Published January 22, 2015
It comes out of nowhere,
An overwhelming pressure I'm unable to handle.
I can't breathe.
How do I breathe? I don't remember.
My mind is foggy and I can't think.
My chest feels like I'm being stabbed; like something's trying to dig its way out
Though I manage, the attack subsides.
But it comes again in a different form,
"You're faking it!" "You just want attention!"
There really is no escape,
I am either trapped in my anxiety,
Or I am condemned with societies words.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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It's cool people use poetry to release their pain but But here it looks like you used poetry to
talk about your pain.That is a huge poetry mistake it will expose your weak spots because your not trying to contain them. Use your poetry to escape your pain because only people can help you and your pain and I am not a doctor. Trust me I suffered from severe Clinical Anxiety all my life it hasn't changed much,But I know letting your problems take over your creativity is not right.That is something alot of poets here should know so they can be poets not patients.
Thank you for your review.
Alas, I don't plan on changing this to fir better to this review because I DID release my pain while writing this. I let out some frustrations and communicated (somewhat???) WHY I was frustrated. So, whether you feel like I'm a patient or not, this is what I was feeling and I let my mind come out onto the page (screen?)
Again, I appreciate that you took the time out of your day to read this and review. Thank you, and have a nice day.
Hello
I really like the raw emotion that came out of this poem, I can feel the desperation. My favorite line is: 'I am trapped in my anxiety, Or I am condemned with societies words'. 
Thank you for sharing this
Thank you. I really liked that part as well, I'm glad you liked it!
Wow! That's all I can say is... Wow!
What's up Dogs here and love the poem. It's so... Wow!
Nitpicks
1/1. So, I mean some people do this on purpose, but you didn't put in any periods, and I am no grammar freak, in fact a failed a grammar pre test (not for a grade) in language arts class, so I am working on my grammar though. Anyway stop talking about me, this is about you, I can tell you about me later...
(Off Topic!)
*Back to topic*
Alright so that was about the only nitpick I saw, but if there are more sorry, I didn't catch them.
Now to the good part.
I just want to ask...
Are you feeling this in real life? Or did you just write this, to write this?
This is a very good, unique, and amazing poem that other people would love (in my opinion).
I think when you are old enough (not saying that you are little, or old!) but you should become an author of poetry. That is how I feel about this particular poem, and plenty of other poems I read on YWS. In fact, I think that this poem and others on YWS are better than normal poetry books, because to tell you the truth I am not a big fan of those, but I would surely read yours, if I of course knew your name, but we are not going to go there.
Well anyway I thought that was good
Keep up the good writing
Love,
Dogs!
The lack of punctuation was actually on purpose, but I went back and fixed it due to the complaint about it from the reviewer below. It probably does a lot better with punctuation, in my opinion. Thank you for taking the time to nitpick, I appreciate it.
And the answer is yes, to your question as to whether or not I feel this. I had actually just gotten through an anxiety attack when I decided to write this. The actual reason for writing is being that my Mom made fun of me for it, so I was a little irked and wanting to show that people don't take anxiety seriously? Hence the ending part where people accuse you of being a fake. I probably could have went about it in a better way and showed that message more? But eh. I like this how it is.
Maybe published authors do more poetry for the money than they do from the heart? You know? And others who aren't published and aren't being rewarded for their work are simply spilling out their emotions (like it should be, in my opinion)
I'm really glad that you liked this, and thank you for reviewing!
No problem. And hey I don't care about the lack of punctuation really, I just wanted to point that out in case you didn't notice! Anyway... Talk to you later
Dear Sylar14,
I'm going to be completely honest I found this piece of literature to be a bit disappointing. However, I only feel like that, because of the writing style.
Cons: There are only a couple general problems that I have found. The punctuation, is nearly absent from the literary work. Even though "most" forms of poetry, have a requirement for punctuation. The only other thing that I found was the complete lack of rhythm and flow.
Pros: I have a huge list of pros, but not unlimited room. Therefore, I will give you only a couple of them. I have completely loved the way, that you immersed yourself into the piece. I also loved the title, I mean I honestly don't know if I could have named the piece better.
P.S. I have extreme anxiety attacks due to ptsd from gun fights, caused by gang related activities. So I do relate if you ever want to talk about anything just private message me.
~The Truth
I don't really do poetry?? I'm actually not even 100% sure if this could be considered poetry, but whatever. As for punctuation, I didn't feel like it at the time. Heh. I went back and fixed it though? I think? I've never been too great with punctuation, so....
Thanks, I hope you're able to deal with your anxiety well. I probably won't take you up on that offer, but I appreciate it nonethless!
Now, that the punctuation is fixed I can feel the words flow. More like a poem should. If I may ask please head on over and give me a review if you have the time. [url: World of Secrecy: Truth] World of Secrecy: Truth [/url]