Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
I hate this class. I swear if I have to hear Mr.Owens talk about his love issues , I am going to throw up. I am about to put my head on the desk, when Mr.Owens clears his throat. " Class, we have a new student here today" He said boringly heading towards the door. The class watched as he attempted to gesture the new kid in but he/she would not budge. "She is just a little shy" He said with annoyance in his voice. "She........" I was pondering in my mind, when she walked finally in. No freaking way.......Could it be?....... It is.......... Brynne Matthews was standing in front of the classroom looking down at the ground, beautiful as ever. "What the hell are you doing here?" Claire Abbott almost screamed. "Umm, I ..." Brynne replied struggling for words. "Mrs.Abbott, you have detention," Mr.Owens said as he went towards his seat. Claire grew red and whispered to her friends around her, while Brynne still looked helpless in front of the classroom. It was time to take action. "Brynne, you can sit beside me if you want to" I said confidently looking at her. A smile adorned her face but before she could take one step, Claire looked at her "You seriously don't want to sit with a loser like him, do you?" Brynne stopped and processed the thought. She walked a step forward and continued until she sat beside me in another desk. You had ought to seen the look on Claire's face when Brynne did that. Priceless Kodak moment. I am still wrapped in the seat confrontation when I feel a light tap on my shoulder. I turn to see Brynne smiling at me. Geez even after five years away, Brynne still manages to speed up my heart. "Thank you for um uh the seat" She said while blushing. "No problem" I said watching my voice making sure I don't sound like an idiot. She just smiles even wider. Gosh.....does she even know how stunning she is? "Erm, Austin are you okay, you seem a little dazed" Brynne barely manages as she is giggling. I realize I am gawking at her. "Yeah, I'm fine" I say looking at her as the bell rings. Maybe Mr. Owens class will no longer be bad.
Okayy...not terribly sure what this scene is meant to be here, as far as whether its some sort of prologue or a first chapter or something else entirely but as far as scenes go, this one seems to be a pretty good one here at first glance. It certainly was quite a wholesome little scene.
Getting right to this paragraph here, I'd say its a bit too big and cluttered here. There's too much happening in there for it all to just be one big paragraph, this is probably more suited to being around three paragraphs here judging from all the different things that end up happening. That would help smoothen the overall flow of the piece and make things even better.
Moving right past that, this was a pretty fun scene here, it looks like this protagonists former friend or crush I believe has come back after what appears to be quite a long time...and this scene follows the person discovering that. It certainly showcases a pretty wholesome moment of some bully I assume trying to discourage this person from sitting there but the person totally ignoring them...which certainly showcases despite the five year gap, they must've had a pretty strong friendship.
At any rate, this appears to be a pretty nice little scene here that I certainly enjoyed reading quite a bit. It seems like the sort of story that I would certainly read.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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