Published July 21, 2011
They said love is the best thing in the world,
they said love is the most noble cause to fight,
they said love is the only thing worth to hold,
they said it all- it didn't make it right.
We've all been told about love that is true,
we've been told about love from first sight,
since we were young, and after we grew,
we've been told it all- it didn't make it right.
How long is this lie being spread among all?
How long will it take before we'll all see?
For years now, we believe and we fall,
is love a lie? or is the only one hurt is me?
I don't believe in love, in two becoming one.
I don't believe in destiny, in the power of fate.
I thought I had it all, now everything's gone.
Is there no love? Or maybe I'm just too late?
My heart is as cold as a silent winter night,
My hate is as great as a havoc wrecking blight.
They said love is the only noble cause to fight,
so they said, I still don't know- were they right?
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Let me start off by saying that I think the idea of this poem is spectacular and the way you went about writing it makes it even better. Are you ready to hear my praises and ideas? I hope so…
I love the word noble, I believe it holds so much power and meaning behind five letters and I was very glad to read this line, rather than something along the lines of, “love is the only reason to fight” what does reason even mean anymore, it’s just overused in my opinion. So all in all, in my opinion, the world noble made that sentence for me.Worth to hold, I don’t know why, but it just sounds awkward to me. I honestly read over that line nine times, and I tried to come up with a few suggestions, but I couldn’t think of anything, so I’m sorry that I am leaving you with just my slightly negative opinion, but that’s all I have at this moment.
I think every one of these lines was amazing, and having each of them one right after another made this verse. It’s not my favorite verse, I’ll tell you that one as I continue to peg through your poem, but I think the slight imagery and the truth in every one of the lines made it great. We have all been told the stories of love overpowering war and such, we have been told of the seventeen year old boy who saw a girl at a carnival in 1943 and feel in love with her instantly and when we were young it was Pocahontas and as we matured it became the true stories from our friends and family.
I like how the first and second verse ended on the same powerful and slightly sinister note.
I like the question, is love a lie? But I was thinking maybe for the second question you might want to do something more along the lines of, "or is the hurt just for me?" I just believe "ir is the only one hurt is me" is just awkward. Even if you took out the second is, is still doesnt flow that well, in my own opinion.
This is my favorite verse, probably the most relatable piece of writing I have found in a while. I view marriage as barbaric, and I think a ring around someone’s third left hand finger is no different than locking yourself in a cage. So many people get married and tell people that they love them because they are scared that one morning they will wake up and be alone in their 30’s or 40’s or 50’s and so on. Then after they get married and time has passed they realize something very important, they settled. They took something that was nice and sweet, aka lust, and made the mistake of calling it love. They settled for something that was mediocre and not the when Harry met Sally kind of romance they really want. Now most of the people I know who have been in this situation look out of the trap that they put themselves in, and see the people who aren’t scared of being alone. I think this verse beautifully shows my opinion and I don’t think anything needs to be changed.
I think the similes, the powerful voice that rang out most in this last paragraph, the repetition and the unsteady question was the perfect way to end this piece.
All in all, through my short novel of a review I think you get that I liked your piece.
Keep writing,
~SnowBerry
This is really very good. As ther reader, I can feel the anger and the confusion behind it. Yet, at the same time it isn't specific. So I can develop my own stroy to go with it. That is always something to strive for in poetry. Leting the reader make up their own story while still understanding yours.
I enjoyed this very much and I look foward to reading you work. Please message me with any questions or comments.
Remember, always keep writing.
--Lexi
BTW;
love is real, just not always pleasent. it comes at much to high a cost. keep waiting, it'll all work out.
I liked it a lot. I see how you feel, how your hurt and mad. How your still in question and how you honestly don't know where to go or what to do. Although you didn't say these in your poem, it was there (which it's suppose to be). And I guess it depends on if the reader has been through it but, I agree with everything. It was very emotional. Very real. And down to Earth. It made sense, had good questions and points that make the reader think.
Your poem doesn't really have a..set meaning. I think that the reader gets their own meaning and what they think of it.
Honestly, I agree with it all.
Love has ruined a lot of images and thoughts. It tends to control a lot of things in people and once it was there, or what we thought was there, and then gone it seems like nothing is there anymore or worth being there.
Anyway after my long pointless review.. I liked it.
--Hayley
Great structure and rhythm. The simplicity of it gives its value, the more the words are honest the more the beauty of the work. Few mistakes nonetheless but still a great job.
Keep it up
Hey,
You're poem is personal indeed. It is touching at heart and edible to the eyes. The simplicity of the words and rhymes are what make it enjoyable to read. I liked this piece very much. There are a few mistakes though:
'we' is better.
There is no need for the second verb.
Here the sentence's structure is weak, you need to rewrite it.
They we're right, search for love again and again.
It lurks somewhere, beneath a fly's wings or just in a cloud.
In a wild wave, or even a lion's den
search for it dear friend, never have doubt
I understand the deep feeling in it. Although the repetition was drawing away from the emotion that this person had regarding the pains of love. Love is indeed worth the fight if your willing to fight and causality's happen. I loved this piece especially
"For years now, we believe and we fall,
is love a lie? or is the only one hurt is me?"
I loved the ultimate idea and feeling but again repeating in the same way different lines made my eyes skim to the next part. You could say instead "They proclaim that love blah blah" or "The believers say blah blah blah"
anyways, i loved it.
~BerlynnRae