Published October 31, 2011
The night sky looks so peaceful, so serene.
But I cannot see the stars that well.
The winter wind whistles through the trees,
Calling.
I lie there, looking from the shadows of my inbetween.
He lies beside me, twirling my hair with his fingers.
I stare at him.
'You don't see do you?'
'See what?' he asks.
The shadows of my inbetween, I whisper.
He looks curious, like I said some that offends.
I stare at my feet. I wring my hands.
He rubs my back, trying to feel what isn't there.
What isn't there is lost.
He doesn't know.
His light has no darkness, no hurt.
He is pure.
'What's the inbetween,' he asks.
'What's the inbetween?'
Where my soul sleeps in the numbness of its morality.
I whisper my answer again.
He sighs, and looks into my eyes.
'Don't worry,' he says 'I see.'
"See what,' I cry, 'See what?'
He wipes my eyes.
'The shadows of your inbetween,' he whispers.
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140,568 Literary Works • 673,443 Reviews
simply beautiful, loved it so much, i don't know how to describe the beauty of it, each line is a symphony itself, you know like a dreamy music relaxing you before going to sleep <3
I wouldn't have changed a thing. I enjoyed this poem immensely. I felt that in your stanzas held truth and I could feel what you felt. Never stop writing poetry. It's your gift. You told a good story. Hard but true. Thanks for sharing
Ren
Hey, a very beautiful piece
And it would be even better if you, next time, form a structure. Like a fixed number of lines in a stanza. It is very presentable to the eye
I repeat, beautiful read!
Love
I love this. I agree with the first reviewer in that it feels sleepy, in a good way. Don't change a thing.
Hello there!
First off, the element of this poem that I adore the most is the feeling that it has about it. It almost seems sleepy, but in a good way (not a boring way at all), almost like the feeling you get when you're about to fall asleep. Also, I love the way that everything isn't clear cut, that it makes you stop and think about what the "shadows of the inbetween" really are, and it gives you room to decide what they are for yourself, which I like. Good poetry doesn't have to be concrete.
I love the lonely feeling of this stanza. I do find issue with the second line. I feel like the words 'that well' detract from the wonderful descriptiveness of the rest of it. Other than that, it's amazing.
I love this stanza. The only thing I would change about it would be the fourth line, in which I would put a command between the words 'see' and 'do'. Other than, that, it's great.
This is my favorite part of the poem. Dont' change a thing.
I absolutely adore this piece! Always keep writing!!!
-Rose