Alright I'm going to basically sum up what Hawkie has just said using the same example.
“You. I see you. Standing behind the mirror.” He whispered.
So yes the he should not be capitalized instead it should be like this:
“You. I see you. Standing behind the mirror,” he whispered.
When something is said and you end it with he/she said/whispered/ect you ALWAYS have a comma at the end of what is said (unless it's a question or needs an exclamation mark) and have a lower case letter at "he whispered."
But if it was a little more detailed like this:
“You. I see you. Standing behind the mirror.” He whispered quietly staring at the little girl that stood in front of him.
I'm pretty sure when something is said and a full sentence is left after it it needs a capital letter and at the end of what is said needs a full stop. I'm not 100% sure so you might have to check that one up, but that's how I see it. A lot of people make this mistake all the time so don't worry yourself to much.
You NEED to use a bit more commas, that way you don't have so may sentences.
He looked to his left. At one point he had seen a green wall, it had yellow spots. A couch matching that wall too. Now its black and white. The colors have bled into each other. Slightly warped. Soon enough the mother would see the world change. He turned back. He saw two lights. One slowly dimming ever more by the second.
I could have made that just a few sentences without adding any extra words, like so:
He looked to his left, at one point he had seen a green wall, it had yellow spots. A couch matching that wall too, now its black and white. The colors have bled into each other, slightly warped. Soon enough the mother would see the world change. He turned backs he saw two lights; one slowly dimming ever more by the second.
Now again I am not 100% sure, but I prefer if a paragraph is like this, to have fewer sentences. It just makes it easier for the reader to understand.
Everything else seems great and it's really interesting. Maybe if you made it just a bit longer you'd have more readers hooked?
Points: 1480
Reviews: 3
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