In the style of Leaves of Grass: Song of myself

by StormOfTheVoid

Published November 5, 2017

E - Everyone

In poems

PreviousNext

[1]

The woods are about me… leaning in,

And although you may think that they are simply trees,

Every branch is alive within its own small universe of small shifting changes... the order of

branch and bark,

Ripples of wind and splashes of sunlight… a peace of placement.

I am content here... the standing specimens of ancient forests, long undone,

I can feel the small changes, the quiet murmur… they have their own stories,

I cannot know the words, but the meaning is true enough… the forest waits.

I sit on a log, the bark melting, molten drips dropping… splashes of dirt,

I cannot feel angry in a place like this, so many small nothings cloud my emotions,

I am finally now.

[2]

The wind rustles through the trees, a soft touch, sprinkling refreshment,

It feels out the lengths of the limbs, knows the texture and weight… the movement of growth.

As the trees and the wind pass, some army of pens rush by,

Orange streaks fall… clumped into packages, brush strokes condensed,

Fine lines cut through the air and fall… they litter the ground, crushing.

The wind carries some farther than the rest… it must find some amusement in sending themwhirling about through the air.

Their path seems random, the only trend downwards… the wind distracted, a small mossy stone

Has the wind a preference for where it wanders?

Has it any purpose other than to flicker by?

Has it always known the means of fluttering butterflies along?

Has the fanning of flames ever brought it distress?

For this forest has known flames… red rushing tides of death.

They creep from the smallest spark… following the dry and decayed… until it finds new

growth… saturated with sap and life,

But it has already consumed the dead… and life cannot phase it

It brings a terrible heat… the dormant energies of bark, soon dirt

And the sap quickly dries… the wind laughs, feeding the flames… the waves of red crash again.

Maybe the wind hates the trees… roaring hurricanes… sometimes they bring down many trees.

Maybe the wind is on its way to some other greater current,

An updraft that circles up into nothing… disperses into the night.

Maybe the wind is just the trees whispering to each other… sometimes yelling,

And the wind from their words tears down each other.

Maybe this is trying to tell us something,

But we aren’t listening.

[3]

To even question the purposes of a force is meaningless.

Both the smart and simple know it so.

Yet the desire to know pulls out our questions.

However, the wind is neither for or against anything… it simply is,

And any questions we fire at it pass through like a boat in fog… the best we ever see are theoutlines of truths.

But maybe we don’t need to know… or maybe we already know the answer.

Perhaps it is better to question what we can easily see… the wind is only observed throughshifting trees and hair in disarray.

I look around through the forest… there are many small pockets of life,

Far better to inspect them than question the ocean of the sky.

Close by there is a spiders web… glittering silk,

The spider is out of sight….the flies are safe,

But the dew has found a place to stay… hanging,

And when the frost comes, the web will catch all the snowflakes.

The web is truly a thing of wonder… a pattern often repeated,

Strung between branches, thin lines of rope.

There are many lines here, a forest of straightness and distinctness.

There is a straightness to the trees, standing up out of the curving ground.

There are lines between the trees… they grow closer….I can follow them to a distinct point.

The ground is littered with the orange brush strokes, so many lines that they form waves,

The leaves, the ones with outlines for catching the sun, have veins that branch off like their trees,

The sun itself, passing through the air… suspended particles….its rays run straight down toearth,

The edge of the clouds, cutting across the sun… they pass in front so fast, the boundary passes

the spider's trap, before a glittering home now reveals itself,

In the linear path, straight up and down it runs...and the ground curves it all the way around the

pond.

Can not any landscape be reduced to lines?

Can not those lines also be curved, as the world itself curves?

I do not know, but I see the linear in nature… geometry escapes from the pages,

And seeps out into the horizon line.

But maybe it is the reverse… the pages only record what was already there.

[4]

The tiny ant wanders by… it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere in particular, and yet its pathnever comes to an end.

The bird flies by, dipping down… the branches rush up to meet it, and its flight comes to an end.

The water sparkles far off, the sun bouncing back after falling from so high… and then a cloudpasses by, and the light show comes to an end.

The day is new, the sun high, the smells fresh and the woods alive… but winter, nighttime of theforest, comes soon, and so this all will end.

There is much to enjoy in this place… the leaves and needles fall around me,

The song of birds, oscillating and shifting as one starts and another stops… this musicinfrequently finds me.

I cannot say how long I have spend here, for time passes strangely here… and the shadowsdeceive me.

While in these woods, I have spend time pondering the hidden meanings of the wind… but it hasleft a coldness and a desire for the inside in me.

I wish that these woods would always remain the way they are… so much so at peace,

But I can feel the shifting of the colors… winter steadily approaches.

I wish that I could stay here, sit and think and feel the wind,

But I cannot ignore the cold and coming night.

I wish that the songs of the birds would always stay with me,

But they must flee the decay of this place.

I must stay and watch as the forests all around me fall asleep

And become submerged in piles of snow.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Catalyn
Review
Catalyn wrote a review Review · Nov 18, 2017

After I finished reading it I felt very peaceful-which is what I'm guessing you were trying to do. Your use of ellipses left me a bit confused. This is a poem and instead of using ellipses, you could just create a new line to indicate a break in speech flow.

'Every branch is alive within its own small universe of small shifting changes'-you use the word small twice in this line and it sounds repetitive, which may be what you want it to do, but you might also consider finding a synonym to replace one (or both) of the smalls.

'a peace of placement'-I'm not quite sure what this is supposed to mean.

'I sit on a log, the bark melting, molten drips dropping… splashes of dirt'-I love the imagery/wordplay in this line. I could read it out loud all day.

'I am finally now'-This might be meant to mean nothing, but as the final line in your stanza, you might consider changing it to something that makes a bit more sense.

'some army of pens rush by'-I think you're talking about the leaves, but you may want to find a way to clarify without ruining the lovely imagery you have in the few lines following.

'Orange streaks fall… clumped into packages, brush strokes condensed,

Fine lines cut through the air and fall… they litter the ground, crushing.'-Are you still talking about the same thing? Because it confuses the reader when you first say the 'brush strokes [are] condensed' and then say 'Fine lines'. It seems a bit contradictory.

'Their path seems random, the only trend downwards'- I can almost see the leaves spiraling down to the ground! Love the imagery.

'Has the wind a preference for where it wanders?'- this is a great line as well. It seems like the high point of this stanza as if you've just been building and building to get to it.

'and life cannot phase it'- I am left a bit confused by this line.

'sometimes they bring down many trees'-a. You've been using wind as a singular, so the 'they' should be an 'it', and b. this doesn't quite fit in right now, maybe rephrase it to fit the tone that you have in that part of the poem?

'Maybe this is trying to tell us something,

But we aren’t listening.'-Lovely thought-provoking lines to end the stanza.

'Both the smart and simple know it so'- Is that last bit meant to be 'know it to be so?' if not, consider a change as that might fit better.

'And seeps out into the horizon line'- yet another great line of imagery.

'I cannot say how long I have spend here'-possibly a typo. Try changing it to 'spent'.

'While in these woods, I have spend time' -This one should also be changed to 'spent'.

Overall, I really loved the tranquility of the poem, the way it wanders without trying to accomplish a purpose. Work on possibly rephrasing some of the lines though. There were quite a few missing spaces as well. Good job!

Thank you for your comments. The title of this includes "In the style of Leaves of Grass", and you might not be as confused by the ellipses if you read some of Leaves of grass.

User avatar
Radrook
Review
Radrook wrote a review Review · Nov 6, 2017

I like the meditative tone and I do comment you for attempting to create something memorizable and beautiful in the style of Whitman. So it was with a sense of admiration that I started to read the poem and permit its imagery to take me on some meditative journey providing deep insights.

But as I tried to let it carry me along and get me emotionally involved in the imagery, I began to come across certain things that distracted me. One was being told that all the previous questions the poet had just asked about the wind and other forces of nature had been meaningless.

Please note that readers don’t enjoy being led to believe that serious questions are being asked only to be told immediately after that the writer was just funning and wasting their time.

"To even question the purposes of a force is meaningless.

Both the smart and simple know it so."

So I would remove that statement from the poem in order to prevent the reader from feeling frustrated for being led astray.

There are also statements which blatantly contradict each other and give the same impression that the writer was just writing down ideas without really giving them much thought. Specific examples are given below.

The following is a self contradiction:

[1. I am content here... the standing specimens of ancient forests, long undone,

2. I wish that the songs of the birds would always stay with me,

But they must flee the decay of this place.]
--------------------------------------------------------------

Two pronouns “they” and “ït” don’t match.

"They creep from the smallest spark… following the dry and decayed… until it finds new
growth… saturated with sap and life,
-------------------------------------------------

This is said after dozens of verses of questioning the forces:

To even question the purposes of a force is meaningless.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


After the following question we are told that the wind laughs as it burns down forests.

Has the fanning of flames ever brought it distress?

then:

… the wind laughs, feeding the flames…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Typos that need fixing

see are theoutlines of truths.

themwhirling about through the air

theoutlines of truths.

throughshifting trees and hair in disarray.


pathnever comes to an end.


cloudpasses by, and the light show comes to an end.


theforest, comes soon, and so this all will end.


musicinfrequently finds me.


shadowsdeceive me.


hasleft a coldness and a desire for the inside in me.


I have spend


-----------------------------

Despite the above, all in all a very skillful display of vocabulary and imagery.



You are not the voice in your mind, but the one who is aware of it.
— Eckhart Tolle