Heyy.
Okay, this was not so amazing, but if you look at it as children's poetry, it was pretty good. Your rhyme scheme wasn't so brilliant though. Title, not catchy, well maybe I understand it is a different genre, so it might suit up to you.
I think it should be "what to do, without you?" because "what do" didn't really seem appropriate.
Overall it was a good try. I'd like to see more of what you can do. Review more and earn points and publish something. You have potential, maybe.
Keep writing and keep smiling
Points: 4091
Reviews: 118
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