Life Poem

Wow!, this poem drives me emotional,it shows alot of courage to share with others.
Hey im seventeen and I am going through similar situation but I see it as a normal cycle in life.
And please dont try to jump out of windows. I think your poem is too personal, try not to include the physchotic hospital and the therapist. Overall,I like your poem.

DEEP! this is an amazing poem. It takes a lot of courage to let all that out and share it with others. Well..
1- No, you don't need to be put in a psychotic hospitals care. You see the world in your way and live in your way. Just because they don't see things the same way doesn't make you the crazy one.
2- Look, you're still young, and being seen as as if you're 17 means there's an amount of maturity in you. Break away if you want, leave.. but stop your tying to jump off of the ceiling. Life might sucks, but it deserves to live.. you deserve to live. Your paintings and words can suck a lot, so let it out in the papers.
3- You seem to be an intelligent person, an'd I think you'll have a great future IF you use what you're going through to make the person you'd like to be. You're not alone, there's always someone who cares, all we need is to clear our mind and take a good look around.

DEEP! this is an amazing poem. It takes a lot of courage to let all that out and share it with others. Well..
1- No, you don't need to be put in a psychotic hospitals care. You see the world in your way and live in your way. Just because they don't see things the same way doesn't make you the crazy one.
2- Look, you're still young, and being seen as as if you're 17 means there's an amount of maturity in you. Break away if you want, leave.. but stop your tying to jump off of the ceiling. Life might sucks, but it deserves to live.. you deserve to live. Your paintings and words can suck a lot, so let it out in the papers.
3- You seem to be an intelligent person, an'd I think you'll have a great future IF you use what you're going through to make the person you'd like to be. You're not alone, there's always someone who cares, all we need is to clear our mind and take a good look around.

This is a heavy one. You are dealing with some deep issues here and I say, keep going with it! Good on you for being able to speak about it. First thing I Notice: you have a very irregular rhythm here. The lines form loose rhyming couplets, but they don't fit any particular meter. I LOVE what this does for the narrator; It implies that the narrator is struggling to communicate their ideas an that there may be a level of maturity that they are trying to reach but haven't yet achieved. This is great for the voice of the subject, because it gives them another internal struggle, something they yearn for, and adds complexity to their recollection. My main critique would be to manipulate this a little more. Like when the narrator talks about a very deep truth, is being the most honest, have the rhyme line up, have the couplet 'click'. Then, when they digress again, move away from that. I think that would help the impact of the poem be understood as well as help move the flow of the poem forward. If you could refine some of the literary threads ( your art, your faith, your parents involvement, etc. ) so that they move towards the conclusion together, it would also help I think. You have a few grammatical/typographical errors but that is easily fixed, and in some cases adds to the emotional tone of the poem. Again, manipulate these things. Work what you got! :3 You have a very honest sense of language. Cling to it! Don't doubt the power of your words. Try to find the simplest way to say what you mean. I think it would help your flow and give the poem all the UMPH it deserves. I would love to see it when you have made it exactly how you like it!

WOW.This a very emotional piece.It has a true message behind it.It had a nice flow to it.I really like the rhythm of the poem.I saw a few mistakes here and there but it can be fixed with the snap of a finger.You told the the story of a depressed girl with mental disorders.The girl escaped those problems through the art of painting.I really thought you did a stupendous job.I hope things turn for the better for you my friend.Good luck!!!

Beside a few things, i think this was good. SO the first thing i really noticed was that it doesn't flow all that well. I'm kind of confused about this. I feel like the speaker is kind of unclear about why the parents are in the wrong. And in one sentence

"I used to show off all of my art to gain praise more or less. But because my parents I hide all my drawings due to their unfair and judgmental sneakiness."

MAybe you should try to explain how they are sneaky, and also maybe try reorganizing it. para un ejemplo: "but because of my parent's unfair and judgemental sneakiness, I hide"

"When I have my attacks I don't want my parents trying to soothe me. Acting like cuddly parents all of a sudden I can't help but wonder what this is proving."- What IS it proving? I'm almost 16 and I know I'll still be sneaking in my parents bed when I'm 30

"Just because I draw a face that is sad does that picture automaticly represent me. Think deeper for instance that person is someone I want to be."

"Others might think or worry that I secretly cause myself harm. I take that as a insult that I'd do something so selfish as to cut my arms."

Those two ^ also confuses me, later in the poem it says that nobody pays attention to the speaker, so then who see's the speaker as sad? The speaker comes off (to me) offended that they are "represented" by a sad face, but then say that's who he/she wants to be.
And who is it that thinks he/she cuts? I mean the family but, that would be taken care of in therapy. Oh and i like the way you phrased the "that i secretly cause myself harm" instead of some cliche phrase

"I dont really know why I have therapy its another reminder that I am broken so lessons are taught to care for me I feel as I go there knowing I have issues trying to fix them day by day. But I feel as though I go their to let my mom know that I have a say."

A bit more con fusion there ^ it says to very different feelings of why, the 1st one makes more sense to me, the 2nd is just misfitting because what kind of "say" is the speaker having, if he/she feels reminded that they are quote on quote "broken"

Also, maybe try to make the character/speaker a bit less of a Mary Sue,

"So much is expected since I've always shown to be smart."

"But somehow looking prettier gets on my nerves"
"I used to show off all of my art to gain praise " and other stanzas that mention and indicate a good artist.

But just having those three good things isn't necissarily what makes the speaker/character looklike a Mary SUe it's that there are no listed flaws. Other than of course the insecurity and negative thought, but that is somnething EVERYONE even boys go through.

I really like how you phrased a few things. But also some of it was unclear, but overall great job!! Sorry if this came off as rude or judgemental, it is very not I'm just not that greta at sugar coating stuff or whatever.

I haven’t read many poems with long lines, which I find interesting and unique. I’m a little unsure about your use of punctuation. Sometimes you use periods at the end of sentences, sometimes you don’t. Perhaps this is a reflection of the speaker’s inner thoughts; of the speaker’s disorder

I think with just a little proofreading, this poem will be good to go! I've listed some of the technical errors (there are others).

"I hide my inner thoughts to much”
Should be “too” instead of “to.”

“cealed”
Should be “sealed”

“frogets” >> “forgets”

"I'm paranoid of of" >> Extra "of"