Published May 23, 2010
Deleted
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,441 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Oops...lol, sorry I didn't answer you earlier! Yes, every time you start a new story, or add a new chapter to your story, make a whole new post in the Submit Your Work section. Yep.
Hope I helped! Cya-
~KD
I have a different opinion-this was very catchy. If this were a book then i would read it. But you must eit some parts like the writers above me said. This was amazing. Keep on typing! And welcome!
Nike
Hello there, Cindy!
There is no going-towards-a-climatic-scene that can interest us or persuade us into reading the book. Maybe try to place more feelings and just not show their relationships with your MC and her bestfriend. Try to create something mysterious or an intriguing scene where we can have positive vibe to read the story.
Welcome to YWS! How are you doing so far?
Anyways, I have to agree with Kaedee. If I will be so harshly honest; your prologue's totally bland and flat. As what Kaedee said, I would too, skip the prologue and just go directly to the first chapter or even not reading the book itself.
This really totally ruins your prologue. This is quite confusing that can sometimes destroy the flow of it. Also, you used "me" twice which kind of irritates me.
You can really improve if you place more of her emotions throughout the prologue. Does her cheek flush pink whenever she sees him? Or try even portraying the boy(his physical features, attitudes,etc.), to be more of a realistic part.
Hope I helped.
Peace out!
_Yuri_
hey kaedee! thanks for the feedback hehe i know its not the greatest prologue lol ill work on it..so should i just make a new post for chapter 1? or do i just make another topic thing?
Hey Cindy, welcome to the site! This is KD here, ready to review.
Okay. This was...okay! This prologue doesn't make me want to immediately start reading chapter one of your book, as very good prologues should. If this was a book, I would probably set it aside, and think, Hm, maybe I'll read that some other time. This prologue wasn't intriguing, nor did it make it seem like the book offers me something interesting, creative, unique, or exciting.
Don't think I'm telling you that this is bad, though! It surely isn't. But if I picked up this book, and decided to read it, I would probably skip the prologue and skip straight to chapter one. This prologue is more of a drag. It doesn't really make the reader interested, it doesn't really tell the reader anything very interesting.
This definitely does have promise, though! But, as I said, I would very likely skip this prologue and go straight to chapter one if I could.
Good luck! I'm looking forward to more of your work. Hope I helped, keep on writing-
KD