Niki

Oh, I loved it! Its beautiful, and poetic. Only few nitpicks.

Niki's everything I wish I could be These word are over used.
Strong and brave and beautiful Read aloud, its to much. It may actually sound even better if you said: Strong, brave; beautiful. With the stress on beautiful it sounds good.
Niki's never tired and she's never weak
She'll never give up fighting
Even though she can no longer breathe
Niki's my teacher and my heart
All wrapped in one
Niki's funny and nice and smart funny, nice, and smart. You have to do that for it to be grammatically correct, and it reads smoother.
She's the girl who had never broken my heart
The only one that cared
When things were falling apart
I guess what I'm saying
Is that Niki still has my heart.

This was a beautiful poem, and I'm very sorry about what happened. The way you word it trully shows the way you're feeling and I can give no tips on editing that wouldn't be redundant. I love this poem a lot.

TamaraGoesRawr wrote:Niki's everything I wish I could be
Strong, and brave, and beautiful
Niki's never tired and she's never weak
She'll never give up fighting,
Even though she can no longer breathe
Niki's my teacher and my heart
All wrapped into one
Niki's funny, and nice, and smart
She's the girl who has never broken my heart
The only one that still cared
When things were falling apart
I guess what I'm saying
Is that Niki still has my heart.


To my ex girlfriend of three years; R.I.P Niki, I love you <3

Hey, Teardrop here! First of all, nice poem and I'm so sorry for your loss!

I think you might want to add punctuation to your poem. . It's short, and adding more emotion could make it longer so it could be divided into stanzas, but that's just what I think about it. I like the last line, by the way.

TamaraGoesRawr wrote:I guess what I'm saying