Flashback to Health class;
two years ago in the abyss.
It taught good lessons on how to
"Properly Stare At Ceilings".
Sleep in the heat
while Breathless is playing.
The quick cuts void of color
show that there's lack of depth
no matter what is done.
There is a strong stench
of body odor and abstract jazz,
the kind of mixture that works as a
natural stomach pump.
(what's that, "puke"?)
Describe this moment?
Disappointing.
Underwhelming.
Pretentious.
Smells like salt water.
Boinkariffic?
The street lights flicker on and off
as silence grows on the horizon.
Milestones are stale and awkward
as expected,
always expected.
At least joy is still evident
in DIY punk shows;
just not growing up
or taking matters
into our own hands.
The brand of the boat
or the motion of the ocean
doesn't matter in the end,
it depends on whether or not
the ship capsizes on the sand.
This poem is really cool and I've never read anything like it. It's like a mixture between funny but thoughtful and it's quite hard to describe it, but I think it's a really great, original poem. It's funny, but it also has that essence of reality and feeling. Well done. I'm still trying to figure out what this poem means to me, but that's the beauty of it . . . it's abstract. You can relate to it in so many different ways. Keep writing!
The thing I like about this piece is how abstract it is. You use simple language and pinpointed descriptions to illustrate several coalescing ideas. Your central message isn't really clear to the reader at first, but I think that's what makes it special. It has a certain esoteric quality. I've never seen anything like it before.
Describe this moment?
Disappointing.
Underwhelming.
Pretentious.
Smells like salt water.
Boikariffic?
Hey there friend! I'm definitely not disappointed with this poem. Your poetry has a distinct and mesmerizing style to it. The first stanza is golden and humorous. The first two lines of the second could be rephrased. The second stanza is well written. The flow on this is fantastic. I read it at a faster pace. The structure of the next stanza is beautiful. The fifth has a different flow to it due to line length. The next one really resonates in (what's left of) my soul. The last stanza is for sure the strongest. Punctuation is good. Your style is one that seems out of sorts but makes a larger painting with its individual pieces, tying it into one fine work of art. If you read it over a few times you see more and more. I like the piece because it has a purpose but also fits oddly enough into every individuals mind. You done good!
120,223 Literary Works • 649,169 Reviews
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