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Young Writers Society



Hey, You

by Superfreakazoid


Hey, you, kiss the clouds,
Breathe in the sun,
Scream out loud,
Dance in the rain,
Smell the dirt,
Feel your breath,
‘Neath your shirt.

Hey, you, touch the skies,
Smell the flowers,
See through my eyes,
Splash in water,
Be the breeze,
Sing the wind,
Through the trees.

Hey, you, whisper night,
Sprinkle stars,
Laugh with delight,
Glow with music,
Tickle the hills,
Show the world,
What you feel.


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Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 21

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Wed Mar 09, 2005 1:15 am
Superfreakazoid says...



'S'pose that's what I get for writing 60-second poems. Thanks for all the feedback, though.




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1259 Reviews


Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

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Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:57 pm
Firestarter says...



Heh, I was amused for a second.

It isn't really poetry though.




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665 Reviews


Points: 6165
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Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:56 pm
Chevy says...



Aside from the fact that it sounded like something in a 1970s picture book....
I don't know what else there is to say. Other than, I hate old picture books.




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323 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 323

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Mon Mar 07, 2005 1:18 am
hekategirl wrote a review...



I LOVE this!!! but the ryhming seemed VERY forced, like when you did this:

Smell the dirt,
Feel your breath,
‘Neath your shirt.


Hey, you, touch the skies,
Smell the flowers,
See through my eyes,


And when you did 'See through my eyes' it threw the flow. But I really like it!!!





'Hush, hush!' I whispered; 'people can have many cousins and of all sorts, Miss Cathy, without being any the worse for it; only they needn't keep their company, if they be disagreeable and bad.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights