Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was quite a premise here...also a very intriguing POV you've chosen for the prologue as from what I assume here, this appears to be someone that's right in the inner circle of the person that's attempting to take over the world and hence is potentially the "bad guy". Its an interesting take here at any rate.

Anyway let's get right to it,

When we were kids, we were told that anything was possible. Of course, we didn’t believe it. We also joked about world domination, thinking we were being funny. Of course, we didn’t actually think it was possible.

For years, we didn’t know how wrong we were.

It all started when codename Ragnorak ran for president. No one thought he would win; again he did this as a joke. But once he started gaining popularity and support from people in our area, then our region; he realized he may actually be able to do it. He eventually gained the support of the whole country and won the election.

In the first few months of his presidency he enlisted a friend from his teen years, codename Anubis, to head the new science division he opened in the Capitol. Anubis, being a laser fusion scientist and one of the top scientists in the country, if not the world, was an obvious choice for the head of the division. Many of Ragnorak’s advisors agreed with his decision. They all believed Anubis would be able to create many new technologies, which would propel the country to the forefront of the scientific revolution.

Lastly Ragnorak recruited me, codename Cerberus. Being an alumnus from the top of my class at West Point, and a friend from his teenage years, I was his first choice to lead his Special Operations unit.

Years passed with relative peace with other countries and prosperity within the country, but it all changed when Ragnorak set his plan into motion. He started by slowly converting the U.S. government from democracy to despotism. It wasn’t full on despotism though, he still kept advisors, Anubis and I, and others to help him lead. He then began creating an army to increase his power and quell any rebellions. Eventually, he began invading other countries and over time, he gained control of North and Central America.

A rebel group began to emerge in the Andes Mountains, headed by a man who called himself Antartó̱n. The rebels, self-proclaimed Propýrgio, had begun recruiting mercenaries and consulting with the countries that opposed us; who eventually, united under Antartó̱n, merged into one: Celerius.

It seems as though Ragnorak’s plan may not go as smoothly as we had expected.

Hello superminer, I enjoyed your prologue as well and am interested in seeing more from you. I would say the only thing that really bugged me was the first paragraph:

"When we were kids, we were told that anything was possible. Of course, we didn't believe it. We also joked about world domination, thinking we were being funny. Of course, we didn't actually think it was possible."

The problem for me is the repeat of "Of, course" I am not sure why but I feel like you should rephrase those two parts in the paragraph maybe something like this?:

"...Of course, we didn't believe it. We joked about world domination too, thinking we were funny because we didn't think it could happen."

Maybe? Maybe not? I feel like it would flow better if you changed it to something similar but Its up to you in the end right? I hope your story goes well and can't wait to see more so keep it coming.

Howdy, Superminer! 'tis I, Raven, here for a review on your novel! Before I begin... I would like to say that I am sorry if I appear harsh in anyway. I honestly don't mean to be, and I only want to improve your writing skills.

Now, I see that the title to this novel is "Prologue." I wonder... is that because this is a prologue, or is the story named Prologue? If the story is named Prologue I am impressed I have always wanted to see a novel named Chapter 1 or something along the sorts! If this is just a beginning to a story, then please have a look at this: To prologue or not to prologue (I'd also suggest getting a name for the novel... so the readers can follow along and know what story they are following. )

Phew, this whole thing sorta seemed like an info dump... Info dumps are not pleasing to read really, even though we get all the information at once... it's hard to remember it. Yes, it's a simple solution to starting a novel, but it also might turn some readers away. I'd suggest adding little bits of detail in every chapter, or talking about it briefly.

This seems a bit like a journal, though. Like, someone was writing about the first things they did that lead of to the destruction of the world. Or this is their will and testament before they die... Really cool!

First paragraph, these two lines:

Of course, we didn’t believe it.

Of course, we didn’t actually think

I love your opening; it just flowed so smoothly and you were consistent with that theme as it went on. Right now I'm wondering why codename Cerberus is helping Ragnorak when Ragnorak is imposing authoritarianism on the US. So the conflict is set up and now we're waiting for something to happen. I'm surprised that I'm eager to read more because that was quite the info dump. However, I didn't find it tiresome at all like I do with most info dumps. I don't know how you did it, but kudos.

The only thing I struggled with was the names. I had to read 2 or 3 times through the last couple paragraphs to remind myself who Antarton was. You presented quite a few names in here, of people, places, etc. So I got a little mixed up. But not badly. I'm eager to read more about the main character and the plot.

Oh, one more thing... a little grammatical error: this sentence: "...he still kept advisors, Anubis and I, and others...". It should be "Anubis and me" because "Anubis and I" isn't the subject in the sentence; "he" is the subject in that sentence.

Anyway, well done. I look forward to reading more!