2 Years

by SteppinRazor

Published September 15, 2011

Image


2 years you were special to me,
you made me feel alive,
made me feel butterflies with every stare,
you and I were the perfect pair.

2 years you were my light,
anticipating when I would see you,
anxious to be near you,
you were my star shining so bright.

2 years you broke my heart,
your words cut so deep,
slashed me so steep,
and you didn't care.
I now carry the biggest tear.

2 years and I thought it was love,
I thought you were it,
the shoe was a perfect fit.
That we'd last forever,
What a lie, what a mistake.

2 years, and I found out this was fake.

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
constantia
Comment
constantia commented Comment · Sep 17, 2011

Omg this was amazing. That's all I have left to say. Haha

AlextotheAndra wrote a review Review · Sep 16, 2011

I really loved this. i agree with the above comments about the repetition of you, but otherwise beautiful job!
the emotion was really clear and the whole piece had that slightly bitter and crushed feel of a break up, so well done in capturing that emotion. You are a wonderful poetry writter

creativityrules wrote a review Review · Sep 16, 2011

Hello there!

Nice work on this poem! I like that you kept it down to a few stanzas; it was just long enough to make your point but not long enough as to become repetitive, so great work there. I like the way that you made the beginning of each stanza the same. It held the poem together really well.

2 years you broke my heart,
your words cut so deep,
slashed me so steep,
and you didn't care.
I now carry the biggest tear.


I love the first 3 lines of this stanza. The last two are a little off to me. When I was reading them, they sort of threw me out of the rhythm I'd settled into while reading this poem. I think it's the way that they almost but not truly rhyme. It made me stop and think about if they rhymed or not, which distracted me from the poem. It's just something I noticed. If you like the way they are, you should keep them that way, because being true to yourself is always the most important thing.

Other than that, great work on this poem! :)

Keep writing!!!

williegonnawonkya wrote a review Review · Sep 16, 2011

This was very well done.
In the beginning I wasn't feeling much of the emotion. Later on though in those last few lines they hit me. So in the future try and provoke the readers heart stings and really tug on them.
No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader -- Robert Frost.

Random avatar
alliyah1234
Review
alliyah1234 wrote a review Review · Sep 15, 2011

This poem is really effective! The use of repetition has the number "2" lingering in your mind. The only one part I have something to say about:

"anticipating when I would see you,
anxious to be near you,"

Throughout the whole poem you use rhyme, but here you use two words that are exactly the same.

"anticipating when I would see you,
Not knowing what i was getting into"

I don't know, just an observation :) but other than that, this poem is passionately written and one that everyone can relate to strangely enough :D Keep writing (:



A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
— Steve Martin