Published September 9, 2008
i envelope all i see
i am a song in a minor key
Where imagination runs rampant
and the soul flies free
i am the shadow cast by the noon day sun
i thrive in the riddle that is me
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141,616 Literary Works • 675,162 Reviews
You've got a few good images here - I really love 'I am a song in minor key,' which is crazy evocative and tells the reader so much about the speaker - but this kind of self-defining poem is a majorly overdone genre. You've managed a pretty original, enjoyable piece of it, but by its very nature it's navel-gazing and totally centered on the speaker, which means that the reader doesn't get very much for it. I think if you took these images and put them into a poem that a stranger might be able to relate to more, you would have something pretty spectacular.
This is really good.
a nice quick poem that contains some great rhymes and holds a strong rhythm.
because i think it has potential, i am going to pick up on a few things...
including capital 'I' s. Add them in. (i know im not using them here but they should really go in on a formal piece of text)
also, try and add a few commas in to break it down a little
good work and i hope i have helped
bisquit