Colors of Creation

Hello.

This actually has some very lovely imagery to it, but the poem is robbed of beauty by your lack of punctuation.

Punctuation in poetry dictates pausing, change sin tempo, and generally makes the sentences spread out between linebreaks grammatically correct. You have several run-ons here, which make me breathless while reading. Not a good breathless, either, because I felt like there weren't any pauses for stopping and appreciating what was being presented in your imagery.

You also capitalize every line, which isn't needed in poetry. Capitalizing every line tends to be an art in and of itself, and I haven't seen very many poets pull it off well. Instead, focus on writing more naturally (or studying those who capitalize every line and trying to figure out what makes their poetry work that way) and forget the typical "poetic conventions" you learn in school (most of which don't apply in the real world).

And despite the beautiful imagery, I found this poem to be lacking something. There seems to be no purpose to the piece, which is a shame. I love it when poetry has a purpose and you can spend hours puzzling it over as you read and reread, leave and come back only to find something new on the third time you've read twice because it was a little gem waiting to be found.

I think you could do this sort of layered approach if you tweaked the poem just slightly, and figured out if you want a second meaning behind it. A lot of this meaning could be gotten via punctuation, because then you could play around with how each line is read and each idea is separated. It might also be fun to make the painter a more prominent character, so we get some of her personality instead of just what she paints.

All in all, this was a decent poem. But I do think it could be way better.

PM me if you have any questions.

~Rosey

This is a really good piece. I like it because you use metaphors so beautifully and you seem to use the wording perfectly. I also like how you used your freeverse, because it stil has a good rythem. But the thing I like most is "She". She is who you believe in. She is the one who held your hand as a small child. She is who is burried beneath your soul. She is the one who is making your life's path. Everyone has their own She.
So yaaaa, thumbs up on that one!
Peace, y'all!