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16+ Mature Content

chapter 4 change of hearts..

by Swetachowdhury0

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Mia's Pov

I woke up in the morning and decided to go out of my room since I have locked myself in the room from two weeks already. I went down and I noticed the house for the very first time and it was well decorated. I went to the kitchen where I saw a woman cooking something, she asked me if I needed anything and told me to wait as she was preparing breakfast. I told her that I will make coffee myself. I made coffee and  took my cup and went outside when dad saw me coming out of the kitchen. He stood up and asked me," what were you doing in the kitchen if you need something Mrs.choi will cook you just tell her." he seemed worried. I told him, "I was making coffee." and I started going upstairs. When he suddenly asked me," Mia, will you eat breakfast with me toda?." His voice seemed like he wanted me to eat with him.

I didn't know what to do so I turned around and look down, and said: "I need to brush my teeth first." And I went directly to my room. I drank my coffee and got freshen up then went downstairs again. I saw dad and a man seating on the dining table. They looked at me and I can see happiness in dad's face. I didn't give any reaction and sat on the table. They both were looking towards me as if I am an alien. I started eating but it is very awkward as they both were continuously staring at me. I looked up and say," why aren't you both eating ?"

??:-" yaa sure"

Dad:-" Oh, mia eats this. I ask Mrs.choi to make it for you. Do you still like pancakes? "

I nodded.

Dad:-" good. I am very happy to see you, dear. Okay, meet him he is Choi min ho. He lives with me."

I look at him and he passeD his hand to shake.

Me -: " annyeong hasyeo".

I start eating and dad kept asking me if I needed anything. We finished our breakfast and thanks Mrs choice for breakfast. I turn back to dad and told him, "I am going out for some time."

Dad:- "but you don't know the ways. Will you be alright?  What if you forget the way? Take my number if you need anything call me. "

He handed me his phone and we exchange numbers.

Dad:- "ah, take his number also. He will help you."

Me:-"I don't need it. I am leaving now. "

I went out of the house and started walking. while looking around I wished omma was with us, she would be so happy. Everything is so good but without her, it seems like something important is missing. I went to the bus stop and decided to visit omma grave first. I took the bus and went straight there. I paid my respect and I sat there for a while. When I saw a father and a little girl probably 10 yr old was paying respect to a grave. I look at omma and said," maybe one day you will get to see us together. What should I do? I don't know what should I do and I can't live like this.... " suddenly my phone vibrated, I got a text. I checked it and it was

"Hii, its min ho. This is my number. save it. And if you need to know anything you can call me anytime."

I ignored his text and sat there for a while. i stood up and was thinking about where to go now, I don't wanted to be in the room again. I decided to go back to the place we used to live but I didn't knew the address. I saw a bookshop so I went in and decided to buy a book. Then I went back home. I was sitting and reading the book I purchased. And it was around 6 pm.i heard some noises. I open the door and went down to see. There was a new man sitting and talking with them. All I heard was

" We have to do something with Mrs Lee. If she continues working like this we will be ruined. Already the company is facing the worst situation. There are many issues with the project work she has signed. We cannot work on those projects. It will cause us a huge loss. We are already suffering from it, but we can't anymore. We will end up losing everything".

I decided to go out again. So I was going out when Papa called me, "Mia, where are you going? "

I turned and told him," going for a walk". I saw a new person sitting there as he said," you have grown so well, Mia. Remember me, I am uncle Lang. We were a neighbour. I bow and said him," annyeonghasyeo". I turned and went outside the place.

Choi min ho's Pov

I was sitting in the meeting room and discussing the future plans of the company. When suddenly someone opened the door and entered the room. She was looking around and she started walking towards uncle Kim. I can't hear properly their conversation. And she threw something on uncle desk. When she goes out. I asked him what's wrong. He was reading the report and his eyes were watery. He started panicking and walking towards outside. I run towards him and stopped him to ask, "what's wrong uncle, everything fine? Who was she ?"

Uncle Kim:- " she must be Mia, my daughter. I need to go take care of everything."

Me:- "but where are you going."

Uncle kim:- " your aunt is admitted to the hospital, she is suffering from blood cancer. I have to go and see her now."

I told him that I will go with him. We went together to the hospital. I have never seen him in this way. He kept crying. We reached there he told me he is going first as I have to park the car. I went inside and decided to go in. As I opened the door the same girl bumped into me after that she went to the corridors side. I waited outside the room. Uncle came out and we went to see the doctor. After some time, she came out rushing and was crying, asking the doctor to check aunt. But before the doctor could do something, she left us. Uncle waited to meet her for so long but they could not be together for more than half an hour.

We finished her funeral. When I noticed Mia crying outside of the hall. I went to her and ask her to go home but she passed out. I took her home and put her in the room uncle wanted to give her when they would be together.

It has been two weeks since she is living with us. Aunt dead had a great bad effect on both father and daughter. One has locked herself in the room and other is a victim of depression.

I woke up and got ready to go to the office. I was going down when I saw her on stairs looking at uncle Kim and saying," I need to brush first." I heard her saying that. What does it mean.? Is she going to eat with us? I went down and asked an uncle, "what was she doing ?" He seemed very happy. Finally, I saw him smiling after a long time. He said," she is going to eat with us."

Me:- "does sun rises from the east ?" " Am I dreaming.”

He hit me on my shoulder and told me to prepare pancakes as she loved it. "Why do I have to make. You can ask mrs.choi to make it." I said. He told me, "you know....". I interrupted him," that she like pancakes". We went inside the kitchen and I started preparing pancakes. After 15 minutes, it was done.

The table was done and we were waiting for her. I ask an uncle," is she really going to come. Did you hear her clearly." He gave me an annoyed look. "Your daughter is so ....". As I was going to complete my sentence when I saw her coming down the stairs. She came nearer and sat opposite me. Uncle signal mrs.choi to serve her and she did. She thanks her. Finally, she knows how to thanks other. She was eating and I and uncle were staring herm it was a rare sight for us. It was quite unbelievable. We had lost our hope if uncle could meet his family again. She looked up at us and told," why are you eating.?"

Uncle nodded and finally I get to eat. He was really happy, his face was shining. After she completed her breakfast, she told him, "I am going out." Uncle ask for her number and she gave but when he told her to get mine also, she said, "it's okay, I don't need it now".

After she went out. I looked at him and he was smiling. I told him, "are you going to smile all day. Your daughter is really very arrogant. She must have gone on aunt. She has her temper."

Uncle Kim:-" aren't you going to the office. Just leave now." And "I will text you her number, she might need anything so help her."

I started my car and driving when I saw her sitting at the bus stop. I thought to ask her if she wants a lift. But it was better to leave her alone for some time. I started driving and went to my office.

I went inside my cabin and took my phone out of the pocket and I thought of sending her a text but what should I say. So I texted her "hi, it's min ho, this is my number. Save it and if you need to know anything you can call me anytime." I was waiting if she replies. But I got nothing in return. Maybe we will get along with time...

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71 Reviews

Points: 142
Reviews: 71

Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:56 pm
Anamel wrote a review...

Hi Swetachowdhury0! I'll try my best in this review to point out some grammar mistakes and other stuff to help you. I also thought that the book's setting in Korea combined with the atmospheric introduction to this chapter with the tea was very nice.

"I woke up in the morning and decided to go out of my room since I have locked myself in the room from two weeks already.

I think this sentence is a good introduction because it makes us wonder why she has locked herself in her room for two weeks. However, I think maybe a bit more detail could be added for example: "The blinding sunlight which filtered through the window's sheer curtains forced me awake. Grumbling with annoyance, I rolled out of bed. Today would be the first day I will leave my room since two weeks." Also, instead of from in this sentence it should be corrected to for.

"I went down and I notice the house for the very first time and it was well decorated." This makes me question whether or not this is the first time she is noticing it because its newly decorated. It's also confusing because wouldn't she have seen the house before she had locked herself in her room? I think you could clear up this confusion by changing your sentence for a bit, for example, "I went downstairs for the very first time in awhile. I noticed there were new decorations crowding the living room." Specifying what decorations that she notices which are new would be great too.

He stood up and asks me," what were you doing in the kitchen if you need something mrs.choi will cook you just tell her." Make sure that you're either in present or past tense. If you want to stay in present tense replace stood with stands so it matches up with asks. Also, don't forget to capitalize mrs and Choi.

I didn't know what to do so I turned around and look down, and said: "I need to brush first."

Does this mean she needs to brush her hair or her teeth?

" I didn't give any reaction and sat on the table."

I think you could add to this sentence and make it a bit more powerful. For example, "My face was as expressionless as a robot as my heavy lidded eyes stared at the strange man." Adding detail makes your words way more engaging especially when you have your own little twist on them.

??:-" yaa sure"

The way you wrote this dialogue makes it look like a script. I think you could say something like: "Yeah, sure." the strange man said.

" Everything is so good but without her, it seems like something important is missing. I went to the bus stop and decided to visit omma grave first"

I think this would be a perfect scene to add in detail, emotion, and scenery. For example, what's the weather like? Is it drizzling? Is it cold? Is it dreary or gloomy looking outside?

" Where should I go now, I don't want to be in the room again."

These sentences would probably sound better separated because the first part of the sentence is a question although that is your call.

Your story has lots of potential and I like that you're using Korean greetings too. I hope I could help you! Let me know if you have any questions

hiiii, thanks a lot. this is my first story so i don't have much knowledge but i will try to correct it soon. i hope you like it in future too and help me

Anamel says...

yw! and writing is an awesome journey you'll only get better and better and love it more, i'll try to review your other works when they are released too

Thank u @Anamel. I hope I don't disappoint you.

User avatar
45 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 45

Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:41 pm
potatoefry2001 wrote a review...

Hey there!!! I wanted to say.... Wow!!! You are very gifted with the way you write!! I really hope this is not the end.... I mean, as a reader, I am a little ticked off at the ending if there is no more. If there is more, please try to keep a cliff hanger to a minimum. I need to know what happens. I am on the edge of my seat guessing what may happen. Congratulations on getting me hooked as a reader... That's not the easiest thing to do. Thank you for writing this. If you can, please check out some of my pieces. While they may be morbid, I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions on ways to make my writing better. That's all I have to say for now. Happy Writings and Readings!! 'Tato Out. :)

Hiii, thank u so much...iy means a lot to me... I will follow your suggestion and i hope u enjoy the story. will check work out too thanks for letting me now

Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, you eat for a day. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
— Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec)