Oh, shoestring!What dowithout you?Oh, shoestring!Dangling,tangling.Oh, shoestring!
Heyy.Okay, this was not so amazing, but if you look at it as children's poetry, it was pretty good. Your rhyme scheme wasn't so brilliant though. Title, not catchy, well maybe I understand it is a different genre, so it might suit up to you. I think it should be "what to do, without you?" because "what do" didn't really seem appropriate.Overall it was a good try. I'd like to see more of what you can do. Review more and earn points and publish something. You have potential, maybe. Keep writing and keep smiling
Hello, SuperJacobBice96! Welcome to the Young Writers Society! I hope you have fun. This was a really cute piece. I can definitely imagine little kids singing it to a tune and performing actions. I'm wondering about your inspiration for this piece, did you look down at your shoe-lace and realise how much trouble you'd have without it? They are actually things which we all take for granted.My only suggestion is about this part: What do, without you?It doesn't quite make sense. I suggest expanding on the first line to make it What would I do. That way it makes sense and has a good rhythm. Apart from that, it's all good!
This is pretty good, though you might want to consider making it longer. I know not all poetry is long, but this was pretty short. Though, I do suppose it's all about quality, not quantity. Quality wise, it was good. You described shoestrings pretty well. Another thing I liked is how you picked a subject that not many people take into consideration. After all, I'm sure not many people wake up in the morning and start thinking about their shoestrings. I think I might have picked up a mistake, unless you planned it this way. You said, 'what do, Without you?" I think it might sound better if you did 'What to do, Without you?" Overall, you did really well. Keep up the good work!
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