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139,639 Literary Works • 672,637 Reviews
I love this poem, especially the way you organized it: what they did, what you don't want to do, what you do want to do, again the things they did, then summing it all up. Maybe you could break it up into stanzas by that. I also like the repetition. It adds emphasis. In short, this poem is amazing! It's true and something everyone can relate to. You can really feel the emotion!
I love this poem. People don't like it when I'm not what they want. I am always changing and my emotions are unpredictable because I am bi polar so I feel and understand this. Sometimes it's easier to have a one time friend.
This was a good piece.. the emotion is tangible, is easy to relate to. The whole situation is easy to relate to.
I would consider breaking this up, or at least the repetition. When there's this much repetition, readers are less likely to take each word into account. I would some more description of some type in this... right now it's more a rant in some ways. If you add in some metaphors or imagery, it would make it more poem-like. Or poetic. Whatever phrase floats your boat.
Anyways.. good piece.. I think it could just be improved.
Nice job.
Coral
Thank you all for your comments and constructive critism! I will be changing the errors, but thank you for spending your time and reading over my work. I would like you all to know that I really appreciate all the hard work you do! So thank you all again!
this poem has a lot of emotion which is really good and really strong. my favorite parts are highlighted in purple. and i love how you grouped things together like all your wants and everything they expect you to do. i love this keep writing!
Very powerful. The way you only used end punctuation on some lines seemed to emphasize those particular lines in the poem.
This part with the exclamation marks emphasizes the anger. This part also makes good points.
The lines without the end punctuation seem like they're running into each other because you're so angry. That contributes to the mood of the poem but can sometimes make things unclear. The end with the question mark makes it stand out.
Well, inspiration comes from everywhere. Nice poem, though.
I think most people can probably identify with this. When a person knows a friend for a long period of time, they begin to expect things of them, they attach certain labels onto you and criticise you when you contradict their view of you. So in a weird way friendships can turn into a mental prison. If that's what this poem is about, then I'm pretty sure everyone can relate to that.
I quite like the rebelliousness of this poem. The structure itself reflects this rebelliousness quite well; you have five lines beginning with "They expect", then four lines of "I don't want", then four lines of "I want", and the reader starts to see a pattern emerge (maybe there will be three lines next time), but just as this thought pattern emerges in the reader's head it is demolished by a sudden jump to two lines of "Yet no one" followed by two lines without repetition. I don't know if it was intentional, but I think It's a great visual representation of 'breaking free' - something I'd be willing to guess you were wanting to do while writing this poem.
Nice work : )
I did notice what appear to be a few typos which you may want to correct:
On a final note, I found the last line "Because what are friends for?" very powerful. People often say it isn't healthy to not have friends, and to an extent they're right, but there are times when I just wonder, why bother having friends if they're abusive friends? Personally, I would have had 'What are friend for?' as the title, but don't change it unless you really agree with me; the poem is fine without a change in title.
This reminds of poems I used to write about several "friends" of mine. I can really identify with the anger presented in this.
Hmm...a lot of anger... Ha, but you have no idea why you were angry? Either way, good poem. Keep it up!
~mybrokenreality