If I could go back
I would right all of my wrongs,
I would show you what you mean to me,
I wouldn’t let you feel so alone,
I wouldn’t let you have those lonely nights,
I would help you feel like yourself again,
I would hold you until the pain is gone,
I wouldn’t let you hurt yourself,
I wouldn’t let you feel like everything is your fault,
I would hold you close and let the world fall away,
I would tell you of my true feelings,
If I could go back.
The space between us has grown larger,
And I've been striving to close it,
But you've turned away,
Not wanting to hurt me.
But the worst pain—
The most taxing part of all—
Is not being able to turn to you in this time of sadness.
But maybe— just maybe,
I wouldn’t need to go back.
I could simply do those things now,
Even after all we’ve been through.
We could make amends,
Maybe even go back to the way it was,
Before the pain, before the sadness, before the scars.
Maybe, we could be together again.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This is really good. I guess everyone feels that way from time to time. Its just Luke the what if.... or if i would have.... But maybe somethings happen for a reason. I have this one friend that i grew up with, that i wish i can see or talk to. I also sometimes wish that things worked out different. Keep up the good work.
Hey Superminder, Catcha01 here.
Very nice poem you have here.
Like NoonBlueApple said your poem is repetitive. Now repetitiveness is not always a bad thing, but inconsistency can be.
For example you have:
"If I could go back.
But maybe— just maybe,
I wouldn’t need to go back."
and reading it, I was like whoa, complete shocker. There was no true transition. We went from what you would do to fix it, to "maybe that doesn't need to happen" There should be some prep for that.
You also repeated yourself in lines 3 and 11. If your plan was to emphasis that fact, it should have closed the poem rather than show up again in the middle. It threw me off.
The poem also does have a tendency to drag on, like previously said. A lot of the "I woulds" and "I wouldn't"s could easily be consolidated. Remember quality verses quality. You don't want to write a hard to read poem buy accident.
Anyway it was a sweet poem. Helped me understand a love like that(since I have a non-exsitent love-life). It was a good read.
Keep Writing!
~Catcha01
This is a good poem and I believe it gets to the heart of the topic. However about half to 3/4 of the way through, it kind of felt like the poem dragged a bit. I do not think it was too long but it seemed repetitive. I think it would help the flow to either make it rhyme or separate it into stanzas. My favorite part was the end. I think it wrapped up the poem nicely and left me satisfied. Nice work and I hope you will come back to it