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Young Writers Society


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Claim for Fame

by TC36


Claim for Fame

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career.I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I have failed over, and over, and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” This quote by Michael Jeffery Jordan may be the most meaningful quote in his very successful career playing basketball. Jordan may have even been the greatest to ever step foot on a basketball court.

Born in Brooklyn, New York, on February 17th, 1963. Only weeks after being born, Michael Jordan moved to Wilmington, North Carolina. His parents knew that Brooklyn is not ideal for a young kid to grow up around all the street life that occurs there. They wanted what was best for their kids and keep them away from as many bad influences as possible. It was in Wilmington, North Carolina where his competitive attitude was born. His father stated–“What he does have is a competition problem. He was born with that… the person he tries to out due most of the time is himself.”

Jordan grew up in a relatively comfortable living family that was by no means poor, or rich. He grew up with no intention to play basketball even in high school, let alone go on to college and later the NBA. Instead, at a young age Michael showed a lot of interest in baseball, where he was named to top player and pitcher of the league for his town and the surrounding area.

His love for basketball began as a sophomore in high school, when he finally began to grow and started focusing more on his basketball game rather than other sports.Although he

was only six feet tall at the time, he made it onto the JV basketball team. He grew discouraged when a teammate of his that was on JV was bumped up to the Varsity level, but that did not stop him. He made a promise later to never let that happen to himself ever again, and this is the time he really began to step up his game, taking the game to another level.

Michael Jordan began to grow both in skill, and height. By his senior year, he was 6’3” and colleges including North Carolina began looking at him as a possible recruit. They grew more interested, as games went by watching him play. In the year of 1991, Michael Jordan graduated receiving a full-ride scholarship to the University of North Carolina. It was at this point where his basketball career took off, as his continuously growing fan base exploded. During his freshman year at UNC he helped his team to a shot at the NCAA Championship, where he made the game winning basket to beat the Georgetown Hoyas.

In his next year of basketball, his performance continued to grow, as he was honored with the title of the 1993-1994 College Player of the Year. During this year he also was a part of the U.S. Olympic Men’s Basketball team where he led them to a gold medal! At this moment Jordan decided he was finished with his college career, and was ready for his chances in the NBA.

Michael Jordan entered the NBA in the 1984 draft, going to the Chicago Bulls in the first round, and the third overall pick of the draft. It was on the Chicago Bulls where Jordan made history countless times, and would soon enough go down as one of the greatest basketball players in the history of the NBA.

Almost right away Jordan proved that he was an important player that made a positive impact on the Bulls. He played his first game on October 26th, 1984 where he lit it up. Michael ended his rookie season as one of the top scorers in the entire league, with an astonishing 28.2 points on average per game. During that year he was awarded the title of NBA Rookie of the Year, as well as the amazing privilege of making the All Star Team as a rookie.

In 1993 after winning his third championship as a member of the Chicago Bulls. Tragically the same year his father was murdered. The media used this to pester Jordan in ways that were cruel, blaming him for things that took place due to his gambling that had been previously discovered. This tore Michael Jordan apart like nothing he had ever experienced before, he was used to persevering through almost anything, but this was just too much to handle. Just two days before the 1993-1994 season Michael Jordan made it known to the public that he would be retiring from his basketball career. He made this decision with intentions of making his father proud and going to play baseball instead. He tried out for a semi-pro team associated with the White Sox. He made the team but he was made quickly aware that the years of him not playing baseball took a toll on him. He began his first few seasons under a .225 batting average, and once again grew discouraged.

After one year of baseball he came out of retirement, and once again joined the NBA as a member of the Chicago Bulls. It was made clear that basketball was his game as the first year he was back he led the entire NBA once again with an outstanding 30.4 average points per game, to once again be named the league MVP. That same year he led his team to a NBA record number of victories (72), in the next three years he went on to win three consecutive NBA titles, and once again named MVP of the finals.

In 1999, after a very successful career and many awards, Michael Jordan once again decided to retire. This decision was influenced when the Bulls dynasty as it was known began to break apart. During the next two years he spent a lot of his time with his wife and family of three children. Once again the draw of basketball could not stay away from him. Again in the 2001-2002 season he joined up with the Washington Wizards. During this season he began to show his age, even though he still averaged 23 points per game. He went onto the 2002-2003 and kept pushing through the season even though his knee was beginning to give him major issues. It was at the end of this season that for the last time he got to be a part of the NBA All-Star game for his 13th time, after coming to his final retirement.

Even after retirement Michael Jordan is still very well-known and respected by millions of people. He continues a shoe and clothing brand that is going very well. His Air Jordan brand was established in 1985. He has also been a major sponsor for many well-known brands such as Nike, and Gatorade. Not only was he a great athlete and businessman, but he even had an acting career in many commercials, and the movies Space Jam and Looney Tunes.

Michael Jordan could do it all. With countless awards, just a few can show the amazing, all-around capability that Jordan brought to each and every game. Throughout his career he was awarded with three Most Valuable Player Awards, named Defensive Player of the Year in 1988, named the All-Star Game MVP in both 1988, and 1996, and even out of game showing his skill with two Slam Dunk Contest Titles in 1987, and 1988.

Works Cited

A&E Television Networks. "Michael Jordan Biography" ["Michael Jordan Biography"]. Biography.com. Ed. Laura Grimm, Leanne French, and Eudie Pak. N.p., 2015. Web. 21 Apr. 2015. .

ACESHOWBIZ.com. "Michael Jordan Biography" ["Michael Joordan Biography"]. ACESHOWBIZ.com. Ed. Anita Yang and Rose Perkins. Denny Lee, 2005-2015. Web. 21 Apr. 2015. .

Advameg. "Michael Jordan Biography" ["Michael Jordan Biography"]. notablebiographies.com. Advameg, 2015. Web. 21 Apr. 2015. .


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Points: 4091
Reviews: 118

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Sun Apr 26, 2015 5:39 am
Reet3103 wrote a review...



Hey there.

I think it was a really good biography. Like, people tend to add in their own opinions, elements, acts etc. which is not appropriate for biographies and you did a good job by keeping that in mind.

And the citations, something that many do forget. I do know a lot about Jordan, but I read it with a mindset of not knowing anything, and this gave me a great description about him. Kudos. I really think you should've proofread it at least once. I found typos and all. And the title, it was too vague and didn't relate (not in a good way obviously)

Secondly, sorry I'm writing short reviews, but only because I'm sorta busy, otherwise I would've given more inputs.

Keep writing and stay blessed.

xoxo




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34 Reviews


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Reviews: 34

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Sun Apr 26, 2015 4:36 am
RedMoon wrote a review...



I don't know biographies very well, but I do know essays. I've been reading and writing them since January, and thankfully I've picked up a few things. I'm going to review this piece as if it were for something very important because I'm not sure if it is or not. As a warning, I'm going to be very nitpicky.

First off, I wanted to tell you that I did not know anything at all about Michael Jordan beyond that he played football (just kidding, basketball). Thanks to your essay, though, my knowledge has been expanded greatly. You picked some great quotes to use. They were perfectly placed and they really captured what you were trying to say.

You also had great cohesion between the paragraphs. There were no sudden shifts. You knew exactly where you were headed the entire way. If you jumped a couple of years, that was okay, because you told the reader exactly what you were doing.

Your other reviewer might be right about the title. Claim for Fame is a little cliché. I would have made it more about Michael Jordan or basketball just to help the reader know exactly what they're getting into. However, don't be afraid to stick to your guns and keep the title if you want to. I do like how it sounds, and it does fit in a way.

I know that this is review day, but like I said, I'm going to review this piece until it bleeds because I have no idea how important this essay is. Having written at least seven these past couple of months, though, I'm going to assume that the only reason you wrote this was because you had to. That is the only reason I would. I might be wrong, though, but I don't really care.

These are grammar mistakes that you made. I'm going to focus on the ones that really pop out and why:

"Jordan may have even been the greatest to ever step foot on a basketball court."

The idea behind this line is great, but the "may have even been" part doesn't fit here. Using this means that you have described Jordan as something lesser before this, which you haven't. It also sound that you're sure but not so sure but you're going to say that Jordan is the best anyways. Don't be afraid to make it definitive. I know that it's a biography, but it's your piece and you obviously have some bias. If you're not that comfortable, then fix it to the point where you don't sound so unsure.

"Born in Brooklyn, New York, on February 17th, 1963."

That's just a fragment but it read wrong and it kind of ruined the flow for me because I had to reread it a few times before I got what it was saying. That's why I mentioned it.

"His parents knew that Brooklyn is not ideal for a young kid to grow up around all the street life that occurs there."

It's not good to switch from past tense to present tense. I'm not sure if you are trying to say that it's still bad for a kid to grow up in Brooklyn, but really you're in the past so you should stay in the past.

"...the person he tries to out due most of the time is himself.”

It's not "due", it's "do". "Due" means that something is owed. And the word is "outdo". I'm not sure if you copied and paste that straight from your source or not.

"Jordan grew up in a relatively comfortable living family that was by no means poor, or rich."

This is just my suggestion, but I think that it would flow better if you said "Jordan grew up in a relatively comfortable family that was neither poor nor rich." It just sounds better and the living in front of "family" implies that other families did not live. It has to go regardless.

"He grew up with no intention to play basketball even in high school, let alone go on to college and later the NBA."

I don't think anyone grows up with the intention of doing anything. I would say something like "He had no intention of playing basketball as a career, let alone playing for college and later the NBA." Or something like that. I know that what I just wrote doesn't sound all that good either.

"Although he

was only six feet tall at the time..."

It's spaced like that because that is how it turned out in your essay.

"...he made it onto the JV basketball team."

You never specified before what JV means. You shouldn't abbreviate things like this until you have spelled out the entire word and put the abbreviation in parentheses. For example: "The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)..."

"Michael Jordan began to grow both in skill, and height."

Skill and height. No comma between them. I'd go back through the entire essay because you did this several times. The rule is that commas are only used in lists when there are three or more items.

"...as he was honored with the title of the 1993-1994 College Player of the Year."

I would make this into a separate sentence entirely.

"That same year he led his team to a NBA record number of victories (72), in the next three years he went on to win three consecutive NBA titles, and once again named MVP of the finals."

Run-on. Cut it off at the first period and add "was" before "once again".

The conclusion did not read like a conclusion. My English professor always warns me that I should never use information that I have not disclosed before in the conclusion. A conclusion is supposed to round out the essay, summarize the entire piece in a sentence or two, and restate your thesis, which in this case would be the last sentence in the first paragraph. I would add another paragraph to the end of this.

All in all, you've done great work so far. Fix the things that need fixing and you are nearly there to a perfect piece. It doesn't hurt to re-review a piece. I'm not sure if I got everything.

Keep doing what you're doing!




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Sun Apr 26, 2015 3:30 am
rhane118 wrote a review...



Hi! Happy Review Day!

I don't necessarily know how to review a biography so here goes nothing!

The organization of your biography was good. I liked how you presented your facts and it made it really easy for me to follow. I learned things about Michael Jordan that I never knew (I didn't know much about him to begin with anyway).

I thought that your title was a little cliche though, no offense. I just think that the "claim to fame" phrase is just used to much.

All in all I think you did a good job presenting your facts and informing your reader.





I just write poetry to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief. I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway.
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