Young Writers Society

Hey SparkySweet!

Happy RevMo! I hope you don't mind if I drop by for a review today

Feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt-- I don't write lyrics and I'm not well versed in reviewing them either. So, I'll try my best!

You’re smiling one minute, scowling the next

Saying that we’re cool but you won’t shoot me a text

Swear that we’re pals but talk behind my back

Common friendly decency is where you lack

Now come on

How am I to know what went wrong

When all you do is shrug and wave me off

So, with the first four lines, you lean into rhyming, but after that, it sort of drops off? It becomes an inconsistency. I'd recommend either settling into either rhyming or not. Both are perfectly fine! But I wouldn't hop between the two.

I'm not sure what rhythm you're going for either, but the way it sounds out loud, I'm having trouble with a consistent rhythm after "Swear that we’re pals but talk behind my back"? I think it would flow better with your set-up if it was something like "Swear that we're pals but then talk behind my back" because it has a more equal number of beats.

"Common friendly decency" sounds... strange? And I know you were, at this point, going for the rhyming, but I think I would write this another way? I don't know what exactly it is about the line, but it bugs me? I don't feel like it adds anything, since the point of the song is about a toxic friendship, so we already know the other person in this relationship is lacking in this regard. It feels telling, in a way, but I'm also a heavy prose reviewer and writer, so take that as you will.

This is totally up to you, but I might take a more confrontational stance in the last two lines as well? Something like "How am I to know what went wrong / When you never talk to me, only ever brushing me off"?

You’re so fake

Stop pretending that you’re sweet when I know what’s underneath

You’re so fake

Acting all innocent when I know you’re far from magnificent

You’re so fake

Why even bother with theatrics when I clearly know

You’re so fake

And I believed it for a while, but now it’s time to end the show

‘Cause now I know

"Magnificent" is not really the word I would use in this context? I might even suggest "ignorant", because I think it would apply here? As in, they might be pretending not to know what the author is talking about/"play innocent", but they're definitely not.

I really like the tie in with "theatrics" and "but now it's time to end the show"! I love connections like that in songs, so I'm a big fan of those lines.

I thought maybe it was something that I did

I’ve tried to hash it out, while you keep acting like a kid

I thought we could’ve been the best of friends

But now I see you don’t care to make amends

And I’ve tried to see things from where you are

But which face do I look through when you’re a two-faced liar

Your act can only get you so far

Discard the true friends and latch onto ones that are subpar

"I thought we could've been the best of friends" and "but now I see you don't care to make amends" are... somewhat contradictory? Saying that the author thought there was a chance for them and this other person to be best friends and then saying "but you won't make amends" would imply they already were and now the other person is just sorta ghosting them and doesn't care about maintaining a friendship. I mean, you could say that they were just friends, and while the author thought their relationship could have grown even more but then found that, even as friends, the other person doesn't want to contribute to that growth and that's where the problem resides. Which is fair! I don't love the lines, though I understand their significance, so I think that's kind of up to you. If you keep them, I might suggest playing with those lines? Again, I'm exactly sure what it is about them specifically, but they don't flow as well for me with the rest of the lyrics.

"But which face do I look through when you’re a two-faced liar" I think this is a very good line, but I also think it would be better if you didn't outright say "two-faced liar". Instead, I would imply it with the first part of the sentence "But which face do I look through" or, if you want to be even more specific, "But which of your faces do I look through".

You’re so fake

Stop pretending that you’re true, when I know it’s all a ruse

You’re so fake

Acting like someone to confide in when I know you’ll spread all lies, friend

You’re so fake

Why even bother with the act when I know for sure the fact is

You’re so fake

And I believed it for a while, but now it’s time to end the show

‘Cause now I know

The "Acting like someone to confide in[...]" line doesn't really resonate with me here, in terms of the song? You've already described the "theatrics" and you just mentioned the other person's "act", so I think hammering in on the "acting/lying" part doesn't do much for what you're trying to convey, since it's already inherently such a huge part of the song ("you're so fake"), and I think in this case, you can have too much of a good thing.

Same goes with the "Why even bother with the act when I know for sure the fact is". I think you might be able to deliver a more impactful lie if, rather than focus on the "acting" part of it, you went for asking why this other person is even bothering to continue the friendship, if it's so meaningless to them? It would differ it up a little so it's not too repetitive (not that lyrics aren't repetitive anyway, as is the nature of certain songs :p).

You’re so fake

Why did I ever stand for any of your games

I hope you feel better now after leaving a dent in my name

I’ll admit that you put on quite the charade

However, there’s only so much you can masquerade

In the end what you don’t know

Is that someday people will see the true you show

I don't really have any critiques on this? I really like this bridge, and I think your wording is very nice, so my only comment is to compliment you on this section



Overall, a very interesting song about a topic I feel isn't covered enough! It's really hard to go through the end of a friendship, and I'm glad writing gave you some amount of closure <3 I think you handled it well in the medium you wrote it in.


I think that's all for today! If you have any comments or questions about anything I said, please feel free to let me know! Otherwise, I hope you have a fantastic day!