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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Few grammar mistakes but it was very good. I would like to see you build on this and make the idea less subtle. Maybe you should build on the imagery. I really liked the imagery. I also liked the beginning too. I absolutely loved it. It was a great way to start it. The last lines were a little bleh and I'd work on it some. Add some punctuation and work on it more, but it's pretty sweet for a 5 minute thing.
Hey spook. I liked this piece. The flow was a little dodgy though and the poem was a little disjointed in places. I didnt really 'get' what was going on. What are these devils - are they figuritive? Id like to know so PM me if u like. I don't think the reader really connects with a poem when they cant fully understand whats going on. My advice: keep imagery subtle and simple and dont overdo things. To improve this piece I would say you need to make the whole conept of idea more obvious. Other than that, your grammar was pretty good. You have made a few mistakes so I think you need to self-edit and read your poem through again. PM me or leave me a comment if you want a full nitpick. Keep writing!
-Amelia