Memory is a funny thing. Nobody really knows when it disappears. When it’s lost it’s difficult to regain the memory. Especially the small things, like when you forget where you put the remote for the T.V. The small things are easily forgotten not the big things. Someone will never lose the memory of their birthday, when their loved one dies, or when they kill someone. Yet I still lost the memory of the murder I committed.
Every day I was gulping down booze until I forget of what I did.I’m a man that drank to forget his past. I wanted that memory to stop replaying in my mind. All I ever wanted was to live in peace and the nightmares of my past kept on torturing me every day.
After five months of torture. I started forgetting what happen. The memory slowly started to dissipate from my mind. My want of forgetting it was so powerful that it finally happened. I didn’t remember the sin I had done.
Yet in the end I wished I hadn’t. When I forgot my past came back with a vengeance. The past will always try to drag me in its embrace to consume me whole.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi,
All the best 
I am here for the review.
I guess it is pretty short to be called as a chapter. It has to be of 2000 words and above. To say precisely two scenes for a chapter. It is my opinion. While deciding the length, remember each chapter in your book tells a mini-story that forwards your overall plot. Since it is an intro, I felt you could have described much about the main character, his environment and how the memory of the murder haunted the main character?
But the short length and little descriptions have left me imagining how the story would move on. When you upload your next chapter PM me. Keep writing
Thanks for the advice. I'll fix it because yea it's too short for a chapter. I'm still learning because this is my first piece that I posted.
Heyo Tales, Flite here for a review. I'm going to comment on the nature of this before moving on to the technical side of it. This chapter, is more like a synopsis than an actual chapter. Or perhaps, the starting few paragraphs of one. It's incomplete and serves more as a summary. A chapter should introduce the main character, the setting and the point of conflict. What you have here are thoughts that have been stringed together with no explanation in between. I would actually expand this out before posting it on here, because posting work does cost you 350 points.
Due to the brevity of this piece, let's break it down so you know what to watch out for in future works.
Watch out for your word usage here, even though this is fiction, real life rules still apply. Memory doesn't quite disappear, that isn't the right term here. I think what you're trying to express is that it fades into the unconscious or gets forgotten as the brain take in new information. As for your examples, those examples are not examples of memories being lost but things you can't remember. They are two very different things.
Actually, people loosing memories of their birthdays do happen. It becomes so common overtime it just blurs into one big line, once again. Lose is not right term here, you can lose memories in the following circumstances. The introduction that the MC has killed someone was incredibly sudden, I would foreshadow a bit at the start so it doesn't come across as totally random.
Remember, You need a balance of show and tell. Also, if he drank booze until he passed out, or smoked cigarettes or indulged himself in various activities. It's safe to assume that he's trying to get the murder of his mind, hence the latter part of the sentence can be omitted.
You've just repeated yourself with those three sentences, if you must, swap those for description. Or better yet, how tell how he murdered someone. And why. Telling us he murdered someone doesn't give us much to work in, or in other words allow the readers to empathize with your MC. Yes, he murdered someone. That's the shock value. Now tell us why we should care about this.
I found that somewhat unrealistic, it's incredibly hard to forget something as traumatic as murder in the space of five months. I don't know how serious the murder was, but in some cases it can lead to what we call PTSD. Speaking of murder, why is there no trail? No consequences of this murder apart from the MC beating himself up over this fact. The sentence I've bolded has awkward phasing, rearrange it. Another thing, yes, you can suppress a traumatic until it becomes a shadow that lurks in the recess of your mind. But as I've already mentioned, unless your MC undergoes a head injury or any injury that damages the brain. It is highly unlikely that your MC forgot that he killed someone. The ending seems promising, so obviously there are consequences, why not write about those consequences?
I'm going to wrap this up now, my main point being you need to flesh out this story before actually posting up for readers. Right now, this is more like the skeleton of an idea than an actual chapter.
If you've got any comments or questions, let me know.
-Flite
Thank you for the review. I clicked on your links and they were really helpful. The showing in writing I have to work on that one. Also can you review the new version of this chapter after I finish re-writing it.
Certainly. Just post the link on my wall or PM me when you've finished editing. And if you need help, feel free to ask too.
Wooooaaaah. Woah. This is creepy.
Hey, Will here.
This work was...definitely horror and supernatural. Like seriously, this scared me. I think you have a wonderful style of writing because you make the reader feel the way you want them to feel - in this case it was, 'creeped out' - which you 100% fulfilled.
One example of what I did like was:
And me, personally, got a strong, vivid image of a guy at a bar, just staring into nowhere, gulping down his booze. And you didn't even say a descriptive word!
You are
Now, onto the other part of the review...
Firstly, your title. It's annoying. Because it's not capitalised. How I think titles should work is with the book's title first (in this case it is 'Memories') and then a dash, and then 'Chapter One,' or 'Chapter Two.'
So it would look like:
Memories - Chapter One
Also, note the spaces on either side of the dash! On a side note, this part is quite short. In fact, I would much rather call it a prologue. Think about it: it introduces the storyline, characters, and leaves the reader with an interesting thought...
I think you should change this to something like:
Human memory is a funny thing.
Just adding a 'human' makes it flow twenty times better.
Since you know that your story will have the word 'memory' a lot of times, try to cut it down where it is unnecessary. Here is a perfect example of that.
And
Wwhen it’s lost it’s difficult to regainthe memory.it again.If you simply rephrase this, it will work much better.
...forget where you put the
remote for the T.V.T.V remote.It's
The small things that are easily forgotten - not the big things.I LOVE this line, SOOOOOOOOOOO much! It's so mysterious...oooh, you committed a murder...ooooh... Thumbs up for that!
I think you should rephrase these few sentences.
I'm a man that drank to forget his past. Every day, I was gulping down booze
until Ito forgetofwhat I did.All I ever wanted was to live in peace.
andas the nightmares of my past kept on torturing me every day.After five months of torture
., I started forgetting what happened.I didn't remember the sin I had
donecomitted.Yet in the end I wished I
hadn't.done it. I wished I never tried so hard. AsWwhen I forgot, my past came back with a vengeance.What a spectacular ending! I loved this piece so much!
Spoiler
I WANT MORE! PLEEEASE! Write faster! You have a follower here!
I hope you enjoyed this review (as much as I did
-willachilles
Thanks for the advice I'll fix the grammar. Also you might need to wait awhile since I'm a beginner at writing. The other thing I'm adding more to this chapter so it can be an actual chapter. I made it too short and I forgot to add some writing. So be patient it'll take one week maybe to finish fixing chapter one. The next chapter is hard to say how long it'll take, but most likely it won't take that long since ideas come easily to me.
It's okay. Take all the time you need.