**Hi, guys. Summer--Solstice here and this is the preface to my novella, I guess. Not really looking to ever publish this but I'm in need of constructive ctiticism because I have to use this story in a school application this year! (is so not nervous >>) I'll be posting the next chapters soon and poetry I have to write, also for the application. Be brutal! I need to learn!**
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"When the world says give up, hope whispers… Try one more time."
~ Author Unknown
Coming into my own had always proved to be a problem with me. I mean, what did I want to do with my life? Where was I going to be in ten years from now? Ever since I’d been a little girl I didn’t know what I wanted to do, unlike the other four and five year olds who wanted to be veterinarians or astronauts. I just did not know.
This bothered me so much that I had created a barrier around myself that I would not let anyone invade. Not even my parents.
Then I met him, during the summer trip I thought would otherwise end in failure.
And he found me. He dug me up out of the ground and showed me the world, well, a very small portion of the world - but you get the point.
He saved me from myself.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well this is quite a neat little preface. This could honestly pass for a pretty solid prologue or even something of a slightly out of the norm blurb. It seems like the sort of thing that would also work really well at the start of a first chapter, so all in all I think you've managed to assemble a very solid piece here that works wonders in terms of getting a reader's attention.
Its setup quite nicely I think there from the start with how we've got a discussion of this person being sort of lost in life and in a spot of trouble in terms of figuring out what exactly they want to do in life and how they want to go about things. It creates a nice sense of what this character is going through and what happened to them as a result. This then works will with that ending to really sell what is going to be happening in this particular piece here. It works quite well as a hook to then make us all immediately want to know how this happens especially considering it does seem like it has a happy ending there.
Overall a pretty solid premise here that looks like it could lead to a pretty neat story.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey Summer!
Coming into your own?
How about instead of 'I didn't know,' 'I hadn't known?'
After 'dug me,' the 'up' isn't necessary, and 'but you get the point' is kind of a change of voice or tone. And you probably don't need the 'small portion of the world part.' The reader gets the fact that it's only a small part of the world by themselves, you can trust them to understand. Your readers are smart.
I really liked that piece, the only problems with it were the little ones. The only other thing I have a problem with is the title? It doesn't interest me that much.
Hope that helps!
--Chloe
I love it hun! Its very...me! You and I have similar writing styles my dear! You have a very unique one, as do many. But we have that one thing in common I'm not sure what but your narator is very much something I would write. Go you! Great job! And I am also 13 so another thing we have in common hahaha! Neat can't wait to read more! x
I see that its very short and it bothers me a lot to, but for some reason after I wrote that I couldn't write any more XD
I've thought about working on something to add to it, like maybe a memory she had or something. And TaylaChase, its not supposed to give a lot away about my characters, you'd know everything if it did ;D
And, I'm not eleven *lol* That was just the number of posts I had. I'm 13 =D
Hi! Welcome to YWS!
Ok, so the review:
I have to agree with Tayla. It was too short, even for a preface. I would have liked to see more.
As for the tittle, my first impression was that it was going to be something about the sixties. You know, Summer of Love 1967 ? But its probably not.
Overall, I only have one question: Youre eleven? You write amazing! I wish that 4 years back I could right half as well.
Keep writing! You have a future in this.
Hi
This is kind of short for me to be able to do a nice long review, but I'll do my best.
I would try 'didn't'
Maybe 'wouldn't'
You need to describe your characters more. Give them emotions and flesh them out a bit. We don't have much of a clue who's speaking, and nothing about him.
Also you don't really have a plot behind the story. What's the story about? You don't really go anywhere wit what you've written so far.
I hope I helped. Feel free to PM me with any questions if you like.
~Tayla