16+

Compliments Are The Best Way To A Girl's Heart... Right?

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

“When was the last time you talked to her?” Nate asked as he peaked into the gift shop to watch the brunette at the counter.

“Don’t look!” Oriel swatted him and he backed away, averting his eyes as he was told. “Last week,” She answered, “she told me where she was working for the summer. Which is here.”

“And when did you two become friends, exactly? I thought she was prone to ignoring you?”

She seemed more reluctant to answer this. “Last week?” She said timidly. “When she told me about her job?”

Nate sighed and rubbed his forehead. “This isn’t going to work out well at all…”

She glared at him. “You don’t know that.”

He peeked through the cracks of his fingers before dropping his hand, raising an eyebrow incredulously. “You have a hopeless crush on the most popular girl in our year, who has ignored you since middle school and you only just happened to strike up a conversation with her lost week. Oh, not to mention she’s always one of the straightest people on the planet.” He offered a mocking smile, “Do tell, how is this plan going to work at all?

Oriel’s nose scrunched. “Whatever. Just- you stay out here, and I’ll go in.”She glanced through the window, then back at Nate. “Alright. I can do this.”

He rolled her eyes, but gave her a thumbs up. “I believe in you, baby.” They exchanged a high five and she entered the gift shop. Though one she stepped through the doorway, it was like she’d forgotten how to walk like a normal person. Her stride to the counter was awkward, like her legs weren’t moving right and her ass felt weird. She practically collapsed onto the register in relief when she finally reached her destination and no longer had to walk.

Paige- the object of her affection for God knows how many years -was tending to another customer and hadn’t noticed her yet. Which gave her just enough time to panic. ‘What if’s’ swarmed her mind; what if Paige didn’t remember her? What if Paige got weirded out that she was coming to visit her at work? What if Oriel suddenly lost her voice and was left to stand there looking like a complete idiot? What if everything worked out smoothly, but some wanker burst in and interrupted them at the worst possible moment?! Oriel sucked in a breath. “I can’t do this.” But as she was about to turn to flee, Paige’s attention was on her. The brunette’s face lit up in a perfect white smile, that made her a thousand times more beautiful. Oriel soaked in that smile, grinning as she stared, admiring just how pretty-

“Hello?” Paige’s voice jerked her from her reverie.

Oriel blinked rapidly. “Oh, sorry. Hi.”

Paige leaned on the counter and tilted her head, biting her lip to suppress an amused giggle. “Hi…” She paused, “Um. Oral?”

“Oriel.”

“Right!” That smile was intoxicating. “Did you need help with anything?”

Oriel scratched her arm. ’You can do it!’ was being chanted in her head, in Nate’s ever motivating tone. She turned on her Ultimate Confidence And Charm switch. ’I can do this.’ She agreed with Mental Nate. She propped her elbow on the counter, resting her chin in her hand and grinning toothily, “I just thought I’d swing by and tell you how beautiful you are.”

Paige didn’t seem to have any negative reaction to the comment, in fact, her smile grew and she laughed, “Oh my God, that’s so sweet of you.” She tapped the tip of Oriel’s nose and stood up straight, “That just made my day- which has been really rough, mind you. Thank you so much, Oriel. You’re an angel.”

Oriel’s cheeks puffed in an awkward expression. “Actually-”

“You’re looking pretty cute today yourself.”

Her puffed cheeks turned scarlet at that. “I don’t- I don’t think you’re really grasping what I’m trying to say.”

Paige’s smile dropped, along with Oriel’s heart. Her brows furrowed in a confused expression. “What do you mean?”

‘Shitshitshit. Fix it, fix it now. Make her smile again.’ “I can’t- there aren’t any words that I can use to describe how… nice you look. Today. And all the time.”

The smile returned. Success. Paige covered her mouth and giggled, “You’re too sweet, Oriel. Stop it.”

Oriel forced a smile, masking her utter disappointment. “I couldn’t do that even if I wanted to.” They just smiled at each other, Paige’s amazing, bright, beautiful smile compared to Oriel’s weird-ass, awkward-as-fuck grimace.

“Excuse me,” Another customer interrupted, and Paige turned away to assist them, not bothering to say another word to Oriel. If she were completely honest with herself, she was actually glad. Her Ultimate Confidence And Charm switch had broke when she opened her mouth. She took advantage of her opportunity for escape, and did just that.

Bursting out of the gift shop, Oriel fell into Nate’s arms with a melodramatic fake sob. “It didn’t work!” She wailed.

“Told you.”

“Shut up and comfort me.”

He scoffed and patted her back. “Maybe next time, sweetheart.”

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
Auxiira
Comment

I completely and utterly get this >.<

User avatar
Seraphinaxx
Review

Awwwww this made me feel really sad :(

Don't take that as an insult though. It means you managed to get me attached to your main character and hoping she'd manage to get the girl she likes to say yes. After all, I think almost all of us have been in the position of liking someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't feel the same way about us. I personally spent two years with a massive crush on my best friend, who never wanted to be more than friends. And now I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy. I hope if you continue this story that'll happen for Oriel. Well, not a guy. But someone.

Which brings me to my second point, the fact that your main character is a lesbian or bisexual. I feel like that's still a very brave choice to make, considering how in a lot of places there's still the debates going on about gay marriage, and the number of people who have a strong opinion about it. I personally feel that you handled it very well and did a great job of making Oriel a character rather than a stereotype. So well done you :).

If someone held a gun to my head and told me I had to find something I didn't like about this story, I would have to say that the whole unrequited love thing is something I personally find hard to read, as it always provokes a very emotional reaction in me. All I can say to that is I'm glad Oriel has such a great friend to provide support when things don't go right. The relationship between her and Nate was fun to read and felt really natural.

The final thing I'm going to say is that I enjoyed this story. It was an interesting read and you did a great job of making me care about the characters. It's very well written and I personally hope that you at least consider continuing it.

I have five more chapters that need to be edited, and I'm aiming for 12 of them. So I am planning to write more!! I'm glad you liked it. Thank you very much for the comment!

By the way, I love your profile picture! Dishonored is one of the coolest games EVER!

I really hope Bethesda announce Dishonored 2 or Fallout 4 at E3.

User avatar
Nargles
Review
Nargles wrote a review · Mon Feb 09, 2015 7:00 am

Hey,
You are going to have to bare with me because I'm not one for reviewing stories often. But I will give this a good go.

This is really sweet, if also embarrassing and awkward to read. But, that's because the situation is embarrassing and awkward for the character. I like the way you set up the situation and setting, and introduce the characters. I'm one of those people who don't like it whe authors spend chunks or paragraphs explaining what a character is like or their backstory.

The dialogue between Oriel and Nate is really natural and just flows, you can tell they've been friends for a while and understand each other.

The only problem is that it is rather short, and for an opening paragraph is rather lacking. You could fix this by simply letting it continue. Maybe Oriel and Nate can go and get lunch and Oriel can wallow in self-pity and Nate can try and come up with ideas for Oriel to get the girl.
Of course, I'm not sure where you are going with this plot wise, but extended the chapter a bit might be a good idea.

Good job though, it is very good.
Nargles xx

Thank you very much for the review!
I'll definitely take this advice. I'd never turn down the suggestion of having more interactions between Oriel and Nate. Heh.



The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
— Patrick Star