Greetings, Storm! I've popped over to review your story!
I'll tell you straight off that this story seems to have a lot of potential. I can see you have quite a few cool ideas, and I'd love to see more. So yeah, overall the story was pretty good. I am going to point out whatever I think can be changed or modified. Please don't be offended; I just want to help you out!
others obviously had mental problems.
I think you ought to elaborate here. The description was barely sufficient, so spend a little more time on that.
"Sir, do you need help?"
Yongho shook his head " No, I'm looking for a man named Truett, do you know where he is?"
Quick nitpick here; he said he didn't want her help, and then proceeded to ask her something. So the "no" was completely out of place. he should have just asked the question right away.
The whole thing with Yongho and Truett felt very rushed. Informants are extremely particular about what they say, so it seems unrealistic that he would point out to Wolf just like that. Or is he friends with Yongho? That's what it seems like.
I found the part where Yongho examines Wolf very realistic. It was described nicely and with the right feelings behind it. This was the highlight of the story.
He stood up and waved over the woman he had beven talking too before.
I'm assuming you meant "been" and this was a typo.
because if this guy wasn't friendly, its wouldn't be a very nice home.
Again, I think there was a typo here and you meant "it".
Once that was done, he gently guided Wolf out the door, and towards the alley he and Yuki lived. On the way, Yongho called Yuki to let her know what was going on.
A few days later, Wolf had not yet come out of his stupor. Yongho and Yuki had almost given up, and were trying to figure out what to do with him. But that evening, while Yuki was out on patrol, and Yongho was cooking dinner, suddenly, Wolf jumped up, blasted out and pointing at Yongho.
I didn't like this whole bit. I think you should say "to" the alley, because otherwise it sounds as though the alley is right next to the shelter.
You misspelled "blaster" as "blasted". And I thought he had a wound from one?
To continue that train of thought, if he had been with Yongho and Yuki for so many days, how come they didn't take his weapon away when he may be a madman? That was very unrealistic. And again, it was super rushed. One moment, Yongho was calling Yuki, and the next its several days after they brought Wolf out of the shelter and he's awake. You need to slow down, write something else in between about their house and maybe one or two small incidents, and then bring up this episode.
Didn't they feed him? You said he hadn't eaten for days. Surely that can't be true.
How is Yongho cooking in an alley?
It all seems very secretive, so why do they live in an alley in the first place? It would make more sense if they went to a warehouse or something of the sort.
But the whole story wouldn't come out until a few days later, when the nightmares and flashbacks began, and only Yongho was there to comfort him.
Not a very strong ending. You need to show their relationship. Yongho and Wolf re strangers, it seems a bit too much for the progression of the story that Wolf would tell Yongho everything not because he was forced to but because only Yongho was there to comfort him.
Like I said, overall the story is nice, but there are a lot of loopholes you need to double check. I hope you continue writing, this seems interesting.
If you were offended or hurt because my review was too critical, I apologise. Just trying to help you out.
Good luck!
- Lee
Points: 18564
Reviews: 278
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