Withdrawn
some times i find myself secluded amongst the crowd
thoughts taking over my mind, of times I once had
of places i've been and with people i've loved
yet from each and every one, i've been removed
you can feel like there's no reason to move on
whats there to live for? its all gone
people left over are mediocre at best
i dont mean to insult, but there's nothing left
i dream of times now over, constantly living my pain daily
feeling torn, putting on a strong face and smiling bravely.
but none of it gives me solace, nothing nurtures the soul
of which now I feel empty, like i'm left with no goal.
i continue going forward, with a blind belief.
that some day i'll find my truth, some day i'll find relief.
right now i've no hope. all i've loved is lost
i hope one day to redeem it. hope its worth more than it cost.
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Canary word: Present
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Really like the image of
Its very to the point which suits this poem still, i fell like that feeling alone is a well from which you could draw another poem but for this poem it suits and its directness does not blow over the intensity of the emotion which is hard to not do.
The only suggestion i have is...
These lines are really great but as i read over it again i think if the last four words were "left without a goal" instead of "left with no goal" it might add to the already great flow, not that the way its written breaks the flow because it doesn't, its just a suggestion.
Overall great poem and great intensity, i predict many more poems on these emotions as it feels like you capture the feelings without really bleeding them dry for all is there.
Ill keep an eye out for future posts
My pleasure, thank you for your reply to my poem. I appreciate the punctuation and grammar advice. I'll fix it up now. Thanks.
thanks
Nice poem, I like the secluded metaphor. I now see that it does work very well. I also like the ending, it is very potent.