I paced back and forth in my bedroom, half agitated and half despairing. Why did I feel all alone, all of a sudden? I thought, pausing in front of my paper-strewn desk. Why, even though I was accepted...
"Are you all right, Mi?" Kalen poked her head into the room. Startled out of my reverie, I looked around at her.
"You just seemed really tired when you got in."
"Oh, it's nothing...thanks Kal." I bit my lip. Should I tell Kal what was bothering me right now? I leaned back against my desk, shuffling a few papers out of the way. "I was just...thinking."
Kalen made a 'that's nothing new' face. "Do you wanna tell me about it?"
"Well..." I sighed. "Yes and no." She gestured towards the bed. "It's kind of personal.
You wanna sit down? It's kind of long, too."
"Heck, yes. I'm your 'mother', remember?"
"Well... that's what I want to talk about." I looked down at my nails. "I was wondering...if you knew anything about my real parents."
"I'm not exactly the best person to ask. Have you tried God?"
Now why didn't I think of that? And why, while I was freezing on the streets, didn't I ask Him? Call it survival getting in the way. I got up off the desk, and paced towards the window, a frown creasing my forehead.
Maybe Kalen smelled my resentment - one of the downsides of having a lioness for a roommate.
"Hey, don't be angry. I often try to use my own resources." She scratched her cheek almost thoughtfully.
"Maybe we could ask around that orphanage..."
I shuddered. I never, never wanted to go back to that place. "Around there..."
"Let me ask you a question. When did you first know you were part cat?"
"I... it started when I got upset one time. All of a sudden, I started purring like crazy."
Kalen looked thoughtful for a moment. "Lions can't purr, you know. I don't know why; maybe God forgot
to give them the ability."
"God, huh..." The corner of my lips lifted up in a bitter smile. "I shouldn't really doubt Him, I know, but..."
"We're only half human, you know. Actually, I think the proportion is smaller." Kalen got up to pace. "Genetics are very tricky. I think, though, that if we were more cat, we'd look like them."
"I sort of have a tail, in case you've forgotten." A cricket sang from somewhere in the dark. I felt a memory prodding on the edge of my conscious mind. Did I ever go outside and try to catch crickets?
"Hey, do you want to visit Sula? It's been a while since we last saw her."
I immediately perked up. "Really?"
"Yeah, really. Come on, get your jacket. We're off to visit Sula!"
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Cheers!
Let's get to it, shall we. At first I'd like to say this isn't half-bad, easy to read, not troublesome to enjoy and does kind of have a thought. Though, I feel like I've missed quite a lot there too.
The grammar is, as far as I'm concerned, good. This piece of work is more or less mainly dialogues as I've noticed, but they do not seem well described. You do give the movements, but how about the speech itself? There are moments where it is described, but most of the time, what is the girl's tone? Her 'mothers'? What kind of voice they have? How does it change? Is it colorful or cold? Are there any better descriptions on how they look? Shirts, blues, decoration, whatever. You just give us names and some actions, but how are we supposed to see the people you give us? I have no idea how they really look, heck I do not know what to imagine and I'm 100% sure that if I imagine something, it's not the image you had when you wrote this piece of work. Same goes for the place where everything happens. It's in a room, but what kind of room it is? Is there something unique? Is it spacious? Lots of toys? Blue? Do not stare at me, descriptions give us, readers, the proper idea what to imagine, it lets us see the world you had in your mind when you wrote it, do not just slack it and leave most of the imaginery to us. We can make that room and people look so variously you'll be surprised what the heck we see.
There is no way we readers would be any captivated or surprised by the uniqueness of your characters or your world when you leave it whole to us. For me, I just saw some stereotypical kid room and some people with cat ears and a tail from anime. Descriptions, it just really lacks descriptions. I'm sure the uniqueness you have in your mind is great, but shamefully, you do not let us see it, feel it, taste it nor smell it. Also a side note, active descriptions have a pretty good magic touch to them, you might want to try and use them some more, they work great. The ways to describe one thing are pretty much endless, use the type that suits you best, but never forget to paint in detail or the painting's worth will be null.
I like the thoughts you tried to bring us, some strange questions, but not bad at all, however, the ending didn't feel any grasping. They just left to somebody we have no idea who the heck is and what kind of importance it has.
I'll definitely be looking forward to seeing more of your writings around, an unique mind has unique worlds to offer and many would like reading about them. Best of luck and keep it up!
Kyou out~
I like this a lot!!! This made me smile and also reminds me of an old story I might think of rewriting now! Haha. Good job and I can't wait for more!!! I hope you update soon. Good luck and I hope you get many helpful reviews. I couldn't find anything really wrong with this; I think that's because I am not good at grammar haha. Anyways Keep up the good work and I can't wait to read more of this. Update soon!!! Happy Writing!!!!!
Soulkana<3