Hey, You

by Superfreakazoid
  • March 6, 2005
  • Poetry
  • Other

Hey, you, kiss the clouds,
Breathe in the sun,
Scream out loud,
Dance in the rain,
Smell the dirt,
Feel your breath,
‘Neath your shirt.

Hey, you, touch the skies,
Smell the flowers,
See through my eyes,
Splash in water,
Be the breeze,
Sing the wind,
Through the trees.

Hey, you, whisper night,
Sprinkle stars,
Laugh with delight,
Glow with music,
Tickle the hills,
Show the world,
What you feel.

Comments & reviews · 5
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Superfreakazoid
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Superfreakazoid commented · Wed Mar 09, 2005 1:15 am

'S'pose that's what I get for writing 60-second poems. Thanks for all the feedback, though.

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Firestarter
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Firestarter commented · Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:57 pm

Heh, I was amused for a second.

It isn't really poetry though.

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Chevy
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Chevy commented · Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:56 pm

Aside from the fact that it sounded like something in a 1970s picture book....
I don't know what else there is to say. Other than, I hate old picture books.

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hekategirl
Review
hekategirl wrote a review · Mon Mar 07, 2005 1:18 am

I LOVE this!!! but the ryhming seemed VERY forced, like when you did this:

Smell the dirt,
Feel your breath,
‘Neath your shirt.


Hey, you, touch the skies,
Smell the flowers,
See through my eyes,


And when you did 'See through my eyes' it threw the flow. But I really like it!!!



Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
— Willie Nelson