Hi, @Stormblessed242. I'm here for a short review.
I love the story you wrote here! I really enjoy reading this and I think it was a beautiful piece of an intro. I really got me hooked. Although reading this story made me kind of think if this prologue more like then an intro, but it could be used in both ways so I don't think that matter that much. Anyways, let's start this!
You've seen battles. Whether it be in real life or in fiction and entertainment, you've seen battles. But what do you actually see when you watch a battle? No doubt you see the heroic deaths, the sacrifices of a comrade for his brother, the victories as one man is enough to turn the tide, or a soldier with perfect timing comes to save the day. But what else is there, hidden among the chaos? Do you see the women and children, cut down as the enemy mercilessly rides through? Do you see the blood that flows through the streets, proclaiming the cost of war? Do you see the wounded soldier, dying slowly, abandoned in the retreat? Or that moment of silence, as a comrade watches his closest friend be cut down by an enemy blade simply because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time? Do your eyes catch the momentary fear on a soldiers face right as they realize they are about to die? Do you see the man huddled in a corner, eyes vacant for fear of what he's seen? That man is not a coward, nor is he weak. Life simply cannot prepare you for what you will see as you fight for your life in the midst of a thousand others also fighting for their lives.
Do your eyes catch the momentary fear on a soldiers face right as they realize they are about to die?
You should use a comma and quotation mark here, it's really a good intro but I thought maybe you still need someone to criticisms and suggest a few things.
[quote]
Do your eyes catch the monetary fear on a soldier's face, right as they realize they are about to die?[/qoute]
[quote]
This story is about one such battle. The kingdom of Namor has stood strong during the years of ominous silence from their enemy, the Gorlacs. The Gorlacs are monstrous creatures, a mix between man and beast. Long, matted hair covers their head, and their long arms carry fearsome weapons of doom. Now these horrors approach the Namorian fortress of Cal-din. Cal-din is built into the side of a cliff, with three stepped layers, each heavily fortified. The Namorian soldiers stand on the walls and in the courtyard, anxiously waiting for the storm to break. Their dark blue armour shines in the morning sun, and their banner flies overhead, the golden eagle soaring on a blue background. They face the hardest battle in the history of Namor. Many will die. A high price will be paid for victory. But these men are all that stand between the Gorlacs and the fate of the world. [/qoute]
I think you've really created an interesting enemy and I'm very excited to read the next story. I love this battle that is ranging on and on and on. This story was very dramatic and excited in both ways. I never stop to bring the reader down with a sign thinking how it was suddenly fun and suddenly turn into dull meaningless words. I love how you keep the tension going it's a beautiful sight.
Overall, this is really a beautiful intro and I'd love to read more of this story. Again, I love this tension you've built here, it's amazing!
Thank you for writing this!
You made my day!
Keep on writing!
Best wishes,
Chris

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