Published May 7, 2008
Preface: My Sanctuary
Sometimes, at night when I lie in bed, the world of sleep and the world of dreams let down their bridge.
My soul parts my body and waltzes to the halfway mark of that bridge where I hear hums like the sounds of harp strings. The place is nameless. Naming that place where the aroma of strawberry crêpes asphyxiates the air is like trying to count the stars. My mind walks alongside the sidewalks of that place and I see obscure memories pass by: Alex, Kate, a jar with scraps of paper, Tina, Leo, a basketball... There are so many perfect names and things that slink by and I fall, lost in a lapse of time. A warm sensation radiates from my skin and my mind starts slipping. But almost always, just before I pass this sliver between the parallel worlds, my closed eyes find the faltering haze of two figures I cannot recognize. Silhouettes.
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139,268 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay...well before I get into the actual content here I have to start out by saying that as far as a preface is concerned this one feels a bit incomplete here. And since you haven't really mentioned anywhere that this is a part one or an unfinished piece that is a bit of a concern because if this is meant to be a final form it wouldn't really work out as well as it could.
Besides that issue though there is a very intriguing situation that you manage to create here. I am loving the general sort of vibe you appear to be shooting for here and it does sort of get you interested enough to want to know what this all could be about and what all of these more mysterious sounding parts could possibly be hinting at. Those names are certainly a nice touch and I'd say that combining with the description really comes together very well to create a very solid start to proceedings here although like I mentioned earlier this doesn't have much of an ending to it.
Overall though, even the bit we do have here does make me want to read and find out more.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Very good! I loved it! The only problem is that it didn't really make sense. But if that was your goal, then it may turn the reader off rather than get them intrigued. My advice? Do a deeper foreshadow and you'll be good.
Um, so I don't know if that was supposed to make sense. But it really didn't in my mind. It's kinda short too. You can't have something that short. I hate that all of this sounds so mean and everything.
You don't want to use such uncommon words in the beginning of a story either. But please keep going and inform me when you put more up so I can read it. Maybe the meds are just making me not think right. But this seems a little, odd.
Keep going please.
TNC
I just saw your sonnet, so when another of your peices popped up, I had to read it. You really have a gift for language. I'm jealous. I'm not sure where you're going with this, but I can't wait to find out.