By Mikeal Colquhoun
Mind as one life is the same as many,
The mind of two is the strength we desire,
Steady in the state of the reality in which we explore,
Past life and the present life to give this world in which we adore,
A chance to store our life and the future of a gentle flower in which they can grow.Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,045 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
I'm just going to be honest and say that not only am i burnt out on reviewing but im also occupied, so sorry if this seems a bit scattered
this poem is short so im going to review one line at a time, okay?
I like the first line. everyone has the same thinking in some way. some common sense, some logic. some form of right or wrong. something. But somehow no one is the same.
I don't think I agree with the next line to its full extent. the mind of two can be great, but it can also be serious downfall. it all depends. why do you think couples break up? its because while they can achieve most anything they want, they are different, and so they cant decide or agree.
I agree with the next two lines. if you don't know history you are bound to repeat it.
yes! I also agree with the fifth line. some people need to watch and listen, and I don't mean TikTok or snap chat. I mean observe the way an ant carries a leaf, or observe what led to the german's downfall when Hitler reigned. but instead, as humans in the latest generation, we choose to peck at our phones or to blatantly ignore the lessons try to teach us. it's pathetic and shameful if anything (although I'm somewhat guilty. I'd rather be reviewing than listening to math in case you cant see)
anywho, sorry if this wasn't much of a review. have a good day!
Hey, I appreciate the comment! anything that can help me reflect and improve is something I appreciate immensely!
yeah! it was a great poem.
Hey Splendidior! I hope you're having a great day!
Overall, I really like the theme of this poem. Despite being short, you really pack a punch and convey your overall message to the readers. 10/10 in that regard. However, I do think you can clear up your sentence structure and word choice in some spaces. I had to read this several times to fully understand what you were trying to say. I completely understand that poetry is subjective, and maybe your wording was very intentional, but it was quite difficult to read.
This line is my main issue. Without reading the rest of the poem, I can't really understand what you are trying to say. I think a couple transition words/articles could be really helpful here; maybe rephrase it like "a mind" or something. Maybe I am just bad at reading and interpreting poems, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but without reading the rest of the poem I couldn't tell what you meant by saying one life is the same as many.
I could perfectly understand these two lines and really enjoyed them! I completely agree--a partner or friend to go through life with is vital to being happy and having a steady head when navigating today's world. You'd be lucky to have a second mind, as you say.
This line isn't as confusing as the first, but it could use some clarification. If you don't want to change the poem, maybe you could add an author's note at the end (only if you want to!). I gleened that you meant couples/duos can use their past experiences and current skills to help improve the world. Correct me if I'm mistaken!
Again, I'd just clarify this. All you have to do is say "and the future of it in." Otherwise, it sounds like you're talking about the future of the flower, which I don't think you are. However, I do love the imagery in this line! I have never thought of the future as a flower waiting to bloom, but I really love that metaphor.
Anyways, that's all from me today! Overall, this is a great poem thematically. I love your imagery and metaphors, and the subject is something to which everyone can relate. If it were me, though, I would just clear up a couple of sentences. However, you do not have to listen to me. I am just a person reading your poem through a computer screen and writing down my thoughts--I am not a professional editor. It is your poem--make it what you want!
Have a fantastic weekend!
looseleaf
I agree with everything you said! I will definitely rework it! thank you very helpful, much love and appreciation
Hi...welcome to YWS
"Mind as one life is the same as many,
The mind of two is the strength we desire,
Steady in the state of the reality in which we explore,
Past life and the present life to give this world in which we adore,
A chance to store our life and the future of a gentle flower in which they can grow."
As i have understood....This poem is a beautifully written reflection on the essence of life and the power of unity. It articulates the idea that a single mind can achieve success, but when minds come together, they can accomplish even more—the notion that "the more, the merrier" resonates deeply. The comparison of the mind to a flower is particularly striking; just as a flower thrives with care and attention, so too can our thoughts and ideas flourish when nurtured. The poem skillfully intertwines reality and imagination, suggesting that both can coexist and grow together harmoniously. Overall, it captures a profound message about collaboration and the potential for growth in our lives.
KEEP IT UP!
thank you! much love and appreciation! Need more time in the mountains/forest away from technology to write better ones!