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The Void

by Sree


I don't get to know too many people

because I know too much about people.

There is this void between us.

They are just afraid to do the jump.

Even if they try.

I'll distance myself.

I'll do the digging deeper.

I can sense the ones who just give a jerk

I've been the one jumping

into my own grave-dig.

I trust not the angels with wings

or the singing birds.

I can presage my plight by your flight.

If you fly to me.

I'll rip your wings off.

I've have got enough of that

surprise shit on my head.


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148 Reviews


Points: 12200
Reviews: 148

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Sat Nov 16, 2019 1:57 am
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KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey Sree! Katja here to review your poem "The Void". As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make, should you find them to be unhelpful. That being said, let's get into the review~

Overall I really like your poem- It expresses an urge to stay distanced from bonds with others. The last few lines seem to point to this being due to being betrayed or in general someone catching the narrator off-guard negatively. Definitely relatable, sadly, for many people. Isolating ourselves from others can feel safer than trusting and risking hurt~

I don't have any suggestions for you today!

I really lie the part of your poem where you say "I trust not the angels with wings or the singing birds" -- it really shows the level of mistrust that the narrator even associates positive attachments as potentially dangerous.

I hope my review was helpful,

Keep Writing,

~Katja




Sree says...


Thanks for the review :) @KatjaDawn it been a while you've reviewed on my works. Great to hear from you :D



KatjaDawn says...


Not a problem! I was inactive for awhile but I'm back :D If you ever need any reviews just let me know, I'd be happy to help :)



Sree says...


Glad to have you back here :D Ah, sure a lots :3



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Thu Nov 07, 2019 7:23 pm
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there Sree! Niteowl here for a quick review.

There's some great lines in this and it's very relatable. The first two lines are a huge truth bomb, and the last four lines are such a good metaphor for pushing people away due to past betrayal.

They are just afraid to do the jump.
Even if they try.
I'll distance myself.


Slightly weird wording. I would say "They are afraid to jump, but if they try, I'll distance myself."

I'll do the digging deeper.
I can sense the ones who just give a jerk
I've been the one jumping
into my own grave-dig.


"The ones who just give a jerk" doesn't make sense to me. It seems like a cross between "the ones who are jerks" and "the ones who give a damn" (or don't give a damn as the case may be). I wonder if a stronger distinction could be made, like "I can sense the difference between jerks and those who give a damn about me". But that doesn't feel like it fits the poem, which sounds like you trust no one. Maybe you could reword this to make it fit better, like "I dig my own grave to get away from the jerks and those who pretend to care".

I trust not the angels with wings

or the singing birds.


I just love the pessimism in this line.

I can presage my plight by your flight.


I would scrap this line. It doesn't flow well and it doesn't seem to fit the piece at all, so it distracts a little from your strong ending.

Overall, I like the themes here of mistrust and isolation. There's some strong lines but also a few places I would clean up. Keep writing! :D




Sree says...


Thanks many for your suggestions. I'll edit this work.
P.s:By the word 'jerk' I meant a sudden movement.
Like you know pretending to jump but not actually planning on it.
Thanks for the review and your time. Great help (:



niteowl says...


Ah, so I misinterpreted that line. I'm still not sure if that's the best wording, but I don't have any great suggestions. Maybe "the ones who only pretend to jump" or "the ones who won't really jump"?



Sree says...


"The one's who only pretend to jump" is perfect. Exactly what I try to tell. Great help. Thank you @niteowl



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Thu Nov 07, 2019 4:19 pm
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Bhaavya Singh wrote a review...



Hiiii there. I loved to read this fantastic piece of yours. This was so relatable. The poem represents reality, which makes it meaningful. It was really nice to read this. It can be clearly seen that you have written this with deep feelings. This is really nice. I love the way you described different emotions through wings and angels and birds, it adds to the beauty of the poem.
It's very nice.
Have a nice day




Sree says...


Thank you for your encouraging words :) Glad you liked it



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Thu Nov 07, 2019 3:12 pm
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MiniGem26 says...



<3 I'll review this later.




Sree says...


Thanks for letting it know (:



MiniGem26 says...


lol you are welcome.




If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
— Oscar Wilde