Words Mean Nothing If They Are Never Said,,
And A Dreams Just A Thought If Kept In Your Head,,
An Endless Entirety Of Space And Of Time,,
This 'Savior' You Speak Of Is No God Of Mine,,
Merely Ink On A Page With No Story To Tell,,
If Heavens What You Preach We'll All Go To Hell,,
Instincts Forbidden,, No Power Nor Will,,
Rules Are Rewritten By The Blood That We Spill,,
Cautiously Carefree,, So Uniquely It Fits,,
Theres No Individual In This Godforsaken Pit,,
We Burn As We Smile,, Cos Its All For The Best,,
Convincing Ourselves We're Better Than Blessed,,
Fears Spread Like Fire,, Force Us To Believe,,
Perfected Lies. That Insist You Breathe,,
Lightening Strikes The Wounded Sky,,
Bloodred Fades As Daylight Dies,,
The Strong Act Weak And The Weak Act Strong,,
A Fight For The Spotlight As If We Belong,,
Cries For Attention Where It Isnt Deserved,,
Praise For The Fakers That Show What Their Worth,,
Money Treasured As Lifee With Nothes Paper Thin,,
Morality Worthless,, We Take Pleasure In Sin,,
Scars Earn Respect As The Masks Of Pure Rage,,
Uncontrolled Desires All Locked In a Cage,,
You're Big If You Break,, Just Pretend That You've Changed,,
Everyone Cheats In This Corrupt Perfection. Game,,
See This Book That You Carry And Pray To At Night,,
Can You Really Claim That You've Done Everything Rightt??
As Each Page You Turn,, Hypocrisy Is In Ink,,
"Have Faith In Your God And Think What I Think..."
Looking For Insanity... I'll Take You To The Brink,,
♥StephiiG'Bru♥
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,747 Reviews
Hi! Stephii412..
The idea of putting a 'hidden code' in your piece is unique. The sentences formed by those words is like the synopsis of poem. It is cute..
And regarding about Faith -- when you believe to God, you must be sincere in it. Faith in God makes a big difference..
Keep going..
ll
U
Hi! I'll be reviewing your poem today
.
Hope i was of help to you, if you want or need another review you can PM me or something.
Firstly i love the thought, creativity and emotion put behind this poem, i don't agree with some of the statements concerning religion but that put aside you've expressed yourself well throughout the poem and everything flowed well together. I think in your poem you were talking about society or how people are today, the confusion of the world.
However there are some thnings i'd like to address. I don't particularly like the double commas at the end and in between the sentences, it was distracting to reading the actual poem, consider taking one comma out. The bold italics got too much as well, try toning it down, only put them in for the emphasis you reall want to include, some were unecessary. You also have a capital letter for every single word you use, only add a capital when you start a new sentence.
The grammar in this, you need to look over, proof read your work afterwards.
"And A Dreams Just A Thought If Kept In Your Head,,"
Being a bit picky but in this line, i think you meant just "dream" instead of plural dreams or if you meant dreams you should have made the word "thought" plural as well into the sentence, like this;
"And dreams, just thoughts if kept in your head"
or "And a dream just a thought if kept in your head".
Also here; "Cries For Attention Where It Isnt Deserved,,"
"Isnt" should be isn't.
Here a typo; "Money Treasured As Lifee With Nothes Paper Thin"
No extra "e" needed at the end of life.
"See This Book That You Carry And Pray To At Night,,"
In this sentence i assume you're referring to the bible, so could you somehow link that into your sentence just for confusions' sake.
Overall it was a very good poem with depth and thought put into it, has great potential just touch up and edit some things and it shoud be fine
- Infinity x
Besides the little grammatical errors here and there, I thought this was a wonderful poem. The 'secret' message was also a nice touch.
Me being a guy trying to get into to poetry, I thought this was a nice story. That being said I'm no expert so I wouldn't really know what I'm talking about. But to a regular person, this a fine poem.
In my guess I think the poem is about what's wrong with people, or even society. How people think, what they do, etc. vs your idea of how people should act or what they should do (via your message). But even if I'm wrong it was still fun to read!
Good job and good luck with your writing!
P.S. For some reason the double commas tic me off to no end. >:(