The Touch chapter

Since it seemed nobody cared, I did something I hadn't in years. I prayed.

"God, what are you doing? Why have you left me to rot?" There wasn't any answer from on high. "If n-nothing else, a-at least let me have a book. Just one."

Well, nothing happened. Then a voice said, "Excuse me. Do you need help? I've got some water."

I looked up. A young man, probably around twenty, stood over me. He was dressed in faded but intact jeans and a clean black t-shirt. "I'm Keith," he said.

"Mia," I said, and sniffled. Compared to him, I felt like a beggar- my ratty shirt, uncombed hair, pants that were falling apart.

"Come on, Mia. I'll see if my school has room for you." He helped me up as if I were made of glass.

"You go to school? I dunno- when I last saw the inside of one. They have books there, right?"

*

They did. And there was food- more than I'd set eyes on in years. Keith's classmates stared as I ate everything at a gulp- Jell-O, macaroni, some kind of meat. My cat's stomach did a jig at that.

"Well, well," Keith murmured. "At least somebody appreciates Martha's cooking."

I swallowed. "Are you gonna get in trouble with your principal or what have you?"

"Dean Engstrom? I should hope not. -Hey, Kalen! Come sit with us."

I turned. A large, by which I mean gigantic, girl was headed towards us. She had tanned skin, muscles like a weight lifter, and the kindest eyes. All together, I felt I'd rather be on her good side.

"Hey, Keith. Who's that?"

"This is Mia. I sort of stumbled across her, you know?"

Kalen rumbled a laugh. "You, I know how that works. So, Mia- you're in St. Luke's School. We're pretty strong Christians- hope that doesn't offend you."

"Umm. N-no, it doesn't. Your friend k-kinda came in answer to a prayer." Just then a buzzer went off. I flinched.

"It's okay. We've got to go to class- hmm. Keith, I think she'd benefit from a nap and change of clothes. C'mon."

The three of us trooped out of the room, past students who waved or stared or ignored us. I felt like I did before a rumble- tense, ready to bolt.

We stopped in front of a gray-haired woman- Dean Engstrom. Keith told her about me while I watched her.

"I see. It'd be neglecting my duty not to help someone in need. Get to class, you two; I'll take care of her."

My heart sped up. Take care- did she want to kill me? I snarled- fangs out, hands clenched, ready for anything. Almost.

"Lord have mercy- you're the one." The dean put her hands out, palms upwards.

"The one- don't try anything! These teeth aren't just for show!"

Kalen stepped between us. "Nobody wants to hurt you, Mia. I promise."

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
Metalmauzen
Review

It's indeed interesting and short.

I'm a little amazed how you could fit in so much character, drama and other information in so little space. (that is a compliment)

I'm thinking if it would be good advice for you to try and make it more detailed. That would totally ruin the first sentence I wrote haha. On the other hand, I think it could get even better if you put in more details, especially concerning the setting of the different scenes.

I certainly want to read more of this. Good Job!

User avatar
joshuapaul
Review

This is good. I think grammatically its almost perfect, but don't take my word for it I'm not one for nitpicking.
I guess for me the only issue with it is its brevity. It is only a chapter, but still seemed very short. I really want to read on; it feels almost as though I have got part way through sentence and stopped without getting the satisfaction of knowing what the sentence was about. If that makes sense. I also must say I love the description of Mia. I wish I could provide a little more insight but I really couldn't find any flaws and it was too short to really extract any relevant criticism of the characters/plot.
Keep it up,
JP

It's interesting. This is the shortest thing I have ever read that has interested me so quickly! Very good!



I wondered why we put villains in our stories when we have plenty of them in real life; then I realized that maybe we wanted stories where the good guy wins.
— nogutsnoglory