The Feeling of Meh

Hm, I said I would make a review in return but this rather challenging, poems, as I ever thought were best said, for that way you can hear the feeling rather then stumble through in a blind quest for it. As it is, the title says what I can see, "meh", it seems to just run on like an observational piece no push for rhythm or rhyme, just simple existence. If that was your goal then you made an exemplary work. I am not sure what to say until I hear it out loud.

"meh"

PeanutPhoebe, here to review!! This is a cool idea. I like the beat, it goes pretty well in most places. Some of the rhyming isn't great, it could be improved. I also think you should break it up into stanzas so that it's an easier read. I know that feeling pretty well, and it is sooo hard to get rid of it. Great work, i think this has great potential, but could be improved. Keep writing!!
PeanutPhoebe

A nice poem, certainly a nice idea that you could expand and improve on. But to be honest I'm not particularly good at reviewing but I will try my best. Like a previous review mentioned, there is something lacking in the general flow and rhythm. I've noticed you have used rhyme, it works fairly well, although really isn't necessary for a poem about a bland feeling and I like the sort of jumps between internal thoughts and conversation with your mother.

You repeat a fair amount of words "why, why", I' m not sure if this intentional or not but it does add to the monotonous feel.This is just my opinion but I feel like you could express the feeling of 'meh' a little better, I just don't completely feel the 'meh'.

I do like the little rhyme at the end, very Shakespearean sonnet.

Pretty much how I feel right now. Very relatable.

Knight Dragon, here to review!

All right, technical first.
"Just give me that can,

The one with the fizz."
I felt like these should have been one line, "Just give me the can of fizz."
And then it seems like you contradict yourself (unless you're being technical) when you say, "It’s nothing you can break with food." And you should combine the next four lines into two if you're going for the rhyme. It flows better that way, too.

Hope this helps!

I can see that your main character is you in the story. It looks some kind of estranged to the patterned poetry fractures but I guess this is how you clothe yourself as :>

This is something I've never seen before, but I like it! It was simple, but with a different idea. Your formatting is excellent! There's really nothing I can critique about this because it seems to be your own unique idea. Thanks for sharing!

I agree with the point about rhythm. I also want to point out the you should press shift-enter to drop down one line instead of two. If you are going to variate the rhythm so much, you need different stanzas. And then you mention your mum and some can with fizz, and it's very confusing and weird.

Hey! ajruby12 here for a quick review..
Alright, first thing I noticed is that the rhythm goes way off in several places. And I realize that you don't have to keep the same rhythm (I often don't) but it just seems like a big jump, then slides down into normal rhythm again. But I like this poem and I think with just a couple changes, it could be great!

-Lady Ariana, The Silver Knight