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Monster

by SpunkyMonkey


The monster is clawing again

Destroying everything in its path

The anger, the unstableness

The monster doesn’t care

                  The monster attacks my family

 We fight and yell, though we don't mean it

 At the moment we should unite, we divide

                   The monster is a terrible beast

The monster is inside of me

I can’t control it, I lash out

Causing pain to others and myself

The monster takes everything away

              The monster is me

                   I tear my family apart

               I hurt myself and others

 The monster is a part of me now

The monster is here to stay


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33 Reviews


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Wed Sep 08, 2021 2:00 pm
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WrenZorya wrote a review...



Hey there, and good morning/ afternoon/ evening/ night/ or whenever it is in your corner of the world! Wren here to review your fantastic work!

This whole thing is amazing! Just looking at it, the chaos, the subject, it’s just spectacular.

I love how in the beginning of the poem you disassociated yourself with the monster, but at the end you kind of merged with it, as if accepting it.

All in all a beautiful, tragic piece! Thank you and keep up the great work!




SpunkyMonkey says...


Thank you!!! <3



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Tue Sep 07, 2021 11:03 am
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BetsyJ wrote a review...



Hi,

I like the structure of the poem. It keeps the reader interested and excited. I like that this poem has brevity and a twist at the end.
It deals with something everyone can relate to. And it offers readers the liberty to interpret it in infinitely different ways.

I felt the divide between the speaker and their family...that is, the I vs. them conflict could have been made more interesting, but that's just my opinion, feel free to ignore it.
I didn't spot any grammatical errors in the piece. While 'unstableness' is a word, I felt that 'instability' would've worked better. Thanks!




SpunkyMonkey says...


Thanks for the review! :D



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8 Reviews


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Tue Sep 07, 2021 10:55 am
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BetsyJ says...



Hi,

I like the structure of the poem. It keeps the reader interested and excited. I like that this poem has brevity and a twist at the end.
It deals with something everyone can relate to. And it offers readers the liberty to interpret it in infinitely different ways.

I felt the divide between the speaker and their family...that is, the I vs. them conflict could have been made more interesting, but that's just my opinion, feel free to ignore it.
I didn't spot any grammatical errors in the piece. While 'unstableness' is a word, I felt that 'instability' would've worked better. Thanks!




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Points: 20
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Tue Sep 07, 2021 4:10 am
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OneMageArmy wrote a review...



Hell yeah. I love this very much.

You told of the monster's uncontrollable nature in just a 1/4th of your poem greatly. I know, just from that part how wild it is. The part where you say 'again' adds a great bit to it. That word alone makes the severity of the monster's presence seem like a force to be reckoned with.

Your second part adds even more to your first. In times where we think we'll stand tall and unite, we sometimes become unintentionally divided instead. This monster clearly has a strong impact.

Your third part adds surprise to it. I was expecting it to be an abusive family member. But it's an innocent person who's severely struggling with inner issues. It sends the message that monsters aren't always what we expect.

Your last part adds guilt and shame to the whole situation along with the surprise. It seems as if your character (or possibly, you) is accepting defeat, because they seem so powerless against this terrible part of themselves.

You did this very intelligently. Probably better than you intended.

Nine and-a-half out of ten!




SpunkyMonkey says...


Dang, that is some high praise!!! Thanks for reading! <3



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Mon Sep 06, 2021 8:14 pm
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Plume wrote a review...



Happy RevMo! Plume here, with a review!

I enjoyed reading your poem immensely. As someone with anxiety who sometimes lashes out at people, I could totally relate to the metaphorical monster in this poem. It's hard to live with a monster inside, but I think you captured the frustration and regret perfectly.

One thing I enjoyed about this poem was the emotion and examples you conveyed it through. I liked how you focused on the family of the narrator, as well as the fact that the monster doesn't just hurt others, it also hurts the narrator as well. I think these examples help to further the frustration and anger involved in the actual mood and tone, but also help add to that extended metaphor throughout the poem of the monster symbolizing how negative emotions like sadness and anger can transform someone into a "monster."

One thing I did wonder about was the structure of the poem. I liked how your last line was almost reconciling with the monster inside of the narrator, and by accepting it, they become more a part of the monster, but I think the back-and-forth setup you have going now would work even better if maybe you had more of a conflict going on? I'm not exactly sure what you were trying to achieve with it as it is now. To me, it reads the same both as this and all stacked on top of one another.

One thing I also wondered about was the poetic elements. To me, a lot of the lines felt very matter-of-fact rather than poetic. It also felt redundant at some parts, too, like in your last stanza where you open with "the monster is me" and close with "the monster is a part of me now." I wondered if maybe you could incorporate just a small bit of figurative language. It's just something to play around with, you know?

Specifics

The monster is clawing again


Really loved this as your first line.

At the moment we should unit, we divide


Tiny thing: I think "unit" is supposed to be "unite."

Overall: nice work! I think this poem is very relatable, and your words convey a sense of frustration that I find really works in this type of free verse. I hope to read more of your poetry in the future! Until next time!!

Image




SpunkyMonkey says...


Thank you for the review Plume!!!



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Mon Sep 06, 2021 7:39 pm
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AilahEvelynMae wrote a review...



That is beautifully written spunky! It really gets my mind moving and makes me want to get to to writing journal right away (which I’m probably going to do in a minute haha). I absolutely love the symbolism of monster. He first sentence of each section is very powerful. Makes me emotional to read it <3 because I can really like this poem to myself, and I’m sure everyone else can too.

Just WOW. Good job! You should be so proud of writing this. It is truly so beautiful :)

The emotion conveyed is so strong!

Evie




SpunkyMonkey says...


Thanks Evie! <3



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Mon Sep 06, 2021 6:45 pm
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silented1 says...



Your structure shows a good back and forth. Well done, it captures an unsaid thing. Remember that.





Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
— George Eliot