Confines I

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was definitely a pretty intense situation here to start off with, it absolutely manages to get your attention quite well and you can really get the situation that this protagonist is in and as a reader it definitely makes you want to read on and find out what happened next.

Anyway let's get right to it,

If life were a movie, this would probably be the part where everyone starts crying. The people in the theater would probably murmur things like "No" or "Oh my god" under their breath, staring at the screen in disbelief. They would all hope that I chose differently at the last second. And if this were a movie, I would. Suddenly I'd realize my mistake, set down the scissors, and collapse dramatically onto the tile floor as I courageously chose life instead of death. And then I would reconcile with everyone who had hurt me and live happily until I was like 83.

The reality is, that isn't reality. The reality of the situation is me, in my bathroom, preparing for my untimely self-inflicted death while my drunk father is sitting just outside the door, blissfully unaware of what's going on.

I used to hope a lot. Hope that he'd wake up from his alcohol-induced comatose state, hope that mom would come back, hope that someone would walk into my life at the right moment and save me from the hell I've been stuck in since grade school. But I stopped hoping the second I realized hoping things doesn't make them so. So instead of hoping, I'm sitting on my bathroom floor, doing everything I can to make sure I'm dead before dinner a day short of my eighteenth birthday.

And it hurts like hell. Or maybe it doesn't; I guess I don't really know.

I stare at the life oozing from the deep gashes in my wrists. The bloodstained scissors slip from my trembling hands, clattering to the floor. I half-fall to, half-lie on the ground and squeeze my eyes shut.

"AJ, get me another beer!"

I mouth the words, "Go to hell," and drift into the loving arms of oblivion.

Hi TaliaSankEden xD

I’m just about to read & review your second chapter of Confines so I thought I’d better stop by here first. 

I will review as I read so that it comes out in some sort of orderly fashion, kay?

Love your opening paragraph. It’s got me interested and excited to see where you’re taking this. I would take out the last line though. I thought it was much more powerful ending with ‘....courageously chose life instead of death.‘ But obviously, that’s completely up to you.

I like this character. I think they’re real, honest and completely aware of what she is doing. I also like that they’re trying to get the reader to see that not everyone’s life ends up as sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it’s just rain and more, well, rain.

I‘m kind of hoping that she is going to be saved & this is not the foreshadowing of the end of your novel! AH. I’m slightly panicking that it is.

Your writing style has been polished here and that’s nice to see. You grabbed and sustained my attention straight away and that’s so so important in the first chapter! 

Very excited to move on to chapter 2...

Olive <3


Hi there!

The first thing I want to say is that it's a bit hard to read in italics. Well, not really hard to read, but a bit strange. Ugh, not how I wanted to say that at all, but that's all I could come up with. Anyway, italics are usually saved for things like thoughts and dreams. So I'd suggest not writing in italics here. Unless this is indeed a dream, but I don't think it is.

Now that the grammatical/stylistical thing is out of the way, lets get into the review, shall we?

You've got a solid character and you've done a great job developing him already. Even though this is just a short part of something bigger, you've crammed a lot of development into it. I think that's because AJ is going through something emotional. I like how he compares his life to a movie. That's a great interpretation of someone who is cutting or hurting themselves in any way. They feel like they have no control over their life and that they're watching their life like it's a movie. At least, that's what I've come up with after reading stories like this. It really shows us how much AJ is struggling with everything in his life.

The part where he says he used to hope is nice as well. That really shows us how much he's struggled over the years. It's just a little thing, but it shows us a lot. Now I know that he wasn't always like this. There was a time in which he wished and hoped for a better result. His life used to be better and he used to be content with everything. But now he's given up hope and has turned to something harmful to get him along. That's a lot of character development in one small paragraph. I'm impressed!

As for plot, I think you've got a good start here. I'm assuming that this is the first chapter and not the prologue. Although it would surely make a good prologue. But regardless, you've definitely started off your novel with a bang. I'm sure you've heard many people tell you that when you write you have to draw your readers in from the beginning. You've done that here. Unfortunately, that seems to be done at the expense of your MC But that's okay, I'm sure this'll be a wonderful growing of age type of story where AJ goes through this long personal journey.

Let me know when the next chapter is out! I'll be able to give you a better review than this one I'm sure :/ You've got me hooked and I can't wait to see what happens next with AJ!

P.S. AJ is a guy right? I'm just assuming here...

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

This is an incredibly powerful piece! Your diction really gives off the sense of intense distress your character is obviously going through, and it's as if I can feel myself in that bathroom, ready to give up on the world and all it's troubles. Another thing that really drew me in was just how short it was! The dark themes combined with the brevity kinda reminds you how fleeting life can be.

Incredible writing, Talia! I can't wait to see more from you!

Hey Talia, this is Sherri!
Okay, wow; this is not only dramatic and tragic, but also very sad. There weren't any spelling or grammar errors or anything like that, so that means I can review the story itself.
So, you labeled this as a chapter in a novel... I personally can't wait to see how you continue this. I mean, it's powerful and full enough to stand on its own as a short story, and considering it's so short it could be considered flash fiction, that's pretty cool! I love how you lay out the story, starting with the paragraphs about if this were a movie. Then you switch over to what's happening, and the understanding kind of hits you.
Anyways, I loved the imagery, the dialogue, and the flow of everything; awesome job!