deserves a good review. So without further ado, let’s begin.

Image

I. Unraveling the Opener
Very first of all, your lyrics radiate a feeling of hope and resilience, but also finding light in the midst of dark times. It is almost as if I’m reading this intriguing story about an old memory, in this case the old memory of someone.
The imagery of Thomas Grey and the mention of old memories create an engaging atmosphere. The themes of resilience and finding light in darkness are introduced early on and create a clear path to where the “story” is going. The rhyming of your lyrics is just perfect and adds to the nice sound when reading it aloud.

II. Writing Style & Variety
Your writing style is very vivid and paints the right picture of the setting and Thomas Grey. Phrases like “where old memories go when they die” and “he says he sees bluebirds, long after the bluebirds have flown” create a strong sense of place and character. The phrases“Cause he’s got light his own” and “he’s got sunshine, long after the sun has gone” symbolize the idea of hope and the idea of finding light in the darkness effectively.

Emotional Engagement
The lyrics successfully evokes emotions, especially in the portrayal of Grey’s resilience in the face of adversity and his ability to stay strong. His far-fetched stories indicate his loneliness as well as his ability to find light in his own way, that is something that powers the lyric, it gives it emotions, feelings and meaning, something that is moving.

III. The Door to Improvement
If you would ever wish to “modernize” or improve this lyrics, you could maybe consider using more unique and memorable imagery that sets the song apart. The use of metaphorical language could also be helpful in this situation. Creating a stronger conclusion will definitely tie the son’s message together. You could also consider expanding the chorus or writing more, thereby diving deeper into the story of Grey.
These suggestions are offered with the intention of boosting the song’s depth and impact, so I hope they are helpful.

IV. Spotlight!

He's a king in beggar's clothing,
He's a wise man dressed as a fool
I swear I've learned more from that man,
than thy can teach you in school.

This is my favorite part of the song, not only because of the contrast and irony packed between the lines but also because of the wisdom and value that can be found in Thomas Grey. The last sentence is funny and relatable and I loved that the most.

V. All in All
Your song consists of contrast, imagery, catchy choruses and a message of hope. The lyrics has great potential and I would really love to listen to it as a song.
It’s clear that you have a knack for creating relatable characters, which is one of the reasons why I enjoyed reading it. Further “storytelling” would be a great step further.

That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!

Yours in Puzzling Shadows,
Rose




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Wed Feb 02, 2005 3:11 am
Tara says...



Thanx, I'll try that. it had D in it in some places. It plays slow.

I love this site! people always have suggestions! :D




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Tue Jan 25, 2005 7:07 pm
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Chevy wrote a review...



Em is especially melancholy,lol. I play, so I know what you mean. I played the two chords and tried to sing the song...is it slow or fast? I liked it the way I played it--which was slow, and mostly three counts each note. Anyway, I wrote with this tune. Except, I added C major in there--it sounded really good--I tried it with this too (Em, Am, C) and it sounded good...perhaps you should try that.




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Sun Jan 23, 2005 1:46 am
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Tara says...



This song is nothing without the tune. You have to hear it to understand how it goes. The chords are basically A minor and E minor, which, if you play the guitar, you will know are very melancholy

Yeah, I can say I would change the lyrics...but I probably never will. I write a song, then forget it. Then I write another, and forget it as well :wink:




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Sun Jan 23, 2005 1:31 am
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Firestarter says...



Very weird lol!

I think I agree, the lyrics need work, even though the pace is good.

I think you should make it less like a story, cos it makes it feel less like a song at the moment and more like a poem/story cross over.





You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling