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The Tormentor

by StateOfGrace

The choice between hell and heaven is a tormentor . Will I choose the fire that burns me ? The lord that loathes my mortal breath of life ? The demons that slaughter me ? You know , hell was paradise once upon a time ; Hell is in your eyes that steal every drop of happiness running in my blood. Will I choose the nature that heals me ? The throne that will give into me salvation ? The angels that will overflow me with love ? Heaven is where dreams are treasured ,heaven is in your heart .

You think it's too easy to take a side,right? But,love, it's harder than breathing . See,my heart longs for hell but my soul aches for heaven ..

Will I ever find the answer within the deepest of my soul ? I have to change my destiny before it changes my fate.

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324 Reviews

Points: 15580
Reviews: 324

Sun Nov 18, 2012 6:35 am
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Threnody wrote a review...

Hello! I was drawn in by your title and I am actually quite interested in what I have read. You seem to have a very solid idea of what you are writing about and I really like the confidence with which you write with as well as the intensity that you convey your ideas with. Here's just a few suggestions that I feel could really improve your piece.

It would be interesting if you played around with the format of this piece. It looks like prose but it seems as if it could be a poem as well as it reads in the style of poetry regardless of the way I see it on the page. Try experimenting with it as I feel you could really create something interesting in terms of stanzas.

This piece seems to be lacking some information that I think would help a reader interpret you ideas better. It seems to me as if you make no clear distinction from hell and heaven. Though it is clear that the stereotypes that are associated with the two are stated, you also delve into the idea that hell was "paradise once" and that they are interconnected, even the symbolic "eyes" and "heart" of a whole. So what is the difference, are they two contrasting parts of one body? If so, is there really a choice between them or can you really only choose between all or nothing? I feel as if this is where I am getting confused. Is this what creates the Torment; the belief that there is choice between two metaphysical concepts when really there is only the choice to accept the bad with the good or accept nothing at all? I would really like to explore this concept with you as it seems to be a prevailing theme in your writing.

Additionally, I am confused about your final line. For me, the way something ends can create the deepest impression on me. I am confused as to the difference between destiny and fate. Isn't destiny and fate one of the same, thus to change one's destiny would change one's fate. Wouldn't the expression be simpler if you simply stated that your fate rests in this decision?

Also, I cannot see, if there is a choice, how it can be so difficult. I mean, to be honest, nothing about Hell as you describe it appeals to me. Why would I want any part in a fire that burns me, a lord that loathes me, or demons that slaughter me regardless of it's former status as a paradise. Obviously heaven, as common sense dictates, is the obvious choice here. I mean, I get healed, I get salvation, I get loved, and my dreams are treasured. It's a no-brainer. I wish you would explain to me why you feel tormented over this decision when it seems to me, all the evidence you present leads a logical and self preserving thinker to quickly choose an obvious best option.

In conclusion, the ideas you express are interesting and I am very intrigued with where this is going. However, I would like to understand more of what you are trying to express with this as it is currently very unclear. You make use of very vibrant imagery and I really like the style with which you write this.

Thanks for a good read,

You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan