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E - Everyone

Sherwood Gang

by Stormblessed242


Yongho walked into the building to meet his contact. When he got to the main room, he stood a moment, looking around. He was at the Temporary Shelter for the Needy in Quanako City. There were people sitting all around the room, with blankets and cups of coffee in their hands. Some were just people fallen on hard times, others obviously had mental problems. He wasn't sure why Truett wanted to meet here, but he'd find out soon. 

A lady approached him. She was wearing a tank top with the words "Quanako Shelter" printed on the front.

"Sir, do you need help?"

Yongho shook his head " No, I'm looking for a man named Truett, do you know where he is?"

The lady turned and considered the room. "Yes, he's the man in the blue blanket in the corner." She turned back to him. "Are you family or something?"

"No, just a friend."

She nodded and headed to assist another man nearby.

Yongho walked over to Truett. As he approached the man looked up. "Are you Bry?"

Yongho nodded. He had given Truett a false name, and he suspected that the man was using one as well. You never knew what could be traced back to you.

Truett looked him up and down. "What can I do for you today?"

"I need information on when the next Ancient Moon raid is." Yongho responded.

Truett nodded. "Good choice. I just heard an interesting tidbit the other day...."

As Truett talked, Yongho turned on the recorder on his comm to make sure he didn't miss anything. Once Truett was done, Yongho thanked him and gave him some information in return, along with some cash in payment. It was just how an informant worked. After that, Yongho asked him. "Why do you hang out in a place like this? With the money you make off of information, you could be living in luxury."

Truett cocked his head. "Why my dear man, do you realize how much talk I hear in this place? These people never stop talking. They've been through so much, and they offload on anyone they can!" He smiled. "With one exception. That young man over there." He pointed. Yongho followed his finger to a youth about twenty years old, with messy light brown hair. He was dressed in a well fitting leather jacket, with matching boots. A well cared-for blaster hung at his side, and he had a faint scar running down his cheek. But what really drew Yongho's attention was the man's blank-eyed stare, and the fact that his leg was bandaged heavily.

"He hasn't said a word since he came in here." Truett continued, " he limped in here, with his leg bloody and broken from a blaster wound. I'm guessing that means he hasn't always been like that."

Yongho considered the young man. He looked strong, and as if he had seen a lot of action. "I think I'm going to try to talk to him." He said. "I'm curious now. This doesn't count as official information?" He asked with a smile.

Truett laughed. "No, no. Just making sure someone takes care of him." He said. "Good luck. Pleasure doing business with you."

Yongho walked over to the young man, and kneeled down in front of him. "Hey, man, can you hear me?"

There was no reaction, save for a slight twitch of the cheek. Yongho noticed that the shoulder of the young man's jacket had slipped down somewhat and something, like a tattoo, was poking out. A feeling of dread started to grow in Yonghos stomach. He reached up and gently pulled down the man's shirt. As he did so, the young man jerked his shoulder away, as if it was a reflex, as if he didn't want Yongho to see. After a moment, Yongho tried again, and he stared at the the tattoo he found there. It was the Ancient Moon tattoo. Yongho sat back, his mind churning. Why was this guy here? Did he have a brain injury and had wandered away? Or was it something else? Even if this guy wasn't friendly, he could have information that would be valuable to him and Yuki. He stood up and waved over the woman he had beven talking too before.

"Do you know anything about this man?"He asked

"Not really, " she responded " he just walked in here a few days ago. He hasn't spoken, barely eaten, and is virtually catatonic. We've been calling him Wolf, just to have something to refer to. The doctor that visits this place once in a while said there's nothing he can do for him. So we've been contacting various care homes to see if they could take him, but no luck so far. Why do you want to know?"

"I may have a place for him to go." He felt guilty telling her this, because if this guy wasn't friendly, its wouldn't be a very nice home. But this chance, either way, was too good to pass up.

She nodded. "That's great. Just one thing though, in cases like this, we need the address of the place he's going. Just so we can check in later on."

Yongho nodded. "Very well." He gave her Neeras' address, since he technically didn't have one himself, and he could tell Neera later.

Once that was done, he gently guided Wolf out the door, and towards the alley he and Yuki lived. On the way, Yongho called Yuki to let her know what was going on.

A few days later, Wolf had not yet come out of his stupor. Yongho and Yuki had almost given up, and were trying to figure out what to do with him. But that evening, while Yuki was out on patrol, and Yongho was cooking dinner, suddenly, Wolf jumped up, blasted out and pointing at Yongho.

"What's going on?" Wolf said, with a bit of fear in his voice "The last thing I remember is-" he cut off, and then his eyes hardened. " Why am I here?"

Yongho slowly got to his feet, the young man's blaster following him the whole way. Yongho had to hand it to him. Even though he had barely eaten anything for several days, and was obviously in a lot of pain, his hand didn't shake at all.

"It's ok, I'm not going to hurt you." Yongho said cautiously. "I found you in a homeless shelter, all blank-eyed and unresponsive. I saw your...tattoo."

The young man flinched.

"But," Yongho continued "I don't plan to do anything about it until I've heard your story. How about we start with that?"

Wolf relaxed slightly, but didn't let his guard down. "Why should I tell you?"

"You don't need to. But I need to know whose side you're on. Because if you're with the Ancient Moon, I can't let you go."

Wolf let out a sigh, but out of relief or regret, Yongho could not tell. Whatever had been holding him upright seemed to be fading.

"Well, my name is Konan, to start." He said quietly "But I don't think you want to know the rest. I could put you in danger. And I'm still not convinced you're on my side."

At that moment Yuki walked back into the alleyway, sniper gun up and pointing at Konan.

"What's the problem here?" She asked coolly.

Suddenly Konan swayed, looking faint, and nearly toppled over before Yongho caught him and eased him down to the ground.

"You haven't eaten in days," he said gently, let's get some food in you, and then we can figure this out."

But the whole story wouldn't come out until a few days later, when the nightmares and flashbacks began, and only Yongho was there to comfort him.


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Tue Jun 16, 2020 11:28 am
LittleLee wrote a review...



Greetings, Storm! I've popped over to review your story!

I'll tell you straight off that this story seems to have a lot of potential. I can see you have quite a few cool ideas, and I'd love to see more. So yeah, overall the story was pretty good. I am going to point out whatever I think can be changed or modified. Please don't be offended; I just want to help you out!

others obviously had mental problems.

I think you ought to elaborate here. The description was barely sufficient, so spend a little more time on that.

"Sir, do you need help?"

Yongho shook his head " No, I'm looking for a man named Truett, do you know where he is?"

Quick nitpick here; he said he didn't want her help, and then proceeded to ask her something. So the "no" was completely out of place. he should have just asked the question right away.

The whole thing with Yongho and Truett felt very rushed. Informants are extremely particular about what they say, so it seems unrealistic that he would point out to Wolf just like that. Or is he friends with Yongho? That's what it seems like.

I found the part where Yongho examines Wolf very realistic. It was described nicely and with the right feelings behind it. This was the highlight of the story.

He stood up and waved over the woman he had beven talking too before.

I'm assuming you meant "been" and this was a typo.

because if this guy wasn't friendly, its wouldn't be a very nice home.

Again, I think there was a typo here and you meant "it".

Once that was done, he gently guided Wolf out the door, and towards the alley he and Yuki lived. On the way, Yongho called Yuki to let her know what was going on.

A few days later, Wolf had not yet come out of his stupor. Yongho and Yuki had almost given up, and were trying to figure out what to do with him. But that evening, while Yuki was out on patrol, and Yongho was cooking dinner, suddenly, Wolf jumped up, blasted out and pointing at Yongho.


I didn't like this whole bit. I think you should say "to" the alley, because otherwise it sounds as though the alley is right next to the shelter.
You misspelled "blaster" as "blasted". And I thought he had a wound from one?
To continue that train of thought, if he had been with Yongho and Yuki for so many days, how come they didn't take his weapon away when he may be a madman? That was very unrealistic. And again, it was super rushed. One moment, Yongho was calling Yuki, and the next its several days after they brought Wolf out of the shelter and he's awake. You need to slow down, write something else in between about their house and maybe one or two small incidents, and then bring up this episode.
Didn't they feed him? You said he hadn't eaten for days. Surely that can't be true.
How is Yongho cooking in an alley?
It all seems very secretive, so why do they live in an alley in the first place? It would make more sense if they went to a warehouse or something of the sort.

But the whole story wouldn't come out until a few days later, when the nightmares and flashbacks began, and only Yongho was there to comfort him.

Not a very strong ending. You need to show their relationship. Yongho and Wolf re strangers, it seems a bit too much for the progression of the story that Wolf would tell Yongho everything not because he was forced to but because only Yongho was there to comfort him.


Like I said, overall the story is nice, but there are a lot of loopholes you need to double check. I hope you continue writing, this seems interesting.
If you were offended or hurt because my review was too critical, I apologise. Just trying to help you out.
Good luck!

- Lee






Thanks for the feedback! This probably wasn't the best story to post first, as technically, its supposed to be a flashback in a much larger story. By the time you would be reading this, you would've already been introduced to all these characters, and their living situation. That's my fault for not clarifying that.
You are definitely right about the loopholes, except one. When the woman is asking Yongho if he needs help, she means are you here for food and shelter. He says no, he doesn't need that type of help, he's looking for someone.

But any way, thank you for your feedback!





Also, Konan has PTSD. I'm not just being dramatic. Whatever happened to him in the Ancient Moon traumatized him so badly that he is mentally broken for a while. Mental trauma is not something you can control well.

Just thought I'd put that out there



LittleLee says...


Okay. Keep me updated!



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Mon Jun 15, 2020 4:28 pm
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Traves wrote a review...



Hello Stormblessed242 and welcome to YWS! Traves here for a quick review.

This is an intriguing first chapter. I believe your strength is keeping the story moving, without much tricks or complexities. I do not think I have a lot to say since the story is just getting started, maybe some nitpicks —

- There's some punctuation missing at the end of the 2nd paragraph which is a single line -- it should be " A lady approached him ,"

- I'd avoid using short forms like "comm" when it's a part of the narrative and not the speech of a character, it feels a bit off. Probably for the same reason that characters can cuss in their internal monologues and speeches but the story itself shouldn't

- One of my deeper criticisms of the work, which makes it less interesting setting or character wise, is the lack of specificity at places . For example, the line

A lady approached him
would be a bit better if we either see the mc's assumptions of who she is, or a narrator's description, as that could be used to tell what kind of a person she is and how she affects people around. Especially so since she appears later on too. Nothing too deep or extreme long descriptions are required since she is obviously not a major character atleast so far, but a single line of impression or description really helps to set the tone too.
Same but on a smaller note with "sniper gun" , since I get the feeling that weapons will be a normal part of the tale, maybe putting more details would help, or an explanation or hint at how people in their society openly carry and are ready to use dangerous weapons. This is of course a nitpick and not a major criticism, just something that caught my eye, since

-so far, none of the characters are standing out a lot except for the Wolf guy. He provided the hook for me, the conflict introducer or the "trigger" ( https://thediscerningwriter.wordpress.c ... point-arc/ ) and was interesting because he had discerning characteristics, like a general idea of how he looked and his mysterious tattoo. I'm sure this will change in the upcoming chapters as the characters are given more space to develop.

-Overall, I do like the vibe I'm getting from here because fast paced action (scifi or otherwise) is one of my old favourite genres of writing, and one that I haven't seen a lot around here (though that might be my fault for not getting in on the YWS novel scene).

Do tag me when you release the next chapter, because we could stand to have more action/sci-fi stories on here.

Keep writing and sharing !






Thanks for letting me know! This chapter is technically an excerpt from a more complete story. I wrote this first because I wanted some background to spring from, for Konan especially.




Overripe sushi, The master Is full of regret.
— Buson