(This is more representative of my current style of writing; hopefully it's much better than the previous chapters. Rated 12+ for mild mushroom substance abuse, also some gore and fighting. Should it be 16+? I don't mean to offend; I don't really have a frame of reference :S)
Gideon stood still, bristling with fury, and stared at the mouth of the alley. “Don’t worry,” he growled to April. “There’s still a slim chance that we might make it.”
The moon was dim.
“Please. Even you must admit that chase was a bit tame.”
The man’s somber growl caused Gideon to whip around. April peeped her head out of her pocket.
The bounty hunter stood, steadying himself against his battered motorcycle like it was the only thing keeping him standing. He was tall, with a long black overcoat lined with tufted grey wool, and wore a hood that completely shadowed his face. He looked very, very evil. Gideon rumbled under his breath, and tensed, glaring malevolently.
“Don’t even think about taking off that mask of yours,” the man warned as he pushed himself away from the bike and limped closer. His voice was low and gravelly, with another unfamiliar accent. “It would not bode well for your future, or the mouse’s.”
“You wouldn’t dare kill us.” Gideon snarled.
“How remarkably perceptive. You’re very right.” the man said. “However, I believe maiming is certainly within my rights.” He drew a broad, serrated hunting knife from his sleeve.
April squeaked with fear, and Gideon glanced at her, then back to the bounty hunter.
“Need I go on?” the man asked, balancing the keen point of the knife on the tip of a gloved finger. “Or shall we move along?” He limped forward another step.
But he’s lame, isn’t he? Or almost. Gideon got us caught by a lame bounty hunter?
Shaking, whether it was from fear or anger, April couldn’t tell, Gideon reached into his own coat, and pulled out a knife of his own.
Before April could jump ship, before Gideon could even take another step, she heard a rustle of thick fabric, and Gideon’s blade clattered to the ground.
The bounty hunter had his knife to Gideon’s throat, and the griffin’s wrists were held together in just one of the man’s gloved hands. When he released them, they were bound with a slender chain.
Then the bounty hunter reached down and firmly pulled April out of the pocket by her scruff, and pinned her tail to the blade of the knife. Gideon staggered away. He really was short. His head only reached the bounty hunter’s shoulders.
April gasped as she felt it slice a tiny bit into her skin. “I don’t make empty threats.” the bounty hunter said quietly.
“Don’t- she’s just a kid.” Gideon said quickly. The bounty hunter grimaced, quickly tucking the blade away.
“Ah. They did not inform me of that.”
Almost gently, he put her in a small wire cage that he pulled out of nowhere. April took one of the scraps of fabric inside and held it to her tail, trembling.
A voice squawked out of nowhere, “Was that dinner? Please don’t tell me you just- I got the chessboard out and everything!” The tall man sighed. “Shut it, Emerald.”
Through the bars April watched as the bounty hunter grabbed Gideon by the arm and dragged them towards his motorcycle. “Come on. You must face your fate.”
“Unless…” the voice, boisterous and vaguely irritating, popped out again. An emerald tree boa slithered out of an interior pocket of the bounty hunter’s cloak. He sighed. “I suppose you have a point.”
“Unless what?” April whispered.
“Wait, wait, wait.” Gideon dragged his feet. “I get it. Name your price. To get my crystal back and not turn me in.”
“And there it is,” the snake said.
Crenshaw continued. “All I want is this off of me, and a way to leave this world whenever I want.”
April cocked her head. “What off of you?”
He set her cage down on the motorcycle, and slowly lifted up the cuff of his left pant leg.
Wrapped around his ankle was a solid silver band, more of a cylinder, sunken into his flesh. It was crusted with old gore and dripping with fresh blood. The skin around it was utterly raw and red-black.
“Holy skies,” Gideon hissed in revulsion. “What could you have possibly done to deserve that?”
“That’s not… relevant,” sighed the bounty hunter.
“General crimes against the world,” Emerald piped up.
“Do you agree or not?” There was a dangerous edge to the bounty hunter’s words.
“Of course,” said Gideon.
April forced her eyes away from the hunter’s bloody leg. When they shook hands, the chains on Gideon’s wrists slithered away and into the bounty hunter’s sleeve.Gideon grabbed April’s cage and gingerly lifted her out.
“Are you quite alright?” he whispered. She nodded, trying not to cry. The tears of being captured and nearly maimed had turned into tears of relief. The about-face of their circumstances was startling. Still clutching the scrap of fabric, she nestled into Gideon’s wooly pocket, resting her head on the edge so she could keep an eye on the bounty hunter.
“What’s your name?” Gideon asked as the bounty hunter pulled down his hood and got on the bike. "And what species are you?"
“Crenshaw, and none of your business. I’m afraid I don’t have a helmet, but you ought to be fine.”
He said it so nonchalantly, even though April and Gideon were both staring openmouthed at him.
The man’s face was a mess. His nose looked broken in three places, and scars and bruises from recent fights ran rampant from his hairline to his stubbled chin. The worst of these were a strange, spiky pattern gouged in his temple, and a horrifying, broad grayish gash that scored diagonally across his face. His face alone was almost as terrifying as his leg wound. The man's eyes, sharp and cold and competent, were a pale silver. He raised an eyebrow at them.
“Probably what you expected, hm? ”
But the most interesting(but not the most terrifying) part of the bounty hunter was his ears. For settled in his dark, gelled hair were two rather large, furry ears. Meanwhile, the boa had scooted herself out until her face was directly across from April’s. She shrank back.
“...Hello,” April whispered, slowly backing further into the pocket.
“Hi. You don’t look tasty anyways.” The snake hissed gleefully. “The name’s Emerald. I’m Crenshaw’s traveling buddy.”
“Companion, Emerald. Buddy is a name for the weak,” Crenshaw muttered.
“I like to play the flute. The main problem is, if I play, then I can’t sing the lyrics to the song I wrote.”
April backed up some more. “The main problem is not that you don’t have hands?”
“Nope. When he’s in a good mood, sometimes Crenshaw’ll put his fingers over the holes while I blow-”
“Shut up, Emerald,” Crenshaw shouted over the roar of the engine. “Or else.”
“Fine.” The boa flicked her tongue out. “Do you want to hear my song? You smell scared.”
“Well, you know, actually-”
“Emerald, Emerald, playing the flute!
Emerald, Emerald, playing the flute!
Away up above on the jungle tree bough, closely clinging, playing a flute!
Playing a flute!”
“That’s great.” April said weakly. “Fantastic.”
Emerald nodded, the portrait of demure modesty. “Oh, you know. I try.”
The wind screamed as they puttered into town, April’s heart hammering harder with every car they passed. Many of them were police cars, flashing glaring red and blue lights.
Crenshaw slowly navigated his way around the main streets, instead choosing to go through the winding neighborhoods. At one point they passed her house; it was alight with people bustling around with flashlights, dividing into groups. They were organizing a search party. For her.
This is surreal. That was the only thought going through her mind.
The motor stopped in front of the woods. Crenshaw hopped off, and began to limp as briskly as he could into the dark. “Don’t move. Don’t speak. Just wait for me, and don’t let a search party catch you.” he said, his somber voice muted. Then the black swallowed him up.
“Here.” Gideon said shortly, scooping April out of his pocket and setting her on the motorcycle. Then he began to pace. After the fifty-seventh time, April began to lick her paws and rub her face. It was a compulsive, mousey habit that was irritating, but it helped calm her down.
At pace one-hundred-and-twelve, Gideon began running his hands through his hair, mussing up the old-fashioned comb over, and as fog began to roll in, April took to staring into the grayish void opposite the woods, in case a search party showed up. That would probably make for an awkward conversation, although there didn’t seem to be any kind of plan just in case. Hopefully Crenshaw would-
The bounty hunter emerged running headlong from the trees and violently chucked a parcel at Gideon’s head. A horrible snarl echoed after him, with the snapping of branches.
April squeaked and ran for cover as Gideon lunged for the crystal, his fingers fumbling as he tore the cloth covering away.
The largest wyrm lumbered forth from the fog, but all eyes were on the jewel Gideon was holding in his hands.
It looked so bright it burned, a white fire inside of it casting all the colors of the spectrum and more besides. Resting in Gideon’s hands, it began to spark, shocks of iridescent lightning reflecting in April’s dazzled eyes, in Crenshaw’s mildly interested eyes, and in the wyrm’s terrified eyes. There was a whoosh, and a crack of thunder startled the sky.
Rain began to pour down like all heaven was weeping.
The griffin, glowing and so distinct despite the wet static, raised his head. His eyes glittered, and he lashed his tail. With a hoarse, victorious scream, Gideon tore into the forest, taking the wyrm with him.
April crouched, soggy and out of breath, although she wasn’t quite sure why. Climbing down from the motorcycle, she watched as Crenshaw broke into an uneven trot back into the woods. The ground shook. Faintly, she heard the sound of howls of fury.
“Hello again.” April whipped around to see Emerald, a mushroom clenched delicately in her jaws. “I brought you an umbrella.”
It was suspiciously average-looking, but the boa appeared to be quivering with excitement, and her pupils were dilated. April thought it might be good to forget about it.
“Thanks.” April hefted the stalk with her front paws and tottered around, trying to keep her balance. Meanwhile, Emerald slithered away. “Hurry up. We don’t want to miss anything.”
“Wait.” April called, waddling after her. “I don’t want to-” There was a bolt of lightning illuminating Gideon’s silhouette, bearing down on the wyrm as it writhed before him, as Crenshaw stood passively in the background. It reminded her of a classical painting she had seen.
“Really? You’ve never wanted to see a dragon and a griffin battle? No desire to whatsoever?”
Well, when she put it like that…
“Fine.” April said, after deliberating for a minute. Against her better judgment, she hopped up onto the curb and headed into the forest after the boa.
“How funny to find you here.” the mercenary said as they approached. He stood under an umbrella, at a distance from the melee that was ensuing. Gideon had the wyrm in his claws as he hung suspended in the air, beating his blinding white wings. Between the rain, the thunder, the wind, and the battle cries, April could barely hear him.
“Emerald, dear, if you don’t want to get soaked, well, more soaked, there’s room under the bumbershoot.” There was a strange sound, which was Emerald doing the boa equivalent of grinding her teeth. “I hate it when you call it that. That word…”
Crenshaw smirked. "Maybe if you'd stop sucking on mushrooms in hopes of another transcendental experience, I'd respect you more." A
“What happened?” April asked warily, peering out from under the protective gills of the mushroom. Crenshaw looked down and answered over the cacophony, “As soon as the wyrms found out that I had taken the crystal, I was gone. It appears that the more intelligent two of them hightailed it out of here, but they left their numbskull brother behind in their haste. It doesn’t appear to be going well for the wyrm-oh! Here, he’s trying to drag the griffin off his feet.”
The two massive beasts smashed down to earth, causing another quake. The uproar was horrible, as they struggled in combat, yowling and baying and groaning as the wind screamed and lightning flashed. They heard the sound of bodies smashing into trees.
“You have more guts than I thought to come all the way over here, pipsqueak,” said Crenshaw boredly.
April hissed at him, but another crash drew their attention to the battle. “Care to wager on the battle?” Emerald purred. “I think it will last at least eight minutes.”
“Gideon’s furious at him, though.” April offered. “He wants his revenge so badly.”
The long, looping figure shrieked as it was hurled into the trunk of a massive oak, and reared up on its hind legs, coiling around his attacker and dragging him closer. Crashes added to the clamoring thunder all around the pair; claws and teeth illuminated by streaks of lightning.
The wyrm slithered away from the enraged griffin in a hurry, but when Gideon latched its massive talons in its side it whipped around and sunk its teeth into the griffin’s chest, just missing the neck. Gideon let out a piercing cry.
April gasped, and the serpent oooohed.
With talons locked into each other, the beasts struggled to get the better of the other, but the wyrm slowly grew slower; its attacks became weaker.
At last, the griffin pinned him to the ground, and forced the wyrm’s jaws open, baring the soft inner flesh of its maw.
Gideon bellowed a shrieking roar that echoed for miles, and a bolt of lightning drove itself down the wyrm’s throat. It died instantly.
“Wow.” April wasn’t really sure how to take that. It was brutal, more brutal than she had expected.
The rain slowed to a drizzle. Gideon let the dead wyrm fall to the ground with a thud, and alighted gracefully in front of her.
“Woah.” April squeaked. In the heat of battle, she hadn’t been able to catch a glimpse of her friend, but here he was, as true as he ever could be, and he was incredible.
By far, he was the most gorgeous creature that she had ever seen. Crenshaw, however, didn’t seem impressed.
He looked nothing like she had ever seen before. She had a mental image of a golden-brown beast no bigger than a horse with a hooked snout and glaring eyes, but he was nothing like that.
First of all, he was more than twice Crenshaw’s height, and Crenshaw was tall. He was incredibly large and imposing, with a deep chest, powerful legs and broad shoulders. His shining feathers were an iridescent gray-cream-white, with black bands and stripes, and his sleek feline coat was dark gray with subtle patterns. His eyes were rimmed with dark blue-gray skin, as was his beak, and a thick, scalloped mane of shimmering feathers hung about his long, graceful neck like layers of crystal jewelry. He had long, straight ears, and a ring in his nostrils.
In fact, he didn’t appear to have an appearance familiar to any eagles or lions April knew about. He was his own type of beast-exotic and unique. The sleek profile of his head was sublime.
“He’s such a nerd,” hissed the boa. “Look at how skinny he is.”
Alongside his wings and down his back, Gideon had clusters of strange, bone-white spikes on his shoulders all down his spine, on his chest and on his legs. They looked like they had been carved with elaborate designs, scrimshawed into clouds and tempests and lightning bolts and feathers.
Gideon had looked frazzled and a bit shredded after the melee, but the raindrops were washing the dark blood off of his claws, and he hurriedly preened his ruffled feathers back into place. His mismatched eyes were still the same, though, and he looked happier than she had ever seen him.
“I haven’t felt this good in a long time,” Gideon said, leaning forward into a stretch. He then sat down and coiled his tail neatly around his legs.
Crenshaw coughed. “Ahem. Do you mind-”
“Not at all,” said Gideon after a glance at April. "That is, if April doesn't-"
“Just hurry up. I would like to be able to avoid the law enforcement, and they’re probably on their way right-ah.” Crenshaw looked down at her. "Sorry. You wouldn't understand, though."
Oh, wouldn't I? She huffed a sigh.
They could hear the sounds of the police in the far distance. April’s heart began to beat, faster, faster.
“Now,” Crenshaw said, a frantic tone creeping into his voice. “Do it now. Let me out of here, get me out of here, please, please.”
“Fine,” Gideon said, giving him an odd, startled look. He growled something under his breath, and the band splintered slightly, resisting. The griffin narrowed his eyes, and a stream of white lava erupted over the band. The metal crumbled, and the pieces flew off. Underneath the skin was black, mangled and deeply scarred.
“Yes,” said Crenshaw in a strangled tone. “I've been waiting a long time for this.” And then he began to change. His face lengthened, growing a snout full of canine teeth, with his lips blackened and curled in a triumphant snarl. His body grew even taller and more hulking, with a thick ruff of fur emerging from around the collar of his overcoat.
Crenshaw looked at his clawed hands, and scoffed. “The moon here is weak. Nevertheless-” he dropped to all fours, threw back his head and howled, a long, savage sound.
Gideon and April just stared at him. “Don’t you know anything about werewolves?” Crenshaw growled.
“I thought you were a puca!” said Gideon, looking scandalized. Crenshaw rolled his eyes.
“Forget about it,” he muttered, limping away towards a dark hole in the ground. “Let’s search the cavern. We may find something valuable or important they left behind,” he called to his boa.
The rain slowed to a drizzle. April peered into the fog, worried. “Aren’t the police coming?”
“Aah, they're quite a ways away. No need to worry.”
“Great.” April said immediately. “Can you change me back?”
“Absolutely! Just one moment, though-”
Crenshaw, in his human form, climbed back out of the pit. He looked disappointed. “They were thorough. Now the portal, if you don’t mind.”
Gideon nodded, rapped the ground twice with a knife-like claw, and a frame of silver rods appeared from thin air. It appeared to be nothing more than that, but as they watched, black space started to spill in around the edges, swirling and cloudy like ink in water.
Gideon twitched his tail, and the frames neatly collapsed into a convenient, eraser-sized rectangle, which floated over to Crenshaw, who put it in his pocket.
“I have a guess as to what they were doing,” Gideon said to Crenshaw, “But I don’t understand how. It’s not like they would be able to cast a curse or a shapeshifting spell. But I imagine you know more of the details.”
“I don’t know how exactly they did it, but somehow they managed to permanently change the physical forms of their test subjects. At least, I’m mostly sure they were changing…” a strange, suspicious look came over his face.
“It's all right,” Gideon said, “I don’t need to know much. I'll just go ahead and cast a permanent shapeshifting spell.” He leaned down until his great torchlight eyes were level with each April, and a flash of bright light filled the air.
Nothing happened. “Well, that’s not good,” Gideon said. "Yeah, I'll say." April said sarcastically. Her voice sounded strangled.
Crenshaw shot her an irritable glare. “You’re lucky that they didn’t turn you into a weevil, child. There was all sorts of pestilence in their luggage that they could have used.” Gideon seemed deeply disturbed. “What did they do to you?”
The werewolf rolled his eyes. "Did it ever occur to you that you might not have enough energy or resources to change her back?" he asked, in a voice so dry it could have evaporated the rainwater.
"Seriously?" April whispered, on the edge of a mental breakdown. "Please tell me he's joking." she begged to Gideon. He looked extraordinarily embarrassed.
"Sorry..." he rumbled softly. "I will fix this. Ah, do you mind if we-"
"Use my portal because you're all out of juice? Be mu guest." Crenshaw withdrew the portal, snickering, and handed it over. It expanded to the size of a brick wall. "Enjoy."
He was cut off as noises of shock and investigation carried from the edge of the woods. “Go now.”
They could hear dogs baying and yapping as they encountered the scents of all these foreign creatures.
“Wait!” cried April. “What about my parents? What about the cops?”
Gideon stopped and cocked his head, considering. “You are coming with me,” he said matter-of-factly. “We will go, revitalize my magic, change you back, and you can return.”
“I need to stay! My parents-What if you can't-”
“Your parents won’t be able to recognize you, April,” Gideon scoffed. "There's no reason to worry, we'll be back in no time."
“Well-” April said doubtfully, but Gideon had already scooped her into his claws; glittering white mist swam up all around them-
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Andrew here with the review! Sorry, it is late, my week got suddenly busy! But I am here to do the reviewing nonetheless.
This chapter was pretty good. The main thing I'd request is to slow things down. There's cool stuff here, but I feel like I can barely process it before we get to the next thing. If this is directed at children, you might not need to slow it down as much, but maybe just change some things up stylistically, if this is for older teens, then take your time to build everything up. Also, once again April seems weirdly passive and at the same time not surprised at all by any of this, I would like to see more of her internal thoughts and feelings about living in such a strange and new reality. Also on a small note, this was a pretty onge work to review, I'd advise splitting something this long into smaller chunks in the future... I get it though, I'm the guy who publishes like infinity long chapters on YWS
Into specifics
I don't give out compliments for fun, these are harsh reviews after all, and though you have room for improvement (don't we all, especially as *young* writers) there is definitly this core of strength in your writing. It caught my eye when I read the first couple of lines in your first chapter. It can be lost in the rushed aspects of the story, but here, I see it again. It's just cool, it awakens the want to sit in bed and read the entire book in one night. I congratulate you on that, and wish you the best of luck in growing this core of strength.
Cool description, and if this is a book directed at young teens, then it's all you need, but I might make the emboldened sentence a little easier to read. On the other hand, if this story is for older audiences, they might want a bit more here. That might mean more words, or it might mean finding that perfect poetic image to let us summon the image of the bounty hunter all with out own imagination.
Remind me here, did in the last chapter it mentions the bounty hunter getting maimed in the chase, if not, this limp would be something very interesting, and something that I feel should have been more pointedly highlighted. The but in this sentence slightly confused me, but to what, but like in a way where she just realized it, or but in disagreement to what he said?
Oooh, super speed, telportation?
Interesting, the bounty hunter seems to have a layer of morality about him. I definitely like that. Or maybe just a respect for the affirmationed rules.
I like the rules that seem to be referenced, that the bounty hunter is not 'allowed' to kill him, but has other things 'within his rights.' Whatever force or law is above and governing these actions adds an amount of originality and interest to them.
Looks like you forgot to separate the dialogue into different paragraphs.
ALSO I ALREADY LOVE THIS LITTLE GUY
The whimsy in this story is really interesting, and one of its strengths. I might go far as to say you might do well in abandoning the attempt to make it tough and grownup, and lean into the magical whimsy and write it more directed at children. Not meaning you would have to abandon its depth, Johnathan auxia, one of my favorite writers has books for children that are both magical and fun and some of the saddest stories I've ever read (see the sweep)
But, you can also mix whimsy into more tough and cool stories, so it is up to you.
This enemies to small allies is a fun idea, but I'd say it happens much to fast, to the point where I get no satisfaction out of it. I'd advise slowing down at this part. Maybe make this dialogue a bit more powerful and convincing, or let our main characters get captured for a bit, and have him slowly convinced as we get to know him. That second way might provide a way for us to really see him and maybe even want to help him.
Pretty cool description, I'd just say that the bold part was confusing and required me reading it a couple times to understand it.
I like this dynamic, I'd just say that the last sentence is a bit forced and childish. A little too on the nose, maybe just "Companion, Emerald. You're not a child/If I have to tell you one more time.../You may as well call us playmates
Or something to that effect.
Yes, I defiantly like this dynamic. XD. I'd just say if freeing the bounty hunter from his chain had been slowed, and this happened before, (like when the bounty hunter and the characters are still enemies) it might be even more meaningful.
Love the song, but there should be something between it and the driving to show a scene break, like three lovely little stars ***
I like the exploration of her, as a normal person, being missing, I want more of it.
I like the detail that the transformation has given her a bit of a mouses brain as well.
[/quote][/quote]
Okay okay, seems like this is cool, but I admit I don't entirely understand the situation. So they've returned to the area so bounty hunter can get the crystal? Where exactly is that? Maybe this is just because I read the last chapter a while ago, but I was a bit lost here.
The shrooms aspect of this mushroom seems kinda necessary, I might cut it.
once, again, April seems super chill with like everything, which hey is interesting but sometimes brings me out of it, she is after all, about to watch her only real ally and friend in this new reality fight for his life, after all.
Oh, emeralds a druggy, okay then if that's true. I'd advise slowing down and editing the first description of them high when they come with the shroom. Also magical floating A at the end of the quote.
Once again, her utter chillness about he friend fighting for his life seems... really disloyal. He's been super helpful to her, and now she barely seems to care.
The battle's pretty good, a bit hasty, and I would possibly like the death describes a bit more.
Double wow/woah seems kinda repetitive, especially when not acknowledged.
This description was cool, and I like this take on the classic griffin. I feel though that each line of description was a little disjointed, it would be nice to feel like they flow into each other. That is obviously something really hard to get down, but when you do, it can turn your writing from good to exquisitely beautiful. Each line slides you right into the next.
An interesting twist and I would be more curious to hear how April feels about it. Once again, I feel like Crenshaw would be more meaningful if we spent some time with him before becoming allys and thereby this twist would be even more meaningful there as well.
Once again, separate dialogue with paragraph breaks
using a brick wall as a unit of measurement seems strange since I have seen brick walls that are or sheds and brick walls on huge warehouses.
I like seeing April's panic here, but I want to see more. Also, this cliff hanger needing feels a bit clunky, I'd advise editing.
But that's just my two cents, hope it helped!
I'd just say for this chapter, it mostly just needs to be slowed down bit, remember, you have a whole book for us, you don't need to rush around.
Overall, your story continues to be magical and fun, and I'm excited to see where it goes!
Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew
Geez, man, why do you have to be so good at this? Have you ever considered being an editor as a career choice?
While I'd love to blame all of the clunky writing on the past sentences I've written and eventually edited around, obviously I have a definite problem with making things speed along too fast. Which is silly, because I kind of want this story to be as long as I can without it being tedious. I guess I have a fear of boring people. Also I obviously have a huge problem in expressing my character's emotions in general. Thank you so much, I don't know what I would do without these reviews!
Hope you're having a nice day
-Stormy
Hi!! Salis here with a review!
I'm not sure I'll even be able to put into words how great this chapter was. People (especially me) need more stories like this.
First off, the descriptions of the characters. Each of them was more than masterfully done, very detailed and gave a very vivid idea of what they looked like. I don't favor overly detailed descriptions when it comes to humans, but whenever a supernatural creature is involved, I think it's a must, especially when they have such a terrific design. Gideon's griffin form really blew me away. It actually makes me wonder about the things Crenshaw and Emerald have seen for them to not at all be impressed by the protagonist's newly revealed form.
Speaking of Crenshaw, he is an amazing character, in both his human and werewolf form. The fact that he had a lame leg did not make him less intimidating in any way, but rather it made him even creepier, appearing as something twisted out of order. Also, the idea of a werewolf – a creature typically associated with speed – with a lame leg is ingenious. I didn't expect he would ally himself with Gideon after attempting to capture him and April, but was most pleased by this turn of events. The two warrior-mascot duos make a great team together because of the contrast between them both appearance- and behavior-wise and I'm looking forward to see how things are going to go for them from here on.
The highlight of this chapter for me was definitely the battle between Gideon and the wyrm, though. I have not seen a spectacle put in words like this in quite a while. The very concept of the clash was glorious enough – a dragon facing a griffin in a forest during a thunderstorm, all of this being observed by a werewolf in human form, a boa and a mouse. The comparison of this event to a classical painting in April's mind was very fitting. I think a number of masterpiece pantings can be inspired by this extraordinary clash.
I also like how just when Gideon looked like he had won, the wyrm retaliated and wounded him, making their fight more dynamic and causing the reader to feel worry for the protagonist. A victory won without any hardship is no victory at all and the griffin certainly earned his. The way he finished their fight by sending a lightning bolt inside his opponent's throat was glory incarnate, making a perfect display of his might and fury simultaneously.
Last, but not least, having such mythological creatures placed in a modern environment is a great idea that I wholeheartedly welcome. I would like to see more cases of characters of this type interacting with city environments and the like, because I think there's an underlying contrast in such an interaction that makes the narrative all the more captivating.
Thank you so much for this chapter and please, keep on writing! There is limitless potential in a story such as this and I would love to see it fulfilled.
Thank you so much! I'm glad that you liked this chapter; it made my day to read your review.