Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
As I looked around , I noticed a look of despair on a boy's face. I walked up to him slowly, so my waist length light brown hair swayed around my back and cascade down my sides. My blue eyes looked deep into his deep brown iris'. His shaggy black hair falling just over the front of his ears.
"You boy, what is your name? I am Princess Corabelle."
"We're Cora's cousins. Hello, I'm Princess Amethyst, and this is our other cousin, Princess Theophilia. Call me Amby and call Theophilia, Theo. Sorry, I don't think that we caught your name? What is it?"
"I do not give my name out to ugly girls. But as long as I'm speaking to the three beautiful princess of Abloom, my name if Jeremy James Jonson. Pleased to meet the three most beautiful girls on the face of this earth."
Uhh...this seems to be a letter of some sort, or at least you intend it to be, but this opening paragraph barring the whole Dear Mom and Dad part just seems to be the start to a regular scene here. I highly doubt anyone would write a letter in this fashion as some sort of story without even mentioning any sort of context. I think this is just kind of meant to be a scene here and you'd be best served just writing it that way. Also...this boy's statement in the end...well, I'd say he's not winning too many brownie points with the readers, that sounds like a horribly rude thing to say there. Let's you know exactly what kind of personality that person has and its not a good one.
I looked over at Amby and wondered if Jeremy would fall for her and not me. Amby was the perfect one. Her knee length blonde hair. The way it sways with out any effort on her part. Her soft green eyes. And then there's the youngest of us, Theo. Her short red hair matches her personality perfectly. She is extremely shy. I think that I may be falling head over heels for a boy I have only just met. Oh please, Zeus, let your daughter get the boy for once. Amby is Poseidon's daughterAnd Theo is Hades' daughter
They got the cool dads. I got the boring one.
But I still love you!
And I will destroy those beach bottle bimbo's for who they really are! I still can't believe that my mom is Athena though!
So even as we continue on here, I see no evidence of this actually being any kind of letter. This is very simply put a scene with the Dear part up top and then the sincerely part with the signature tagged on at either end. You need to either completely rewrite this to be more of a letter with a sort of general greeting and then an account of these events rather than showing a live event or you need to simply just do away with the beginning and the end and have a scene here.
Other than, this is...interesting...I guess the one writing the letter is simply letting their parent know something...and we get to see evidence a couple of not so great people there in this scene...and well, its a simple plot that's at work here and I think that's done relatively, its just the whole letter thing is not really accurate here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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