Young Writers Society

Greetings, SpiritSails!

Seeing you haven't been a member of YWS for long, welcome to the site; and I hope you enjoy you're stay; and find our advice useful!

Interpret me.

I am a small man.

I do not cry.

I stay home,
and spend my nights staring at my reflection,
waiting for my face to change.

This has a very mysterious air about it, and at first I didn't like the way it started, but I read it over again and became fond of it. It's very interesting, and almost ironic cause it fits the stereotypes people put on men--that they don't cry. The last part I relate to. It seems everyone at some put wishes to be someone else... someone they're not.

I have no story to tell,
for there is nothing about me
that can be said for very long.

I've no qualms about expressing myself.

So relatable. Also I don't quite enjoy the way the last part is sectioned off by itself... it almost kills the flow of the poem abruptly, but it is up to you... I'd just try to find a way to change it cause I personally don't care for the stop.

I sing

to the
heartbeat
inside a piano.

to the
spirits that
whisper
in my ears.

And I hear music
spanning years
from emotions
only felt
in pleasant solitude.

The strangest thing I've ever seen.
The most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

This bit I loved! <3

I feel like there are things you could do to this to make it perfectly flow without a stop, but it really depends on what you want it to be since I feel like this is very personal to you. Good luck with you future writing!

~Ruby

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review! I noticed that you were new to the site, so I welcome you!

Interpret me.

I am a small man.

I do not cry.

Interesting start to this poem. I'm unsure if I'm a fan of this, though. There's a lack of clarity here that leads to me wondering what you were attempting to get across with these lines. The first line says this all too well with 'interpret me', because the reader is left unsure of how to interpret this poem. I found the structure of this poem to be odd, though I'll touch more on that later, because I don't think it's necessarily bad.

I stay home,
and spend my nights staring at my reflection,
waiting for my face to change.

So I'm not fond of how you go about the punctuation here. This is mainly due to the fact that these lines feel choppy which diminishes the weight behind them. I'm going to suggest taking the comma out of the first line, getting rid of 'and' at the beginning of the second line, and changing 'spend' to 'spending'. As for the actual content here, I'm unsure of how this correlates with the first three lines of the poem, though I'll continue to see if this is somehow strung together well, though right now I'm doubting that a little. Adding 'at' to the first line so that it's 'I stay at home' is another possibility to making these lines flow stronger. The speaker seems to be wanting change, though it also seems that they're aware this won't happen.

I have no story to tell,
for there is nothing about me
that can be said for very long.

I've no qualms about expressing myself.

Fan of the first three lines here since they're basically saying that the speaker isn't very consistent and that there's a lot of change for them often. I found this to be a little contradictory since the last stanza suggests that the speaker isn't satisfied with their body, or to be more specific, face. Not a very large fan of the fourth line here. I found it to be too abrupt.

I sing

to the
heartbeat
inside a piano.

I'm not saying that it has to be this way, but it seems more fitting if the first line here is connected to the other three. Just a suggestion though. This is one of the stronger parts of this poem, seeing that there's actually some imagery here, which I wanted to touch on. There's a lack of description in this poem, so this is a pleasant shift, if only for a moment. That's a larger critique that I have, anyway.

Expand on what's already here--you don't have to create new stanzas when in revision to add description. What I'm also not large on is the punctuation, which ends up being quite repetitive. Not every line has to end so soon. Tell us what this heartbeat sounds like with sensory detail. How it feels. Does it vibrate? Is it a gentle thumping? Go into more detail in that respect.

to the
spirits that
whisper
in my ears.

Looking back at that last stanza, it seems that you didn't intend for a period to be there. If you did at the end of the last line, I suggest taking it out since that last stanza flows into this one.

And I hear music
spanning years
from emotions
only felt
in pleasant solitude.

The strangest thing I've ever seen.
The most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

I've grouped these together since I only have minor comments on them. I suggest taking 'and' out of the first line of the first stanza here, seeing as it's an unnecessary filler word. Would've like to see the first stanza here expanded on. Touching on the last stanza, the two lines have a disconnect between them that's awkward to read since they both end in a period. Work on using punctuation tastefully since that seems like something you struggle with. Another large part of this I wanted to touch on before I go is the theme.

These stanzas, at least from how I've read them, aren't very cohesive in getting a message across. The reader is left unsure of what you were attempting to say here. We go from an image of the speaker staying home at night and wanting their face to change to music. There's a shift in tone there since the two subject matters are drastically different. Play around with making the ending more effective and helping the reader understand the theme better.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.