Young Writers Society

Interesting.

As all of your poems, I like this, but something about it is lacking. I feel like it's too "their fault" for my taste. I mean, poems like this do exist and are good, but they're so sour and bitter that they often need a hint of sweetness to make it palatable.

I'm just going to dive in.

In the first stanza, it makes me wonder if the trees were planted for him, or if the trees were just planted after he died with no relation to him. Or even if the trees were actually planted at all, really, since you say that 300 were planted digitally. If you wanted to clarify that first stanza, get out of the passive voice and tell us who planted the trees. I think it would improve the poem.

After this, it seems like your grandpa has no place in the poem, which is disappointing. I feel like he could have been the thing that really brought the piece all together. He's a symbol of the past, and maybe he could serve some purpose as an undercurrent among all this narcissism.

You've got little imagery in this piece, which I feel like is not horrible, but it could benefit from a little lights, camera, action, especially as the piece closes. It's all very straightforward, and while you're good at that, I don't think it's serving the point as well as it could. You know I'm horribly flowery all the time, so don't go that far, but remember that a poem's power resides in its choice of nouns and verbs. You can add imagery without changing too much.

I feel like this review was garbage, so I really hope that you can salvage something useful out of it. My roommate found a mannequin with a broken foot in the garbage, and she spray painted it silver and dresses it up for the seasons. So I suppose something useful can come from dumpster diving. Anyway, happy YWSing, and happy review day!

Kazey here for a review!

You put a really strong message across here, and I love that. You don't try to sugarcoat it behind flowery descriptions and nonsensical metaphor, and that's great. You have a really unique style of writing that is both descriptive yet almost bare. It takes a great deal of skill to achieve that.

I loved your first stanza. It really set the tone for the entire piece, and I think the poem would feel incomplete without it. I also liked that it was written to the side of the main poem. I thought that was a really nice way of formatting it.

Your second stanza really starts to bring you point across of mainstream "disappointment." It was very nice.

I love the line;

u space n space i space q space u space e

I felt it really brought across the raw anger and disappointment the person has with society in general, and it was a very nice touch.

And your last stanza was a perfect way to end really, and was what made this one of my favourite pieces.

I don't really have anything negative to say about your poem, apart from maybe to see your grandfather's death expanded upon, to see just how much it relates to the main issue you're talking about.

Thanks!
~Kazey

@Strange,

It's been a year now, and I am still seeing you in the spotlight. *sniffs* I remember when you first joined YWS. Congratulations!

Edit:

It's been 3 years now, actually. Wow, how time flies.

Strange,
I like this! It's so clear and well-structured and the message is spot-on! Since I don't have any grievances with this piece, I'll just review what I like about it.

"u space n space i space q space u space e
(one out of several hundred similar poems)"

Now that is originality!
I also liked the title, it adds contemporary flare to the overall piece.

About the message:
Your take on this idea of what sells today, this idea of discontent, well I agree to various extents. You're a generation of complainers and being "disappointed" has become pop culture. It's become what sells, just like everything in the past.
Intriguing poem, friend!

How do you do, Strange? First and foremost, I'd like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this poem and am just dropping by with a friendly review.

Now, usually, I'd just jump into a review with concerns and opinions, but I'd like to make a few observations. I really like the fact that you've got a very gritty and direct way of writing. It's both general but descriptive and it's got a real sense of character. It's got personality. I don't usually pay too much attention to writing style but yours stands out to me.

NOW, onto the actual review, shall we?

when my grandpa died,
one hundred trees were planted
along the Pacific Crest Trail
where we once hiked.

More than three hundred
were planted digitally when they wrote
their first social commentary,
exerting their knowledge of
fantasy-based YA authors
over the "disappointments"
of our society.

Crooning heartbreak poetry
was next, now the influences
are tattooed on both sleeves.
Combining all the elements
of mainstream synth pop,
it is titled "unique"
with all the letters spaced out;
u space n space i space q space u space e
(one out of several hundred similar poems)

Everything that follows holds a strong
loneliness motif, they revolve
around the art of being misunderstood
due to their media intake;
New York Best Sellers,
BBC heartthrobs,
and Indie darlings.

New York Best Sellers,
BBC heartthrobs,
and Indie darlings.

It's one thing to be self aware
and another to sell out;
you won't ever be alone,
there's no need to be scared
of the world you're prepared for.