Published August 20, 2005
Time has passed and I have healed,
So don't think I still feel for you.
The tide’s gone out and I've not drowned,
So don't think I still bleed for you.
I do admit you caught my heart,
Etched your name upon my skin.
Took my key, opened me up,
My soul was deep and you fell in.
Heard my secrets and my fears,
And gave nothing in return.
Now I know your secret fears,
Because I cared to learn.
Perhaps one day we will be friends,
You’ll open up to me.
But I’ll never forget, forgive the way,
The way you made me bleed.
Time has passed and I have healed,
So don't think I still love you,
And now I've died I’ll watch from here,
And sit and wait above you.
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141,710 Literary Works • 675,600 Reviews
I liked this. it was a good romantic poem.
1st verse: They’re meant to sound alike. It’s just a terrible, clichéd patern I tend to use.
2nd verse: Thanks for the advice on “took” and “caught”. I’ll work on that.
3rd verse: It does sound a little shakey, it’s just at first I liked the idea of “secrets and fears” and “secret fears”
4th verse: Yeah, can’t change that. It’s a personal poem, and only “bleed” has the right meaning.
5th: I like your idea of "And sit and wait above FOR you", BlackDaisy
I liked this. It was really simple and I really liked that. But the ending just didn't work for me. The whole "I've died now and I'll watch you from here" sounded like you were saying that you don't bleed for them anymore, but you can't survive without them... it just didn't seem to match the rest of the poem.
I liked this alot, it sounded like a song or something. I loved the first two stanzas. Like Writersdomain said it was great the way you used 'etched'. It reminded me of that thing in Harry Potter... Well ok back to your poem. I also liked how in the fist stanza the second and fourth lines are almost the same.
The rest is good as well, my only suggestion might be to change the last line to "And sit and wait above FOR you", it seems to fit the rhythm a little better.
So yeah, I really liked this. Great job!
This was interesting, but there were parts I did not like.
I'm not exactly fond of your first line, but it's not a horrid way to start the poem. The part that bothered me here was that in the second line, you use the words 'I still feel for you' and in the 4th line you say 'I still bleed for you'. These 2 lines sound so alike, that it really bugged me. If you're trying to make something rhyme, please don't use the same word twice as you did here. I suggest rewording one of those 2 lines. Other than that, I really liked your 3rd line. Very nice
I like your word 'etched'... very good. I really like this stanza, especially the last line. Good job. The only suggestion I could give you here is use more powerful words than 'took' or 'caught'. They sound very unimportant compared the verb 'etched' you used. Your eye almost skips over them because they are so commonly used.
Again, here you used 'fears' twice and that bugged me as well. Especially 'secrets and fears' and then 'secret fears' Please reword at least one of those. Besides that, I like this stanza despite the fact that you change rhyme schemes with the double fears. The ones above were scheme ABCB I believe and this one was ABAB.
I liked this stanza. I like your line 'I'll never forget, forgive'. The only thing I didn't like here was your repetition of 'bleed'. You used that in an earlier stanza, and I feel it takes away from the power of the word if you use too many times. I suggest using 'The way you have hurt me' or something different like that
You used scheme ABCB again here and in the last stanza, so it is just that one stanza that is different.
This was good, but you repeated 'you' and that bothered me as it has other stanzas.
This was an overall interesting poem. It you fix some of the word repetition and rhyme inconsistency, I would really like it, but this is a good start. Nice job... keep writing.