My friends are dead

My 7th grade teacher once told me
"Alaska is only 55 miles away from Russia",
followed by screams about anarchy.
I realized that Mr. Dulle was right
once the government went into
temporary shutdown.

I started to carry around the Communist Manifesto
once word broke out and sent students into shock.
Nothing is more intimidating than fear
or the threat of the end coming.
That was always one thing
I could never understand.

At a gas station where I would throw Coke bottles
up in the sky and watch them fall,
I hear others announce
that the Gods must be crazy.
That was followed
by a seven person fight.

What was considered temporary
turned out to be twelve years,
five hundred thirty four Coke bottles
and twelve hundred fights.
By the time it went back up,
we all forgot about each other.

I still hold onto the Manifesto
in my back pocket
when I walk around the streets,
Coke bottle in hand.
I never quite understood fear,
or breaks, in that matter.

Comments

Points: 872
Reviews: 171

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Mon Aug 17, 2015 4:45 pm

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SecreteJournalist wrote a review...

Woah. This poem is so good, I'm afraid to mess with it/ disgrace it with a review. But I'll try. I hope I don't mess with it too much.

If you don't mind, I'll just go through some nitpicks and skip the commentary.

Nitpicks;

I started to carry around the Communist Manifesto
once word broke out and sent students into shock.
Nothing is more intimidating than fear
or the threat of the end coming.
That was always one thing
I could never understand.

This isn't a big nitpick, and doesn't NEED to be changed, but maybe change the 'understand' into something like 'comprehend'? Just a word choice I, personally, thought fit better.

What was considered temporary
turned out to be twelve years,
five hundred thirty four Coke bottles
and twelve hundred fights.
By the time it went back up,
we all forgot about each other.

I know I said I wasn't going to do commentary, but this stanza really stood out to me. The numbers really do help the effect because it makes it real. And the visuals here are really good.

I haven't really found anything else to nitpick. This poem is pretty much the definition of a 'perfect' poem. Bravo to that! I hope the small, minor nitpicks I spotted helps. This poem is definitely great.

Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie

Points: 1538
Reviews: 61

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Wed Aug 05, 2015 1:14 am

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Jadefox wrote a review...

Hey Strange,

I meant to write this a few days ago, but didn't have time. I only come back to it because your poem is one of my favorites I've seen on the leaderboards/site for awhile.

I mostly enjoyed the symbolism and references you used. The only part I didn't understand was the slightly obscure allusion to the movie "The Gods Must Be Crazy." With a quick Wikipedia search, that verse became a lot more clear to me. Without taking the time to understand that stanza, a major transition and component of the poem would have been lost on me. All in all, I believe that was the strongest stanza of the poem because it ties in a large portion of the ideas touched on in the poem.

I was slightly curious if you wrote this in response to our current political troubles with Russia or the Cold War specifically, if at all.

To conclude, this wasn't much of a review, but I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated this piece. Your work is well thought out and revised, along with encompassing emotions and actions featured in times of political unrest.

Please keep up the good work!

-Jade