Traffic Jam

by Stephen62

Published February 27, 2016

12+ Language

In Stories

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As the second hour slowly crept by, Nick was tired of this damn traffic jam. They hadn’t moved more than ten yards in the past thirty minutes, and there was an enormous line of cars as far as the eye could see in front of him. Of course his bus had to get stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of the interstate, on a Friday. I could be learning a new song by now! He thought, sighing in annoyance, craving to hold his guitar lying atop his bed at that very moment.

The guitar, held in it’s hard case with ripped black leather adorning it, was Nick’s entire life. Ever since he was seven he had been playing the guitar. His father had given it to him right before he passed away. Nick thought of continuing playing guitar as his father’s dying wish. Not that he would have stopped playing if his dad hadn’t died. He was completely and totally enamored with it.

For at least two hours a day, he would take the guitar out of his case and just start playing. It didn’t matter if he just played bits and pieces of songs the entire time, or if he spent the time learning song after song, not stopping until each one was completely perfect.

Not being able to play was killing him. Nick saw that there were one or two people on the bus with guitars, but he doubted they would let him play if he asked. He didn’t know who they were, and they didn’t know who he was. Also, he used a left-handed guitar, so most likely, he wouldn’t be able to play their instruments.

Sighing, Nick turned up the volume to Little Black Submarines by the Black Keys on his phone, to block out the whooping and hollering of the other students on the bus. He loved the acoustic in the song. Just as he was getting into the song though, his headphones were ripped off, just as the electric guitar came in. He spun around,his long, wavy black hair whipping around his head.

“What the f-” he began to curse, but stopped when he saw who it was. Dan, his asshole of a best friend. His emerald eyes sparkled with delight as a laugh escaped his lips.

“Watch your language young man!” he cried in a horrible imitation of an elderly teacher, wagging his finger to emphasize the imitation. “That kind of language will not be tolerated here!”

“Shut up dude.” Nick said, rolling his eyes as he snatched back his earphones. Dan just chuckled. He reached out and began pulling at the long strands of hair that had fallen into Nick’s face.

“Man get a haircut, you’re gonna look like a girl soon.”

“How ‘bout you grow some first Baldy.” he replied, motioning to Dan’s brown hair, which had just been cut into a buzzcut.

His new haircut fitted his body type now. Before, the shaggy mess that he called hair, didn’t go with his strong, athletic build.

“Oh please, this is the new style. The ladies are going to be lining up.” Nick just scoffed and shoved an earphone into his ear, making sure to leave one out so he could still hear Dan.

“Dude take out the earphones!” Dan said, exasperated. “Don’t be so antisocial. We are gonna be here for at least another hour or two, might as well make the best of it. Go talk to Rose or something, I know you like her.” Nick’s face turned a violent shade of red. He had yet to tell Dan of his crush, but obviously, he already new. “Oh c’mon, you don't know how obvious it was. You practically drooled over her today in Biology.He just rolled his eyes and averted his gaze. If Dan saw him, he would have seen Nick’s face go a deeper shade of red as he recalled the drool that had escaped his mouth without him noticing back in fourth period.

“No dude, I’m not going talk to her. I’ve only spoken like three words to her!”

“Exactly! Now’s the time to go make friends with her, then you can make your move!” Before he could deny Dan’s request, he felt strong hands grip his shoulders and start pushing him towards the back of the bus, where Rose was apparently sitting. Today had been the only day Nick hadn’t looked at Rose as she got on the bus. Wow, that makes me sound like a creep. he thought.

As Nick struggled to break from Dan’s grasp, he wondered in the back of his mind, what he would talk to Rose about, considering his escape attempts continued to be thwarted. “Alright I’ll talk to her! Let me go.” He huffed as he shrugged off Dan’s hands. He was grinning like a madman. “What do I talk to her about though?”

“Well she has a guitar next to her, so she must play guitar. Talk to her about that.”

“Okay…” He trailed off, suddenly nervous. He could feel his palms begin to sweat, and his mouth began to go dry.

When they reached the back of the bus, Nick saw Rose sitting alone, her guitar in a soft leather case by her side. Her leg was propped onto the seat in front of her, allowing her to slouch a little. She was gazing out the window, looking at the forest at the edge of the interstate. To Nick, so looked beautiful with her brown hair falling in curls around shoulders. Situated on the bridge of her nose were a pair of black, rectangular-rimmed glasses. Rose was wearing the navy blue shirts all students at Lockton High had to wear, along with a blue and white striped jacket partially zipped.

Nick once again had to stop himself from drooling. Dan saw this and snorted. He shoved Nick forwards (very hard mind you) right into the seat in front of Rose’s. The sudden movement she felt her in leg made Rose look up at him. All thoughts raced out of Nick’s head as he saw those piercing blue eyes stare into him.

“I-Uh...Hi..” He stammered awkwardly. A slight smile creeped onto her face. Nick wasn’t sure if she was smiling at his embarrassment, or if she was smiling because she thought he was cute. He hoped it was the latter.

“Um… Nice guitar case. What kind of guitar do you have?” Way to go Nick, you didn’t even ask her name, you just jumped right into it.

She didn’t seem to mind though. “Oh, umm a Rogue RA-900 Concert Cutaway.” He nodded in approval, it wasn’t a bad guitar.

“Nice. Standard whitewood or is it customized?” Rose seemed astonished that he actually knew something about guitars. Why would she not think that? It’s not like I bring my guitar to school. He thought bitterly, remembering not being allowed into Advanced Guitar 111 because all of the spots had been filled already.

“Customized. I prefer rosewood. Not because we have the same name.” She chuckled. He laughed with her. Her laugh was angelic.

“What about you?” She asked. “You can’t know so much about guitar woods without playing one or knowing someone who does. Do you play?”

“Um, yeah actually, I’ve been playing since I was seven.”

“Awesome! What guitar do you use?” She questioned, happy to be talking to a fellow guitarist.

“An Ovation 1985 Balladeer 1111.”

“What?! That is my dream guitar! I’ve been saving up for one for years! My parents got me this one for my birthday. How long have you had it?”

“Ever since I started playing. My dad gave it to me.”

“Cool! I’m guessing your dad plays too?” She replied, curious.

“Actually he died a little after he gave me the guitar. Heart attack.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know.” She replied, horrified. Her hand flew to her mouth as she sucked in a breath. She looked really cute when she did that.

“No it’s okay, I’ve moved on. What happened happened.” He said, giving his honest answer. At first, he had been a wreck. Nick and his dad were extremely close. They had done everything together. After his dad’s death, Nick didn’t leave his room for days. But after a while, he came to realize that that wasn’t what his father would have wanted. He would have wanted Nick not to give up on life just because of him. He would have wanted him to keep going and learn guitar.

“Okay… I’m still sorry though.” Rose looked nervously at him, maybe thinking he was going to burst into tears or something.

“Really, I’m fine.”

“Okay, okay.” She conceded. “Well anyway, why don’t you play something? You can use my guitar.” She said, excited to hear him play.

“Um… I’m not sure. I play left-handed.” He said awkwardly. Rose’s face brightened.

“So do I! This is perfect!” Immediately, she began to pull out her guitar.

Once again, Nick’s palms got sweaty, and his mouth went dry. What if I don’t know what to play? What if I messed up? A million thoughts like those raced through Nick’s mind as Rose pulled out her guitar and pick and handed it to him.

“Look, come sit next to me so I can see you play.” She said eagerly, motioning for him to sit down next to her. It’s like she wanted me to mess up. He thought as a drop of sweat began to form atop his forehead. He quickly wiped it away moved towards Rose.

Once he sat down, he closed his eyes and mentally went through the long list of songs he could play. After about ten seconds, Nick still hadn’t had a song in mind. He wanted to pick one that Rose would like.

“How ‘bout you pick a song? I can’t really think of anything.”

“Yeah sure.” For a second she tried to think of a song. After a few seconds, she perked up and turned towards Nick. “Do you know anything by The Black Keys?”

Nick felt like he was in heaven. “You like them too?” he asked, surprised.

“Of course! They’re my favorite band!” She cried excitedly.

“Me too! Okay, how about I play Little Black Submarines?” She instantly nodded, and motioned for him to begin.

He nodded and began to for the first chord with his right hand. He took a deep breath. He had learned this song years ago. He knew it by heart, he could do this.

As his fingers began to pluck the strings, a nice warm sound came from the instrument. At first it felt awkward for him to be using a guitar that wasn’t his own, but soon all awkwardness disappeared. Nick let the melody and tempo of the soft song rush through him. There was never a dull moment when he played a guitar. He allowed all outside thoughts that didn’t have anything to do with guitar slip through his mind. All of his energy and focus went into making sure every note, every chord was played perfectly. All sounds and movements around him faded into nothingness.

This was why once he began to play the verse he was startled when he heard a sweet, crisp voice begin to sing;

Little black submarines,

Operator please,

Put me back on the line,

Nick was so startled, he stopped playing. “Why’d you stop? Was I that bad?” Rose asked.

“Wait, that was you?” he cried in disbelief.

“Well, yeah. If it was that bad then I’ll stop-”

“No, no, no,” Nick interrupted. “It sounded great! I was just surprised is all. Keep singing, it sounded nice.” A smile spread across her face and she nodded.

Nick began the back end of the intro again. When he reached the verse, Rose jumped in again. Her voice was just as angelic as before. Usually Nick didn’t like when girls sang any Black Keys songs, because usually they just couldn’t get that raspy grit that Dan Auerbach had in his songs. But Rose, Rose was able to make her voice sound just as gritty and raspy as Dan’s, but still make it light and sweet. He had no idea how she did it, but he loved it.

About halfway through the song the electric guitar was supposed to take over, or an acoustic could start strumming, but Nick didn’t want Rose’s soft singing to be replaced with a more Rock N’ Roll voice. He wanted the angel to stay. So he continued in picking the strings with his fingers. Rose was surprised at first, but soon jumped back in with the voice she used before.

As he plucked the final chords, Nick was sad the song was ending. He wished he could just listen to Rose’s voice on repeat for hours. When the final string was picked, Nick finally came out of his trance. He became aware of the world around him, including Rose.

Her cheeks were a little flushed from the little amount of air she was able to get during them. She was also breathing a little heavier. She looked stunning.

Suddenly the entire bus was filled with applause and whistling. It startled him. He wasn’t aware that the entire bus had gone silent while Rose and him performed the song. He instantly blushed from embarrassment. Rose saw this and began to laugh and leaned against him. Nick smiled slightly and leaned into Rose. Maybe this traffic jam wasn’t as bad as he thought.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
BlackTea Review
BlackTea wrote a review Review · Mar 28, 2016

Amazingly well written!

I love all of it (Story, writing, start...) . I think the very first paragraph is good how you started it with describing his frustration. I also like his love for playing the guitar and his best friend Dan. That they coincidencetly both play left-handed and both like the Black Keys is a bit much, but that didn't bother me so much. The story was very interesting and sweet.
I did think it odd that they leaned in towards each other at the end, because they're almost-strangers, but all in all it was amazing! Never stop writing!!

User avatar
Sujana
Review
Sujana wrote a review Review · Feb 28, 2016

I guess this was cute. I wouldn't know, considering I'm not a part of the demographic this is aimed at. Don't get me wrong--I think this is good on its own, aside from a couple of awkward phrasings and a mistake here and there that I'll highlight below, but overall neither of the teens popped out of the page to me. Nick is just an average teenager and Rose is also just an average teenager, but they're so average the reader can only barely relate to their plights. Furthermore, I think the fact that Rose and Nick have so many things in common is pushing the suspension of disbelief a little too hard. Not every single soul mate is going to be the exact same person as you. Maybe this is your personal experience, but I found this extremely diabetic and sort of too hard to believe.

-"Nick was tired of this damn traffic jam" Unnecessary use of 'damn'.

-"I could be learning a new song by now! He thought, sighing in annoyance, craving to hold his guitar lying atop his bed at that very moment." Try italicizing the thought, so we can separate it from the actual story. Just a stylization opinion.

-"Nick thought of continuing playing guitar as his father’s dying wish" Continuing to play the guitar.

-"How ‘bout you grow some first Baldy." How bout you grow some first, Baldy.

-"Before, the shaggy mess that he called hair, didn’t go with his strong, athletic build." The shaggy mess that he called hair didn't go with his strong, athletic build.

-"“Oh c’mon, you don't know how obvious it was. You practically drooled over her today in Biology." Other ", where are you? No, seriously, the ending doesn't have another ".

-"To Nick, so looked beautiful with her brown hair falling in curls around shoulders." She or so? Whose so?

-You describe Rose as being angelic a couple of times. Just a suggestion, but it is getting a little repetitive.

Despite my suspension of disbelief breaking the moment you mentioned that both of them were left-handed, I can say this is a cute love story with an interesting premise. It could be executed better, but overall, its good as it is.

Signing out--EM.

Thank you for the review! This is actually my first story so I'm still getting used to character development. I will definitely try to make the characters pop more!

User avatar
leslieloo
Review
leslieloo wrote a review Review · Feb 28, 2016

Hi! Leslie Loo here to review your work for Review Day!

First off, I would like to say that this piece of work is fantastic! I loved Nick's personality and I loved Dan's obnoxiousness! You did a great job of describing the characters' appearances.

One question that I have for this story is: How old are they? Are they in high school? I could tell that they're not in middle school, though. Are they freshmen? Sophomores? Also, there were a few grammatical errors that I noticed. Here's an example, "The guitar, held in it’s hard case with ripped black leather adorning it, was Nick’s entire life." Since "it's" is possessive in this sentence, it should be "its". Another thing I would like to point out is that whenever Nick is thinking to himself, use italics, so the reader won't get confused.

Here's another grammatical error that I would like to point out: "Watch your language young man!” he cried in a horrible imitation of an elderly teacher. “That kind of language will not be tolerated here!” Place a comma between "language" and "young". You could also have Dan wag his finger at his friend while attempting to imitate an elderly teacher. Here's another sentence that caught my attention: "Sighing, Nick turned up the volume to Little Black Submarines by the Black Keys on his phone, to block out the whooping and hollering of the other students on the bus." Instead of "the other students", it could be "his fellow students".

“Shut up dude.” Nick said, rolling his eyes as he snatched back his earphones. "Up" and "dude" should have a comma between the two. While describing Nick's eye rolling, describe his eye color. Is it ocean blue? Is it chocolate brown?

Again, this is a great story, but remember to go over it while you edit it. Hope this review helped! Have a great day and keep writing! :)

Thank you so much for the review! I did italicize Nick's thoughts when I wrote it on Microsoft Word, but I guess it didn't translate over. I'll fix it. Thanks again!

No problem! Glad I helped! :)



Democracy! Bah! When I hear that word I reach for my feather Boa!
— Allen Ginsburg