Young Writers Society

Yo!

So, jumping right in, I'm going to start with your diction and how it interacts with the flow of the piece. Most of the time, the word you choose is on point with the meaning you're trying to get across, which is obviously great for a poet. However, there's a trade-off happening in this poem between the right word and the right rhythm, and you're erring on the side of the right word - and it shows.

Parts of this were difficult to read because the flow of the lines was off-kilter or interrupted, and I can't help but feel you could re-evaluate some of your word choices or phrasing for something that's as strong but doesn't interrupt the poem. For example, the word "suffocates" in your second full stanza throws off the rhythm of the second line for me - "chokes" would be stronger, I think, preserving the meaning and the flow.

I'd suggest reading your poetry out loud to find spots where the rhythm doesn't match up with the feeling you're trying to convey, and where it's difficult to read.

As for the clarity of meaning of the piece, I found it a little difficult to digest. I know what you're trying to say, but I'm not sure if I totally understand it in the context of the poem - on the plus side, it makes me think about the piece!

I kind of feel like this poem was a little overwritten, which might be the root of the problems I spotted. It reads like you spent a lot of time and thought on some of the lines, and the words don't fit together so well from an objective standpoint, looking at it as someone who's not the poet. It's more evident in your phrasing than your word choice - some of the phrasing feels like something you would write if you were trying to emulate someone, like "except the latter suffocates" and "I have yet...since", which sounds a little awkward when you say it out loud. Re-evaluate that, maybe?

As for your use of imagery, of course, that's on point as always, as is your use of metaphor and paraphrasing of well-known sayings to help convey your meaning. I think I'll leave this review here and let you chew on it - keep writing!

This was.. wow not what I was expecting. Overall, it's an interesting concept. I'm not sure what you were going for here, but I'm assuming it has to do with loving someone and body acceptance maybe. Weight issues probably which is a very sensitive issue. It seems like your character is criticizing herself about her weight issues and is depressed about it all. I don't know what the one arm and six legs is about though. Maybe it seems like six because of so much weight and the one arm because she cut it off? Theres much mystery to this poem, but there's a reason i assume. overall you did really well with this and used italics well and spelling is all correct. Well that's all i have to say for now. Though I'd suggest adding more maybe, expanding, or atleast explaining a bit about what this is all about.

What?

Hmm, this was a very interesting read. I really loved this poem! You wrote about a relatable topic, but still managed to keep you work unique. I enjoyed how you posed questions, and that you answered them yourself. I also found your allusion to the saying "don't bite the hand that feeds you," really cool.

Just a few things to take a look at. First off, the lines "I carve D+E with a bloodied butter knife and a heart surrounding it, as the blood flows" are a little bit redundant. Just the repetition of bloodied/blood threw me off. Next, the end of your poem is a lot stronger than the beginning. The first question you pose isn't very captivating, but after that they're awesome. Maybe just take a look at your first two lines? Other than that amazing work. This poem is my favorite thing I've read on this website, thus far.

- Summer